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22 Year Old With PTSD

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by star_cutie08, Oct 6, 2007.

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  1. star_cutie08

    star_cutie08 New Member

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    I was searching through PTSD sites tonight and happened upon this one. I was having one of my nights, and it wasn't helped when I heard the song "Dance with my father again" thought not for the fact that my father is dead, thought in a way he is to me.

    Some information on me. Like is says I am 22 years old. I have two sisters, both younger. When I went to college, I only went about 45 mins away from home.

    My story:
    It was almost five years ago. I was a freshman in college and happy to get away from home. Finals were a month away and I had called my mom at work to talk to her. Right before I hung up she got really serious. "I need to talk to you tonight," She told me. But I just couldn't wait, and asked her what was going on. "I found a hole in the bathroom door." Was all she told me. I was confused at first. And didnt' hear back from her untill almost finals. I was with a friend of mine and I had left my cell phone in her car. We went out for a drive and that was when I saw the message. I listened to my voice mail and it was my mom. "I asked your dad to leave today. I want you to know because I dont' know if he will come down there for you." Then I had a message on my phone from one of my sisters basically saying the samething. Of course I got upset and started crying.

    It came to light that my father had been looking through the door in the bathroom at us when we were taking baths, so my mom had asked him to leave. I still remember the way she said the conversation went.
    Mom:(To my dad) Did you put the hole in the bathroom door?
    Dad: When do you want me to leave?

    No denying it, no fighting it. . He just left. Well, it upset me and I had to come home for a day, then go back to take finals.

    That summer, even more came to light. My sisters had said that they not only were watched taking baths, but they had been sexually assulted. We had a talk, my mom sisters and I, and mom called the State. My sister's were interviewed while I was starting my second year of school. They even had people come down and interview me at school. But I wasn't all that much help, as I don't remember much of my childhood, or anything.

    My dad was arrested, and on my little sisters birthday, convicted of 2 counts of Criminal sexual assult, and sentenced to 4 years. But the damage had been done.

    My second year of college, I colapsed. I stopped going to classes and my grades suffered. My advisor got so worried about me, she suggested that I go see the school counciler. So I did, and I have to tell you, talking about it seems to really help (Which is why I think I am doing this now.). I withdrew from the college I was in the second semester of my second year and went to a local commuinty college.

    By that time my dad was in prison, and I was building up the 1.5 grade point average I had. And inside I was a wreck. I couldn't remember anything. If I could, I might have been able to put him behind bars for more than the 4 years he got. Not to mention that I was the oldest. I was sopose to protect my sisters from things! (My dad used to drill that into my head day after day.) After a year at the community college, I went back to the college I had started with and again went to see the counciler. By this time my dad had been out, and then got put back in jail for parole violation (Not being able to hold a job) And yet I can't remember anything, and it nags inside me sometimes.

    I'm doing better now, almost five years after the events have unfolded, but I still have my nights, like this one. I don't have the flashbacks or anything like that, but when I hear certain songs, I get these feelings, and I just break down. Anyway, thanks for allowing me to rant like this. . it really does help.
     
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  3. wildfirewildone

    wildfirewildone Well-Known Member

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    :hello:Glad you found us!!!!....The sins of your father is quite a difficult thing to deal with I know....YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for the sexual assaults on your sisters!!!!! While being abused and assaulted most of my growing up years I told myself that while he was abusing me....He wasn't bothering my younger sister and she was protected....Then years latter I found out she had been assaulted too and I got really upset with myself for not protecting her....I had it "pounded" into my head from therapists and docs that I was just a kid and what could a child do against an adult??? I finally started believing it so I've been where you are....again....It was not your "job" to protect your sisters from being assaulted....that's what a father is to do....I have only been diagnosed with PTSD for 5 years but so many other things before that....You will find a lot of support and information here...I wish you a hearty welcome!!!!....PEACE FOR THE PLANET
     
  4. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Welcome to the forum, StarCutie08.

    Lisa
     
  5. nie

    nie Wishing for wings to fly. Premium Member Donated

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    :hello: Welcome

    I find it helpful to get it out too. I hope you will find this forum helpful; I have.
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Welcome to the forum star.
     
  7. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Welcome to the forum.

    bec
     
  8. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

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    Welcome to the forum..

    It's so hard when it's a member of your own family that does this...They were supposed to protect you, and yet he didn't....

    Hang in there. There is tons of information here, and lots of help.
     
  9. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    Hi and welcome. I feel the same way about my younger brother. I wished I was able to protect him better from my step-mother, and maybe he wouldn't be an alcoholic and homeless. It's a hard pill to swallow, but I could barely protect myself.

    I think it takes a long time for that to sink in, so please hang in there.

    Tammy
     
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