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Acceptance vs. Resignation

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cragger65

MyPTSD Pro
Howdy y'all. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the powerful theme of Acceptance. But what does it mean? Where does acceptance end and resignation begin.

Are they the exact same thing, or completely different animals? Are they only a few, spare degrees apart, or are they polar opposites? Is it an attitude? A final analysis? Does it help? Can it hinder?

A million questions I haven't even thought of, I'm sure. With so much collective wisdom on this board, I am looking forward to learning something about myself.

Dave
 
I think acceptance is a bit different from resignation. When you accept something, you can go on with your life and move forward. When you just resign yourself, it's almost as if you've given up hope.

Accepting our limitations doesn't stop us of from trying expand them a bit...pushing our own personal envelope. Accepting them is ackowleding. Resignation is giving in and not trying anymore.

At least that's my opinion.

Lisa
 
For me, I think acceptance involves honesty and accepting people, circumstances, myself etc. for what they seem to be, and with the understanding of what I can change, and the relief of letting go of what I cannot. For me acceptance is the freedom of carrying on without denial but with an understanding that the future can unfold in positive and unexpected ways, potentially. Acceptance helps me live in and deal with the present moment better and be responsible for myself.

On the other hand, resignation to me is usually full of despair, an underlying hopelessness that not only can I not effect a change, but nothing or no one else can, or ever will. I think there is a lot of underlying sadness and disappointment and a focus on a dreaded, intractable, never-going-to-improve view (or fear) of the future.
 
I think acceptance and resignation are the same animal, only one is a bit wiser: acceptance. I "accept" after deep reflexion whereas, i "resign" by gut feeling.
 
I think that acceptance is such a positive feeling term. I want to be accepted for who I am. I accept that I have all these illnesses, but they do not define me. I am more than the sum of my illnesses.

Resignation is such a pejorative term. People resign when they see no hope, no future, and feel trapped and stop trying to move ahead.

Do I accept that I have PTSD or do I resign to that fact? That depends on where I am in my life. When I got each diagnosis, I went through a time of grieving. Becoming disabled is a great loss and it caused depression even moreso than before! I grieved for the healthy person I used to be, who could work and be productive in society. Initial resignation slowly became acceptance when I realized that my PTSD (and other health problems) do not "have" me---I have PTSD, but it does not have me. It is treatable and it does not control me.
 
Some excellent input from everyone, thank you. So far, I can already see some commonalities and some unique insights.

What I've been musing on is the 3 stages of acceptance I seem to have gone/am going through. At first, there was complete denial - it wasn't me, it was "them". Them came recognition of all my faults and weaknesses - things I'd never recognized in myself before. My reaction, deep depression accompanied by a complete, wholesale rejection of myself - I was "a failure as a human being".

But I am working now on accepting that I have a lot of negatives: I tend to be angry and over-reactive; I am selfish; I often find it hard/or forget to be grateful. But I have a few counter-balances to that: I am kind; I can be generous; I try to show understanding and compassion to others.

I previously believed that I had to be "all good", or I was simply "all bad". But I'm both, not in perfect balance, but by accepting myself, it puts me in a position to choose what I will do with that, one thought, on situation at a time. I didn't feel like I had a choice before - I was a miserable shit, and that was that. In a very real sense, it was shirking responsibility for my own feelings.

Does this make sense?
 
Hi cragger I am a great advocate for balance in every characteristic. Acknowledging this duality in us creates balance. I have equal amounts of anger as I do compassion. It's OK to be angry, but it's not OK to be abusive with that anger.

Most people see anger as such a negative trait because it gets abused. In reality, anger is a "natural" human emotion and is needed. Anger has helped children turn their perpetrators into the authorities, it has brought woman out of suppression by taking a stand.

It's good to look at every characteristic you have (the way you did with anger, over -reacting, being selfish and forgetting to be grateful) When you do this you will see which traits you are suppressing and which ones are prominent.

When you figure out all that are negative and show up the most, just acknowledge you have them and work on bringing out the the polar opposite and shed light on those.

This will help you balance out the duality, you, and every human being posses, in themselves.

Take care
Tammy
 
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

I'm really really trying to use this.
 
Does this make sense?

This makes lots of sense. I did a lot of this sort of thinking myself for the 10 years after my car crash that i was doing OK. It is only in the last two years that i have changed my thought process back into a Good/Bad black and white picture of thuings. It is very dissappointing to be here buit then I had a lot of help kicking me down.
 
great topic, cragger,

I think of resignation as my first weapon against denial and a weapon in cracking open my shell. It was hard to realize that I had been a 'victim.' I had to resign, for a while, from my Pollyanna view of life that I had developed to hide the truth.

Resignation has been a slow process of dealing with each traumatic event. Slow because traumatic memory does not hold all the pieces of memory together in one orderly place. The memory is only complete when I have let myself put the history part together. Then comes feeling and processing the effect of those feelings on me when I can be resigned, not dissociated, to my helplessness in each trauma.

When and only when I can place the responsibility squarely where it belongs and recognize that I am supposed/entitled to be alive, can I move gently into acceptance. For me, aceptance is a learned behavior that has taken practice. I still sometimes fail at it during and after flashbacks. I was taught complete compliance which is true life-protecting resignation.

With acceptance comes the possibility for joy, deep faith, good friends. The recognition I need is that I have a handicap that does show much but is a handicap non the less. Acceptance of my limitations is healthy and allows me to lead a balanced life most of the time....until the trigger overturns my boat again. It seems like I'm always trying to learn how to swim over and over again, but I can smile about it.
 
Seekin Nirvana,
That's exactly the topic I am turning over in my head lately!! Balance. I pace a lot, and if I feel off, I imagine I am balancing a long steel rod on my index finger. One one end, is anger and reactivity, on the other end is patience and kindness. Not all one, nor the other, but the "middle path" as the Buddha might say ;)

Irton,
I have used that same prayer myself - I find I still have to work at deciphering what exactly is in/or beyond my control. My thoughts and actions ultimately, I suppose. I suffer the exact same "B&W thinking" view as you - tough nut.

Mercy,
that is a really interesting take on the healing process. As usual, I was rejecting resignation completely without considering that it might play a role in the natural process. Hmmm. I'm still routing for the acceptance part, but maybe as you've put it, I'll occilate between the two as I go. I was thinking more linear. But in this sense, it is more a form of (difficult) acceptance - "I resign myself to the fact that I have to face this and do the work". This isn't the way I was thinking of resignation - more of "giving up trying" in a sense, or "accepting" there is no hope for improvement (which is BS, IMO).

Thanks for the posts everyone, I'm getting some excellent feedback on this one.

Dave
 
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