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38 Year Old Supervisor Dating 18 Year Employee

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Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
So, I started my job not quite two months ago. I'm basically a supervisor. I can't hire/fire and don't schedule folks but after the managers leave, I manage the staff. The supervisor who trained me is 38 I think. There is an employee who is 18, seems young for her age and is super needy. She, T, clearly liked this supervisor (let's call him D) a lot. She follows him around at work, talks about him, etc. She did similar with me though and does it with others too.

But pretty soon it became clear that T was *very* attached to him and that he was at the very least, not setting good boundaries. At this point I know they hang out together, quite a bit, outside of work. I know she views him as more than a friend. She has his picture, with hearts around it, in her phone. When she's at work, and he's not, she is often texting with him... even though she isn't supposed to be using her phone.

I've talked with two of my fellow supervisors (A and R).One, A, I've talked very directly with and talked about reporting it to management. He wasn't comfortable doing that because D had once chose another staff to work with instead of A. A is worried it would look like retribution. According to A, A and R saw D and the girl hugging and kissing for their break one time. I haven't seen anything quite that directly inappropriate (for a supervisor/employee)

It's really triggery for me. Older man in a position of power, taking advantage of someone... ugh.He even has similar characteristics to my Dad (ugh ugh ugh) in some ways. I've been talking to my therapist about it. I've tried to post here and gotten locked up every single time. My therapist has said the situation plays into my old family dynamics. Something happening basically in the open but no one acknowledges and the inappropriateness remains a shared secret.

Last night T was following me around as I pulled tills. She asked me if I knew the new safe combo. It was a weird question coming from her. I said yes. She said D always forgets and she has to tell him what it is. There is absolutely no reason she should no the safe combo. D either told her, or she saw it while he was using it. If she's telling him the combo, he knows she knows. Given what I've observed of their interactions, it's totally believable.

I am going to report this. Today hopefully. From a logical, work perspective I'm covering my own ass. If it ever came out that she had it and I knew, I could get in trouble. From an emotional perspective... I'm relieved I have a solid reason to report it. I'm also triggered and stressed. Likely, I'm going to end up with a couple enemies out of this. Likely, D and T, will be able to figure out it was I that told. I'm also scared... I won't be believed? I'll get blamed? I'll ... I don't know. It gets all muddled in PTSD stuff
 
It gets all muddled in PTSD stuff

One way to help unmuddle it would be to drop the ages. They're both consenting adults. Some women like older men & vice versa. <raises hand>. That's just personal preference. Nothing wrong with it.

So what you've got, when you remove that piece? An obnoxious workplace romance (which may or may not be against company policy) that is leading to some crossed -professional- boundaries. Texting while working / free to break rules without consequence as she's dating the boss, bragging about knowing the safe combo, etc.
 
But this is an immature teen dating a middle-aged man

But still both of age & ability to consent. She's a young adult, but still an adult. With all of the rights, responsibilities, & privilege of being an adult. Free to make her own choices. Free to make her own mistakes. Lessons to learn, a life to lead, responsible for her own decisions and their consequences. She may be immature, inexperienced, ignorant, or outright stupid, but she's not a child.
 
they hang out together, quite a bit, outside of work. I know she views him as more than a friend. She has his picture, with hearts around it, in her phone. When she's at work, and he's not, she is often texting with him...

does your company have a written policy on workplace relationships? if not, then it's fair game for workplace romance (which is almost always a BAD idea). If there is a policy...

saw D and the girl hugging and kissing for their break

even if there isn't a policy about office romance, this just isn't appropriate workplace behavior and has no place in a professional environment. It also reeks of immaturity for both parties.

It's really triggery for me. Older man in a position of power, taking advantage of someone... ugh.He even has similar characteristics to my Dad (ugh ugh ugh) in some ways.

are you projecting your personal history onto their relationship? it seems like your feelings about their relationship & age difference may have more to do with your bias, than it does them. I'm not saying that difference in maturity (not necessarily age) isn't disgusting, just that there seems to be a personal history element to what you're feeling

There is absolutely no reason she should no the safe combo. D either told her, or she saw it while he was using it. If she's telling him the combo, he knows she knows.

yup, just pure dumbassery there
 
From a logical, work perspective I'm covering my own ass. If it ever came out that she had it and I knew, I could get in trouble.
I mean no offense when I say this .... but I don't think you're reporting it solely to cover your own ass because she knows the safe combo. It seems like you have deeper reasons for wanting to report it, and it probably has something to do with your family dynamics, as you mentioned.

I agree with you that the age difference seems inappropriate and it's probably some kind of infraction if he told her the safe combo ... but it seems like you're making a much bigger deal out of it than it needs to be. She's young for him, yes, but it's also really common for older, often middle-aged men to go for very young women. i'm pretty sure you'd find the same thing happening in many other work places.

Did he prey on her? Maybe. Did she show him attention that a middle-aged man nearing a mid-life crisis wasn't used to getting and really, really enjoyed? Maybe. We don't really know if he groomed her or if she's just got a weird fetish for older men.

But even if he did groom her, there's nothing you can do.

It just kinda seems to me like you're creating drama where there doesn't need to be any. Apart from her texting while at work and knowing the safe combo, has anything bad actually happened? It just sounds like you're projecting other people onto these two and reliving your own family dynamic. That's probably not what you want to hear, and again, I mean no offense. It's just my opinion.
 
Right, officially they're always forbidden, but at every place I've worked, the management has always looked the other way unless it was causing very serious problems. I'd actually say I have yet to work anywhere where they did NOT look the other way.

I'm not disputing that it's inappropriate, just doesn't seem to be worth the OP's time and effort. I think reporting it will just create drama and cause unnecessary stress.

I think the aspect that deserves more attention here is this:

It's really triggery for me. Older man in a position of power, taking advantage of someone... ugh.He even has similar characteristics to my Dad (ugh ugh ugh) in some ways. I've been talking to my therapist about it.

At the end of the day, reporting this guy's relationship with the girl will accomplish nothing. It will create drama and probably get the OP ostracized at work. I also don't see any urgent need to report it -- texting while at work and displaying affection at the work place is inappropriate, but it doesn't seem like it's going to cause anyone harm. It seems like pretty standard behavior at many work places.

Seems like it'd be more valuable and productive to continue to examine why this guy is "triggery."
 
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