Vulnerasti Cor
New Here
My granddaughter will turn five in a few days and within about the past year, I've had two incidents that (to me at least) highly suggest sexual abuse. Since I'm a survivor myself, I distrust myself on these issues--probably as I did growing up, with minimization and denial, dissociation?--and I KNOW this stuff is triggering for me. I'd love to get people's input on two things: if you believe these incidents do indeed suggest abuse and if you have ideas about what I might do.
Background: I've got PTSD from sexual molestation from several perps as child, as well as adult rape. I married a sociopath whom--evidence and therapists strongly suggest--sexually abused my daughter, starting at young age. She adamantly refuses to even acknowledge that. (Even though she intentionally broke an arm at age of eight and went to therapy for years.) She's never wanted to marry (despite having her choice of men) and now lives (enmeshed) with P, who lives at her house and has two boys aged about nine and eleven, who are there two weekends a month.
Incident One: broken elbow
I was running around with my granddaughter, whom I'll call N, and slipped on some water on kitchen floor, hit hard and broke elbow. Other than swearing once, I was not expressing pain, though I lay on floor stunned for at least twenty minutes. N spoke with me calmly in kitchen until . . . I developed an egg-sized lump at my elbow, a JUMBO egg. I mentioned that in normal tone but she freaked out. In fact, N became more agitated than I've ever seen her by FAR, backed against wall and repeating to me, "Are you going to go up?" Over and over. I couldn't make sense of that but she kept repeating while crying hysterically.
Then she switched to other question: "You're not going to get bigger, are you? I don't want you to get bigger." I couldn't figure out the link between those two questions for maybe ten minutes, until it hit me. Her emotions were EXTREME so I called S (my daughter) to come home. At that point N was at the door, wanting to open it and go out, sobbing that she wanted her mom. S told me the next day she'd never seen N like that, so upset, before.
I asked S to come to my apt so I could share a letter with her, detailing what happened and saying how concerned I was as a result (NOTHING ELSE). She became very angry at me as a result. I called child protection without telling S, relating incident, giving names, etc, as well as relating fact that P's ex-wife accused him of abusing his two boys (as S told me previously). I filed a report and they looked for a report on P but didn't find one, so his ex never officially reported that. They told me yes, incident is suggestive of abuse but unless I got more direct info from N, they couldn't do anything. I absolutely know I shouldn't question her myself cuz some would say I "tainted" her perceptions, but I'd love to have a pro do that, can't.
Know what? I've got to take a break from this, but I'll be back with incident two..
Background: I've got PTSD from sexual molestation from several perps as child, as well as adult rape. I married a sociopath whom--evidence and therapists strongly suggest--sexually abused my daughter, starting at young age. She adamantly refuses to even acknowledge that. (Even though she intentionally broke an arm at age of eight and went to therapy for years.) She's never wanted to marry (despite having her choice of men) and now lives (enmeshed) with P, who lives at her house and has two boys aged about nine and eleven, who are there two weekends a month.
Incident One: broken elbow
I was running around with my granddaughter, whom I'll call N, and slipped on some water on kitchen floor, hit hard and broke elbow. Other than swearing once, I was not expressing pain, though I lay on floor stunned for at least twenty minutes. N spoke with me calmly in kitchen until . . . I developed an egg-sized lump at my elbow, a JUMBO egg. I mentioned that in normal tone but she freaked out. In fact, N became more agitated than I've ever seen her by FAR, backed against wall and repeating to me, "Are you going to go up?" Over and over. I couldn't make sense of that but she kept repeating while crying hysterically.
Then she switched to other question: "You're not going to get bigger, are you? I don't want you to get bigger." I couldn't figure out the link between those two questions for maybe ten minutes, until it hit me. Her emotions were EXTREME so I called S (my daughter) to come home. At that point N was at the door, wanting to open it and go out, sobbing that she wanted her mom. S told me the next day she'd never seen N like that, so upset, before.
I asked S to come to my apt so I could share a letter with her, detailing what happened and saying how concerned I was as a result (NOTHING ELSE). She became very angry at me as a result. I called child protection without telling S, relating incident, giving names, etc, as well as relating fact that P's ex-wife accused him of abusing his two boys (as S told me previously). I filed a report and they looked for a report on P but didn't find one, so his ex never officially reported that. They told me yes, incident is suggestive of abuse but unless I got more direct info from N, they couldn't do anything. I absolutely know I shouldn't question her myself cuz some would say I "tainted" her perceptions, but I'd love to have a pro do that, can't.
Know what? I've got to take a break from this, but I'll be back with incident two..