Zurrealx98
Learning
So today one of my students (I volunteer as a teachers assistant at my mosque's Sunday school) told me that an older man follows her home from school regularly. I asked her to tell me more and someone even kissed her. As a sexual abuse survivor this was deeply distressing so I told her that she's not in trouble but that I need to tell her mom for her safety. I told the principle and my liaison. After school we waited for her mom to come and told her everything. Since I was the one the girl talked to, I had to stay behind and my mom (who is physically and emotionally abusive) was angry that she had to wait 20 minutes. Once I'm done, she proceeds to yell at me in the parking lot in front of people about how I'm a terrible bitch. She also hit me a few times when we got in the car. She knew why I had to stay back and didn't care. "Don't you know I'm sick? Why are you always favoring others. You're going to have to answer to God when you die. The older you get the more misbehaved you become." And she just goes on for like 45 minutes telling me to get out of her car and that I'm not her daughter. It's just such an exaggerated response. Everyday it's something new.
And it's so frustrating bc I'm always having to make sacrifices for others and then get in trouble in the end. For example, my sister has mental health issues and cannot stand to be near my older brother. So whenever she visits we don't want him to come bc he'll just exacerbate her issues. So my dad asks me to lie and say that we aren't home (bc I'm the only one in the family who still tries to reach out to him regularly). My mom called him later that night asking why he wouldn't visit when my sisters in town and he told her that I said we weren't home. She ofc decides to yell at and hit me again calling me a liar and a terrible person.
And everyone is so worried about taking care of my sister that I'm always having to make sacrifices for her too. I have my own mental health issues so the fact that I'm constantly having to do stuff for her and take care of her is so frustrating. My dad is always pushing me to help her and put her first when he knows I was sexually abused and have issues bc of that already. On top of that I'm so stressed with school and work. I don't have a choice tho bc I have to work to help my dad pay the bills. It just feels like I'm making sacrifices left and right and never get a single thank you or any concern. I just always say I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine so everyone just rolls with it and puts me on the back burner. My siblings don't know that I was sexually abused and for the most part don't know the extent of my moms abuse to me (besides the one brother who doesn't live with us). So they also have such high expectations of me. And if I'm in a bad mood or angry it's uncalled for. The thing is even when I am angry or sad I don't yell or scream or cry. But the fact that I'm not smiling is enough to get them on my case. It's just so frustrating.
Thanks to anyone who read this. Sorry about grammar or if anything didn't make sense. I'm just so angry I can't think straight
And it's so frustrating bc I'm always having to make sacrifices for others and then get in trouble in the end. For example, my sister has mental health issues and cannot stand to be near my older brother. So whenever she visits we don't want him to come bc he'll just exacerbate her issues. So my dad asks me to lie and say that we aren't home (bc I'm the only one in the family who still tries to reach out to him regularly). My mom called him later that night asking why he wouldn't visit when my sisters in town and he told her that I said we weren't home. She ofc decides to yell at and hit me again calling me a liar and a terrible person.
And everyone is so worried about taking care of my sister that I'm always having to make sacrifices for her too. I have my own mental health issues so the fact that I'm constantly having to do stuff for her and take care of her is so frustrating. My dad is always pushing me to help her and put her first when he knows I was sexually abused and have issues bc of that already. On top of that I'm so stressed with school and work. I don't have a choice tho bc I have to work to help my dad pay the bills. It just feels like I'm making sacrifices left and right and never get a single thank you or any concern. I just always say I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine so everyone just rolls with it and puts me on the back burner. My siblings don't know that I was sexually abused and for the most part don't know the extent of my moms abuse to me (besides the one brother who doesn't live with us). So they also have such high expectations of me. And if I'm in a bad mood or angry it's uncalled for. The thing is even when I am angry or sad I don't yell or scream or cry. But the fact that I'm not smiling is enough to get them on my case. It's just so frustrating.
Thanks to anyone who read this. Sorry about grammar or if anything didn't make sense. I'm just so angry I can't think straight