greycrayon
Learning
Im avoiding phoning the samaritans I'm not sure I can take their silences and asks for descriptions on how I feel. I dont know how I feel, thats why I'm smearing blood everywhere I want to leave a trail leading to a murder scene and then finally someone will take me seriously instead of looking at the pretty talented outside.
It wouldnt be an exaggeration that I would rather be dead but I dont know why. So much is hidden from me that I cant see for my own good. The only lead I have is a pre verbal child smearing thick bloody handprints everywhere. I try not to despise her, the mess and chaos that she has brought to my life because she has no choice. For her, it is either do this or die and I dont know how long I can carry on. I say its humiliating to me but my life beforehand has been humiliating to her, trying to develop and carrying around this.
Moving to a settled place, the fatigue is going but the flashbacks and nightmares are coming on, inside I am very mentally disturbed and I have a right to be after what ever happened. I feel the pressure to keep it in whilst everything inside of me is screaming to be heard, and that's what people will hear a scream and more.
It wouldnt be an exaggeration that I would rather be dead but I dont know why. So much is hidden from me that I cant see for my own good. The only lead I have is a pre verbal child smearing thick bloody handprints everywhere. I try not to despise her, the mess and chaos that she has brought to my life because she has no choice. For her, it is either do this or die and I dont know how long I can carry on. I say its humiliating to me but my life beforehand has been humiliating to her, trying to develop and carrying around this.
Moving to a settled place, the fatigue is going but the flashbacks and nightmares are coming on, inside I am very mentally disturbed and I have a right to be after what ever happened. I feel the pressure to keep it in whilst everything inside of me is screaming to be heard, and that's what people will hear a scream and more.