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Abusive Ex Tried To Contact Me Today

Discussion in 'Discussion' started by Jline, May 19, 2010.

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  1. Jline

    Jline Active Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2010
    I have been in 2 abusive relationships and my ex from the second time around contacted me today. He sent me a text a while ago and said it was an accident. Then I received a Happy Mothers Day text. Today he text me and wants to engage in conversation with me. He asked me if I want him to return a painting that I did ages ago. I was able to ignore the other accidental texts but this one makes me so angry and now I know the other texts were not accidental at all. Funny but I deleted his number long ago.

    It also kind of saddened me a little that he is not able to move on and is texting me when I told him to NEVER contact me again. He was never a good listener anyway. I thought I was safe finally as he is with another woman and her child and I ended the relationship with such finality. Now I have a worry going on about her, blah

    I will not be replying to his text instead I am going to say a little prayer for them.
     
  2. Artista

    Artista Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2010
    Hmmm... hard to get completely away once someone's been in your life and you've made an imprint on one another. Must be difficult to feel intruded upon again. You are not responsible for his actions, but I can understand wanting to spare another woman some pain and grief.(is that what you meant?) Funny.. I always still feel responsible for things. T said to me yesterday... "after all we discuss, you still blame yourself" and she's right. People choose to do bad things and choose to react to bad things.

    Not completely relevant but she put it to me in a very blunt way that i wanna share....

    She said ok... lets play devil's advocate. Let's say you choose to go out in the worst section of town at 2 A.M. and ring a bell and shout loud as you can.."Come get me"... even though it may not be a wise decision at the time... who chooses to come???? To do the bad things? It kinda hit home. I know it all logically. Just hard to have it sink in when you felt to blame for most of your life!! There is some sense of control there I cling to. I can't control them but I can what i do.

    IMHO, Just take care of yourself J... move into the future and leave him where you want him to remain.
     
  3. Jline

    Jline Active Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2010
    Thanks Artista. Yes that is what I meant, I want her and her daughter to be ok. I know the woman, she is with him for his money as she has no job and a child to raise. She told a close friend of mine that is why she is with him. The sick me told this ex if I ever hear that he has hurt her he will pay a high price, as if I have any control over that. When people are abused they seldom say anything, I guess because we get sicker the longer we stay, often putting on a brave face in public. I know another side of him, I hope she never sees it but that is probably inevitable. He also told my good friend that he still thinks he has a chance of getting me back. Makes me nervous, I was stalked before. Him texting me made my alarms go off but I was able to control my anxiety and rapid thoughts and got on with my day. I was not going to let the sick me take over again.

    I do wish I had of charged him for what he did to me and feel guilty for not taking care of myself, for letting him into my life in the first place when I should have known better. Blah, lol. I definately need to work on blaming myself for sure. When I was in hospital they warned me about attracting the same type of man when I got out. I was with this man for a year before he hit me same as the other man, 1 year, weird eh. They both became obsessed with getting married and I didn't want to get married as I just got divorced, not sure if that is what started their controlling and hitting me. I should have been taking care of me and not him and his kids, I realise this now. The bruises and broken bones heal but the emotional scares stay on. I guess I should forgive myself and let go of the past as much as I can.
     
  4. Artista

    Artista Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2010
    What a bad egg!!! Unfortunately we can't stop what happens in other's lives! I can see why you feel ill about it and his ways now moving to yet another woman or child. I would probably say something out of concern if I saw her, but then again... that would make me wonder if it inflamed him towards stalking me. I can see your dilemma in this! I think considering how you are progressing, take care of you at this point. Perhaps warning a good friend of hers would be further from the source? I dunno. Hard one. I would feel as you do. Then again, as in any way of making a good change in your life, they say to rid yourself of the bad influences. So, steering clear of this as much as possible is probably best. You are clearly moving ahead. Keep that momentum up!

    And do remember when you try to stop blaming yourself... We all do the best we can with what we know at the time!!!! I KNOW.. I'm great at giving that advice! Some day, I'll listen too! lol I used to think knowing is half the battle. Yet I'm often not so sure. I logically know many things, yet the severity of its affect takes time to overcome how we think! Re-train the pathways or something!:crazy:
     
  5. a3a2

    a3a2 I'm a VIP

    Joined:
    May 10, 2009
    Jline,

    Could you change your number to throw him off for a bit? It has to be terribly stressful for you. Yes, pray for him, and especially the child under his roof, but take care of yourself.
     
  6. Jline

    Jline Active Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2010
    Thanks a3a2 and Artista,

    I am going to get a new phone soon and change the number for sure. I am trying hard not to let this get to me but failing a bit. I had wine and pot last night and got really upset...I shouldn't drink but I can't seem to stop somtimes. I feel gross today. I was doing good there for a while lol. Feel like i'm constantly talking to myself, it's so much work.
     
  7. Artista

    Artista Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2010
    I feel exhausted too J... its a lonely job being your own best friend some days!!! I get it. I think we are gonna lapse now and then just outta sheer tiredness. Least that's how I'm feeling. The self-talk is a savior of sorts but it takes more effort than anyone knows that doesn't have to do this. I bet you just needed a break. It's good to start trustung ourselves and have our own back... but some days would be nice to let another take over huh? Hard to do. I'm right there with ya! : /
     
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  8. Jline

    Jline Active Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2010
    I think the weather is affecting me too. It went from sunny to cloudy and cold. Makes me want to just lay around and do nothing. It seems to always alter my mood. Blah, blah, blah lol. More self talk needed for those days. I messed up last night by drinking...lesson learned. All these memories came flooding in, I became so angry and fed up, was in tears. Probably needed to cry, I guess it's better than feeling numb all the time and not processing my feelings. Just can't seem to have a normal Friday night like the happy people do.

    My ex husband wants me back, back the way I was though, haha. There is always a catch.


    We were together for 20 years and he is the father of my children. He is a good man. He has never hit me, hell he has never even called me a bad name and is gorgeous. Problem is I am afraid to be with him. I am busy getting better, not feeling very sexual and am so afraid of being controlled even though he isn't like that. All the same my alarms are going off in full PTSD mode. I do need a break.
     
  9. Ayesha

    Ayesha Life is a one time offer, use it well!
    Staff Member Premium Member

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    May 8, 2010
    Sounds like a good man...But why ex husband? you should think about why hes your ex too...I'm just saying
     
  10. Jline

    Jline Active Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2010
    Hi Ayesha,

    He is a very good man but we grew apart because I moved away to go to school and to prevent my kids from a drug and alcohol scene that was a problem with teens in the little town I lived in. It was the right choice for them. My kids are doing excellent in life and my daughter just finished vet assistant school. My ex husband ended up moving even further away for work and I was left raising the kids on my own, he sent money. We ended up meeting other people that wanted to get married, I just met the wrong kind.
     
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