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A Late Night Discussion With the Hubby

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by gunnerbunny, Dec 28, 2006.

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  1. gunnerbunny

    gunnerbunny New Member

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    I have been reading a lot of the different threads on this forum and I have to say I am completely scared and so hopeful at the same time. I know each case is unique to the individual and relationship, but I am so afraid that the hubby and I will end up not together or fighting.
    I know that it has only been six months since his diagnosis and only about a year and a half since his symptoms started and we do have a really long way to go, but how do you get over these fears?
    We have yet to have any fights and he is as open as he can be.(some things he will not share with me, only his therapist and I am kind of glad about that)
    Take last night, why is it that he only wants to have really deep discussions right before his Ambien takes him to La La land?(he has trouble sleeping sometimes) I sometimes feel like he does it to drive me insane:eek: (I know that is not why but it sure feels like it)
    Last night he tells me his therapist told him he might be close to a break through because he got emotional during their session(which for him is a really big deal), then just feel asleep. This morning he doesn't remember telling me anything(the drugs do that) and I can't ask and it is driving me nuts. Is it bad to want to ask? He really doesn't like to tell me about his therapy, and I usually never push for details, but how can you just tell someone that and just go to sleep.
    I think the strangest thing is that I feel angry because he just drops things like that on me and it makes me want to know more and I know he won't tell. Then I feel guilty for feeling angry and I don't want to say anything because I don't want him to think that he can't tell me stuff.
    Does this make any sense or am I just rambling?:crazy:
     
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  3. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

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    Hi Gunnerbunny,
    I think it makes sense....
    I think you are doing a good job by simply "listening" to him when he feels comfortable/ or is able to talk you...no matter if its night or day, or even right before his happy pill. Its important that you keep the trust and show him that he can come to you whenever he needs/wants to get something off his chest..even if its just a lil something...may not be enough for you (and it keeps you wondering) but at the moment its more than enough for him.
    I lost that trust for a long time and i still dont have it completely back. I used alot of things that my hubby used to tell me in confidence and hold them against him, not because i wanted to, or because i am a bad person.... but in any case i did lose his trust. For a long time he did not tell me much at all....and it got to the point where it started hurting me really bad... he seemed like a stranger...so i think you should appreciate the fact that he can have these late night conversations with you. Stick by him, thats the best advise i can give...through thick and thin :crazy-eye
     
  4. gunnerbunny

    gunnerbunny New Member

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    Andrea,

    Thanks for the reply. I am very greatful that he still talks to me and trust me enough to tell me things.
    I am in therapy myself right now to help me deal with these things.(feeling angry or guilty or confused)
    I am willing to do what I have to in order to keep our relationship healthy and happy. I had to wait almost 11 years before we could be together.
    I just sometimes wonder if what I feel (which I do not always share with the hubby, somethings are best kept to one's self or with one's therapist) is normal or if I am being to hard on him. I don't want to do anything that will push him away or make him loose trust in me.
     
  5. wildcritter44

    wildcritter44 Active Member

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    Gunnerbunny,

    We spouses suffer our own issues that are the ripples of their PTSD. (if you think of the ripple affect of a rock dropped in water how far it reaches, just think of PTSD as a huge huge rock!) As far as being normal, what's normal anyway ! lol... Yes, we are human. Unique individuals. Our thoughts are our own, unless we chose to share them. We don't always tell others our thoughts for various reasons. That is NORMAL. We can love our spouses with all our hearts. We would not hurt them knowingly. Sometimes in the process of therapy or self adjustments we hurt others. They have done the same thing when they go through it. It's not a get back at you thing. It's just a growing process.
    Hang in there... hugs to you....love your other half.. be there... listen...hug him... vent here !! lol, cry or whatever !!! we spouses have to stick together so we can help them, as well as ourselves...
    My spouse is ranger2_75 if you have read any of his stuff on the cite..
    He has good days, bad days and so so days... I think that's life..
    we just have to hang in there, here, or wherever, lol...
    D (wildcritter)
     
  6. tig

    tig Active Member

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    I believe I don't just speak for myself when I say what you're feeling is not uncommon, frustrating though it may be.
    I'm glad you're seeing a therapist-- better to vent to him/her than to hubby.
    Personally speaking, just remember: patience, patience, patience... (no matter how badly you want to ask) Let him come to you in his own good time. He will.
    wildcritter said it best: talk/vent/ask us. We've all been there in one form or another. We totally support each other. You aren't alone. Big hugs, too.
     
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