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Acceptance Of Past

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But it's the bad things that change us, and sometimes for the better (I think)

I have a tendency to see the negatives and often forget about the good things learnt from bad experiences. It's not something that I've really thought indepth about either so I'm going to write a list to use when I start agonizing over the past.


This is the rugsack I will alway carry if I like it or not So Im not thinking that much about it anymore as Ive realised this

Thank you for writing this. This is how I want to feel about my past. The past has taken enough from me already and by thinking about it so much I' m only allowing it to take even more.
 
The rugsack trauma theory here by presented :)
Ive been thinking of my traumas and how to carry like a rugsack. I realised Im always going to carry this rugsack. But I can choose wether to make it wear me down or to try to ease the burden as much as possible so the trod of life can be one worth living for. One that eventually hopefully will let me flourish and bloom and have a life with quality. The rugsack symbolize that the past will never go away. What is done is done. So even when I heal Ill have to be aware of this cause setbacks can come and better be prepared then sorry.
After trauma the rugsack will be full of stones that can seem hard to handle. Some very heavy. Some even hot burning warm bearly something to handle.
But at some point I belive one must dare to open ones rugsack and look at whats inside of it. To deal with these stones. No matter how heavy. No matter how much the burn. And so forth. Cause the rugsack will be there anyway.
Then as you look at the stones and investigate and ask what use they can do for and to you. Take out the warm ones and let them chill out. Maybe find some water to cool them. One can start to replace those stones that weighs one done with other things (creating new memories doing nice stuff / doing good things /self care) like flowers, butterflies and all the things that can be of the good and the blessed.
And with this to hope that one day this rugsack is one I can wear with pride like a sun warrior badge.

And @Flutterbee this what you say is also what Im thinking - the past has taken enough life from me. I deserve better then traumas and misery. And so do you - all the best blessing on your healing journey.
 
Since having the symptoms return, I have found myself doing an inventory of the past and wishing I could telliport back and do something differently. But I can't :( what the anger is really about is suffering in the present. The truth is, when I feel well, the I know the past won't matter so much, because I am living well.
Since I'm going through a rough time, its hard to see the silver lining. But what I do know is that those lessons learned will help me appreciate good things and nurture my health. Once accepting that this is what I have to deal with, I think less about what happened. Sometimes I just imagine putting those thoughst in a box and imagine all the things I really want to experience in life that I have not yet done.
 
I think if one finds the capacity to accept or forgive, and it will generally help them to heal, or improve thier situation- I'm all for it.

I can't accept or forgive my past issues/circumstances- and I know if I ran into certain people, I wouldn't control my desires to effect some justice, thus I moved, cut-ties, and work tirelessly to try and lock away certain things. Probably not the healthiest thing- but at least I can live with it.
 
I can't accept or forgive my past issues/circumstances-

Forgiveness is one of the ways I thought I might be able to come to terms with the past and at one stage I even thought I was there. When I fully realised the harm caused, that changed. Although people say when you forgive you're allowing yourself to be free of it rather than saying what they did was ok, I still can't forgive.
 
My sister, who face times me every night, is always telling me to forget abut my past, and plan for the future, I know she is right, but when you've been through so much crap as I have, it's almost impossible to forget, no matter how hard I try?

Don't get me wrong I really do want to move on, and put that all behind me, but the future isn't looking that great for me either?
 
I have found that being able to accept the past of my life has gotten me out of many years of being in a stuck rut.

Now I am more focusing on creating a good life for me and unlearning old survival habits and retraining my brain to be more on the look for the positives in my life.

I do not forget neither do I dwell anymore. But I am refusing to allow the past to define me as a person.
 
I am very much in the middle of working on this.

I feel like this relates but unsure. Here goes:

I had a moment today when I heard myself say, sometimes this (trauma) is what happens. In fact it happens to us all, to varying degrees.
We don't get our preference, we don't get our needs, wants and desires met. On the mild end it annoys, upsets, hurts and at the extreme end devastates, yes...all of this, yes...


now ( in which I imagine could be mins, months, years after acknowledging the above) what do you want to do next, just this moment?
 
I'm still figuring out how to accept the reality of my trauma - see it for what it is, instead of smothering it with all the false beliefs that I have about what it was and why it happened. Once I've nailed that? I'm kind of hoping the acceptance thing, and letting it just be part of my past instead of something that keeps hurting me and haunting me every day, will fall into place. The repetitive thoughts about what happened will serve less of a purpose once I've been able to just accept the reality of it.

As for forgiveness? Part of my healing definitely includes a need to forgive myself. For being an innocent kid who actually couldn't stop it happening and couldn't protect herself. Forgiving others though - I approach that more like the acceptance thing. Once I can see my abuser for what he was, rather than the mythical hero that I have in my head, I don't think forgiveness will be as relevant and, if it is relevant, so difficult to tackle. I think it will be easier to let go once I've come to terms with the reality of it - he will become a dark person in my past, nothing more.

At least...that's the plan! Despite how kumbiyah that all sounds, most days my headspace is a lot closer to "Faaark this sh!te":rolleyes:
 
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