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Aggression Cloaked In 'humour'

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shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
I just realized something this week. I won't go into detail as to the particular situation, but I asked for something and the response back to me was meant to be 'funny'. It was actually an 'f-you'. When I called the person out on it I was told that I was 'too sensitive'. I never actually was supplied with what I requested, but there was a large attempt to make me feel as if I 'didn't get what funny was'.

Does anyone else deal with supposed humour that feels like a form of humiliation? I wonder sometimes if words are used to cloak actual intentions (aggressive intentions) that I suppose could be called gaslighting.
 
I have a bad habit of actually being the one that does that to people. :bag:

Yes, it's aggressive and it's not so much meant to humiliate the other person, but as a way for the person doing it to bluntly say negative things without having to overcome being a coward.

The saying you have no sense of humor when you question it, isn't gaslighting necessarily, at least not in my case.

I do that because I'm being called out for saying something mean and trying to pass it off as funny. I dont want to feel guilty that I hurt somebody's feelings, and I don't want to explain my mean thoughts. Because I'm a spineless b***h , I deflect it back to the person by saying they ' didnt get it ' . :(

I'm going to go read something that makes me feel better about myself now. Bye. :cry:
 
I did it once and I felt like the biggest douche-bag ever! So out of character for me. I felt like a tool. Never did it again as it made the other person feel stupid and it made me look like the biggest asshole ever. Lesson learned.

<used humor to put someone down. didn't deflect and say they didn't get it. I was able to pick up on my douchey-ness at that point without adding insult to injury and telling the other person that they were too dumb to understand my humor-----not that I'd say that, but yeah, it ended pretty fast. if that was done to me, I'd be tempted to cut the person off. friends don't do that stuff, at least not more than a one time mistake.>
 
Humor at my expense in being meant as a joke, is hurtful. I just recently experienced this and the person actually came back and apologized. That is so rare.

@coco9 thank you so much for your honesty. I usually think that the joke is a funny way to hurt someone and get away with it because that is how it feels passive aggressive. Our entire culture is this way now I think so it is fairly easy to do that and get away with it in my opinion.
 
My best friend and I do this with each other all the time. We insult each other, call each other "ugly", we use humor to put each other down. We even talk about her husband in a very derogatory manner using humor to "shade" it a bit.

Yeah, we both have very warped sense of humor. Only the strongest of people can be around us when we're together. We have very sharp tongues.
 
Only the strongest of people can be around us when we're together.
I am sorry, but this really caught my attention. I get this all the time in the responses to me when I call out on this stuff.

Why would a strong person even put up with this? I mean, I get it. If two people are consenting about it, have an arrangement and it is not being hidden - you and your friend know there are no rules, that is one thing. But to hide behind it? I feel like that is something altogether different.

Special thanks to @coco9. Brave. I respect that. And really appreciate your insight on this. It is super helpful.
 
One of my friends and I banter like this also... but we also know the boundaries... we have real conversation if there is a problem...
But for someone to give a 'dirty dig' disguised as humor will throw me into defensive mode.... I am an adult, bring it... say what's on your mind... have the balls to be honest... not scapegoat me when I react as opposed to respond...
 
Does anyone else deal with supposed humour that feels like a form of humiliation?

Yes yes yes! I cant believe I missed this thread! My step mom's form of humor is putting me down (sometimes very cruelly) and she'll be like "god im just kidding" and insert things that make me sound horrible with no humor whom is very crazy. I honestly dont get that style humor. I mean i may say something that teases but its normally not something that will really hurt them and if i do hurt someone's feelings then im very appologitic and feel real bad and certianly dont make them feel bad about it. Why would i? I was the dummy that hurt someone.
 
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