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Afraid To Post On These Forums

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xraydave

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I dont what it is, ever since the other day when i posted on here and people were like saying i have autism, ive been going in a cycle inside my head going 'you are disordered'. and that line of thinking came up from when i was traumatized a few years back.

those same memories, same feelings, all of it came back.

dissociation confuses the person, and can make emotional connections to other people blurry. dissociation can be a culprit of similar things to autism. autistic people are a bit different, but even if i do have autism, who i am, with my ptsd, can only be dealt one way.

i just dont like how our community here, can be so polarized to thinking 'oh these people are disordered, and these people arent'. it's just not right, we have to see a way that treatment can work, and sometimes, treatment works from seeing 'more than a disorder'. i hope i am making sense to you.

I've already gone to therapy, so thinking 'oh i have autism to deal with on top of all that' , is not going to help me and my insecure beliefs about myself. it does not help with those underlying ptsd stuff.

and now i am scared to write on here, because it's too triggering. i feel like i need 'some requirement' to write on here, like i have to do some 'work' before i can even get any help on here. so i fear writing here at all.
 
Im unsure why you feel that way as you've only written in 2 threads that ive seen; one at which gave incorrect info and JL advised the things that she saw that was out of line with the community. Also, if you are triggered, you own your triggers and i own mine.

Then the next thread you tagged 2 members to tell them that you are not sorry which drags a situation from one to another and caused massive upset. Now im not sure how you would react in a room of people but imagine this community as a room of real life people, how would you react? The fear of posting has to do with you, and thats ok, im not critisizing you as we all have things about ourselves to work on but no one here that ive seen since you've been back gave you feedback that remotley even said in any possible way that you are "disordered" and that you shouldnt post because you are "disordered". In that sense then we are all "disordered".

ETA: You also got massively wonderful feedback in your last thread even though you called out 2 members to say Im not sorry; I, myself, didnt get that but read around it and I see no where at all where anyone is discouraging you in posting until you get help.

And I also dont see in the community has a whole where the community says "these people are 'disordered' and these arent". If thats how your thoughts go then thats your own negitive thinking and negitive congnitions that need to be worked on.

Just my opinion and 2 cents.

ETA take 2: cognitive distortions is what i meant by negitive cognitions; couldnt think of the correct phrase.
 
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I don't know if this is helpful to add, but I read your thread thrice now and also looked in your other threads and I honestly do not understand what you are trying to communicate. Not one bit. I just say this, because in the past I have found it immensly helpful when people told me I did not make much sense to them. In trying to clarify I found a lot of, well, clarity. (It could also be just me, I am very foggy headed at the moment)
 
clarity. (It could also be just me, I am very foggy headed at the moment)

No, its not just you; I also had the same issue and being dyslexic, i already have to re-read and i miss understand threads and posts a lot but most of the time i needed to wait until some others replied to get a gist of what was being said in your thread in order to reply accordingly.

I find you talk all over the place and maybe thats how your thoughts go and thats ok but we need to understand what you need and/or what you are asking for feedback on to give you feedback that will be of most help.

I had a habit, when I first joined, of writing without breaking up it in paragraphs and having a shit ton of typos; the reason was i was trying to get my reply in on a phone on a break at work. What it caused was many had problems reading it. I got this feedback both privetly and publiclly and took it as critisim and then made a "listen here im not changing how i type" thread. So ive been there on this and people cant give you feedback if they dont understand what you want feedback on and at least one person asked you if there was a question in your last thread and id bet it was because they were struggling to understand what you wanted feedback on.

Look, this is a group of wonderful and caring people but you left last Nov and came back late Apr; since a lot are gone and even more are new. With new people in "the room" there are different personalities, different cultures, different knowledge on different things. But you have to accept that this issue is you, not the group and until you accept that you will always have an issue with 'the community' in my opinion.
 
One bit of advice I got is to PAUSE when strong feelings or flashbacks hit us. Instead, I was urged to allow the emotions generated via conditioning to roll through our hearts and bodies rather than reacting to them too soon by sending emails or saying something we may regret. Especially when that reactive response could be dissociating: a way to push away strong, unpleasant feelings that trigger further overwhelming emotions in us. I understand when we're mid flashback we are not always able to pause, but it is a habit worth cultivating. I appreciate the response above re: owning triggers. Best, J
 
One bit of advice I got is to PAUSE when strong feelings or flashbacks hit us.

Yes yes yes! I was also advised to pause and wait before replying. I cant quote as it was a while ago but i think they said wait an hour maybe? As i was replying too fast and wasnt giving myself time to process anything and all i was doing was winding myself up more and more and couldnt disengage from it to let the emotions 'cool down'.

Today im in a different place but at times Im needing to walk away (and a few times i fall back into replying fast when emotions are 'hot' but we are human and will slip) but today im mostly able to talk and not take everything as being critisim and when i feel it is i most of the time set my phone down and go do something and come back to it later and most of the time i can see its not critisim. If it is then i either reply nicely or not at all. But waiting to reply was the single best advise i could of gotten.
 
I've already gone to therapy, so thinking 'oh i have autism to deal with on top of all that' , is not going to help me and my insecure beliefs about myself. it does not help with those underlying ptsd stuff.
What would help you? Honest question.

Also, @xraydave - please take a step back and consider why you are here, and what you'd like to get out of being here. This forum works for lots of different people, at many different points in their journey; but it doesn't work for people who only want to lash out at the forum itself. If you are in the latter category, you'll find yourself banned.
 
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I'm sorry to hear that you now find that your last thread was triggering for you. At the time, you were openly grateful and engaged with the constructive and compassionate replies that you received from members. On this forum, as has been pointed out to you before, we are all responsible for our own triggers, and I hope that you find a more constructive way to manage that trigger. We aren't mind readers: if you tell us things are good at your end, we will all proceed on the basis that things are good on your end. If you're being triggered, you actually have to point that out or step away - we can't guess.


Like all of us with our triggers, it is your responsibility to manage your triggers, and having reread your thread (which was actively seeking feedback on your ideas about your difficulty with communication and relationships) it would have been quite impossible for anyone to have any idea that the conversation was, or might become, triggering for you.

In terms of how the community makes you feel, you seem to be expressing a feeling that the community is telling you that you are "too disordered" to post here. I think spending some time reading other threads might be an idea? The community here openly welcomes members as they are, each with our own issues and problems.

As for the "maybe this is my dissociation making it hard for me...", I have dissociative disorder, and I'm struggling with that connection here.

This is feedback, not criticism: this is the second time that you have posted something that is somewhat at odds (read: the complete opposite) to what you have posted previously:

You posted a statement that accused another member of being "irrational" for thinking his doctor might be homophobic and, after spending some time defending that statement, did a complete U-Turn, and blamed your dissociation. As in this thread, you then asserted that we should have somehow miraculously known that it was your dissociation causing the problem.

By the end of your previos thread, you were openly expressing gratitude and hopefulness about the ideas from the community (which you now say was triggering and, again, blame the members for failing to understand and accept you and your dissociation) and blame your dissociative issues for that as well...

Whatever it is, dissociation, autism, not enough sleep, etc etc etc, it is difficult to keep cheering for your team when your team is continually doing complete U-Turns and blaming the membership for failing to mind-read what was going on for you. It's actually you doing those U-Turns, not the community. Maybe that's an area you could work on, which might make this community a more rewarding place for you..?
 
No one here can diagnose you with anything. It's just thinking out loud sort of stuff.

Your post seems a little littered with cognitive distortions (not a dig at all I just find it helpful if people point it out to me when I don't see it myself) black and white thinking, disqualifying the positive you seemed to gain from the other thread.

It is scary posting, putting yourself out there and getting replies and opinions you maybe didn't expect. I still find it scary to post here.

You seem upset and I'm sorry you're hurting at the moment. :hug: If you accept them.

Take a little time do something comforting for yourself what ever it is that you enjoy doing. (Take a bath, watch a funny movie, paint, lie down with your favourite blanket, meditate, go for a run) do something just for you especially to be kind to yourself.
 
I find you talk all over the place and maybe thats how your thoughts go and thats ok but we need to understand what you need and/or what you are asking for feedback on to give you feedback that will be of most help.

Maybe this is good advice... and it's alarming to me as well, because i am a pretty good communicator, but then i had this freaking seizure like activity the past few days, and cant keep a thought in my head. (Hence why i made the thread 'cant keep a thought in my head').

Ya see, not only people with PTSD are on this forum, but people with psychosis too remember? Also, people with other disorders or from other cultures even - who may not have the greatest ability to speak their thoughts coherently .

I don't care what community this is, if you can't understand the simple fact that there are people with different communicative abilities, you shouldnt be able to speak at all either.

the only thing i want to talk about right now, is that you shouldnt assume that people here havent had a proper diagnosis - when they have had it. and if just the other day, we can all get together to make a big mess of me and my issues and diagnosing me with autism for not communicating as coherently as you, you would need to start utilizing your empathy as well.

I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DONT THINK IM HAVING THE SAME ISSUES YOU DO.
 
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