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3 years in an abusive relationship. 3 years out. consumes my whole life.

Discussion in 'Domestic Violence' started by samanthavad, Feb 8, 2018.

  1. samanthavad

    samanthavad Guest

    I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years. He was a drug addict and would make me find him and buy him drugs. when I myself have never done more than smoke weed. I tried to leave him when I found out my mom had cancer. he stalked me I had him arrested and got a restraining order. I felt guilty and apologized to him which just gave him the chance to suck me back in. after he got out of jail his family treated him like a child and took everything away from him so he started stealing money from his grandma. His family found out and called the cops. so my ex spent 2-3 months hiding from the cops over $2,000. made me help him and do a bunch of f*cked up shit because I was afraid of him.

    After awhile I got sick of it and couldn’t live that way anymore. I told the police where he was and that he threatened to kidnap me. 3 days later he did kidnap me. exactly how he told me he would. I will spear you the details but we walked 8 miles in 0 degree weather to a house he was hiding out at. He held me hostage there for 8 hours before he killed himself by overdosing. He died with his head in my lap.

    That was 3 years ago. and up until about 6 months ago I thought I was doing pretty good besides the few panic attacks and nightmares. Now it consumes my whole life. i’ve gained weight. I hardly ever leave my house. I can’t go to work. I am afraid of him coming back to get me and he’s dead. I quit my job. A lot of the time I am sad and I don’t know why. I won’t even be thinking about my ex or what happened but it’s physically hard for me to leave my house. and love normal life. I don’t know what to do anymore.
    Ronin, littleoc and Zoogal like this.
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  3. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

    I'm sorry this happened to you
    littleoc likes this.
  4. littleoc

    littleoc Active Member Donated

    Are you seeing a therapist? It may be helpful to try to work over and process these events so you can finally put them behind you and live the life you want to live.
  5. samanthavad

    samanthavad New Member

    i’ve been to several haven’t really found one that I connect with? it’s really hard for me to explain how i’m feeling and even harder to talk about it when it’s not directly affecting me. if that makes sense
    Ronin and littleoc like this.
  6. littleoc

    littleoc Active Member Donated

    It does. It took me several tries to find the right one. One thing that helped me was signing up for group therapy so I could learn coping skills and ways to handle my emotions, before having to talk about the trama itself. Maybe that could help?
    illusionist and mumstheword like this.
  7. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

    It makes alot of sense. But you'll have to do it anyway or it won't get better.
    littleoc likes this.
  8. Fadeaway

    Fadeaway I'm a VIP Donated

    You made a huge positive move just by reaching out here. Its not the emotions that happen right after but the stuff that starts showing up later after trauma that can be the worst. It isn't abnormal to have things get worse over time because you brain wasn't really ready to start processing before.
    Ronin, littleoc, Zoogal and 1 other person like this.
  9. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Please don’t give up on finding a therapist that you can work with. I know that trust is an issue, but please keep seeking out a therapist.

    You’ve been through hell, but you can walk back into life again. You just have to find the strength to try...
    littleoc likes this.
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