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Relationship Am I Dirty - A Poll

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Deleted member 28812

I want to ask you a question.

When there is some dirt on our bed linen my Vet wants me to wash it again. Same for towels and so on.
He expects all his clothes to be pressed but I do think with two young children I do not have the time.

Example: Our toddler ate a peanut butter sandwhich on the bed and there was a little bit of peanut butter. He expected me to wash the linen

I am a SAHM, he works fulltime. He admits he is triggered by dirt and he is fearful of germs.

Question for the poll: Are his expections unreasonable and due to his PTSD or am I dirty and should work on this?
 
In my house I have a rule : The person whom it bothers "wins" ...&... gets to deal with it!

That person is usually me. Cough.

It keeps me from blaming others for my own quirks. If it bothers me? Easy solution to the problem: do something about it, instead of trying to make others do something about it.

There are some family-activities I insist upon; a weekly fieldday (pizza, beer, music... And the whole house is scrubbed clean from top to bottom), daily & weekly chores that each person chooses (choose your favs!), a "ticket to pee" (if you're going to pee standing up? Then you're going to wipe down the toilet and the floor each day... To be fair, I'm the only girl, so I lift the seat up after ***I'm*** done peeing).

Would I personally strip the bed & wash the sheets after peanut butter (or anything else) got spilled on it? Yes. Would I ask anyone else to do it for me? Only if my arms were broken. Would I be mad someone else hadn't done it for me? Hell, no. But that me. I think it's awesome when someone does something for me, not the inverse... I don't expect others to be waiting on me hand and foot. Same token; the work I do "for" my family? Isn't waiting on them hand and foot. It's the exact same stuff I'd do when living on my own.
 
@Lucycat: Thanks! Where can I find this forum.
@FridayJones: He does not really force me to do it but he threw it on the floor so that it really needed washing. He says he can do it but then he notices he does not have the time. I end up doing it. Same for the towels. *sigh*

And his clothes... if I don't want him to spend the night ironing them I will have to do it. He already gets very little sleep. Makes sense? Sorry no time to explain, need to wash the linen *lol*.
 
I have the complete opposite problem. It really really bothers me if my spouse feels like they have to do something because I didn't do it. I think you are feeling way too responsible for having to do these tasks, and he is taking advantage of it.

And seriously, it isn't 1950 anymore, who expects all their closed to be pressed any more? Work uniform maybe depending on the job but hope he isn't asking you to press his weekend clothes. This one really seems worse than the sheets IMHO.
 
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It can latch on @sun seeker.

How it goes is like this:

Unclean - unprepared - people die when you're unprepared...

flashbacks > everyone whose ever died because you (or someone) was unprepared - your family dead - massive anxiety attacks about your family dying because you were unprepared / it's your fault / need to be prepared.

It's a lovely little feedback loop where your brain is making connections and you're looking at spilled juice & can't find your mop... And seeing your kids dead on the floor shot to death because you couldn't find your rifle. And you see all the blown up, shot up, starving little bodies from somewhen else, with your kids faces, and little feet, and flies buzzing around and the horrid gawdawful stench of filth and death. Ugh. Total pain in the ass when the past and present blurs together like that.

Late is another military training thing that latches on in one of a couple different ways (for me...either people die when you're late, or if they're late? It's because they're dead). When I'm bad off, everyone I cannot actually see in front of me (including when I'm sleeping) is dead. Has kept me awake countless nights watching my son sleep. Because if I close my eyes? He's dead. Not for real, and I know that, but as long as I can see him... I know he's alive.

ETA
One of the things about military training... Most of it exists in order to keep you alive. And then it gets bone deep once people actually start dying. Some of the things I actively work against ((reverse logic, being one of them... Unprepared = People Die. However the reverse logic isn't true (prepared = live). People still die, no matter how prepared one is. It's faaaaar too easy to start believing that being prepared will keep my family safe. Nope. Not gonna go there. It doesn't. So I pop that little faulty-logic-bubble whenever I come across it. Nixes the OCD-like must-must-must be prepared and simply leaves the 'don't be unprepared' there. Might not sound like much, but it's actually pretty huge from a quality of life standpoint.)). Other things I let play out. To stick with the cleaning-bug? It's okay to clean. It's okay to seriously bust it out once a week. It's okay to XYZ. I make a whole list of "what's okay" and run with that. But I also draw a line where things are NOT okay. It's not okay to take shit out on others. It's not okay to be angry about it. It's not okay to ABC. By having both spaces? What's okay and what's not? It gives me some wiggle room. I can scratch the itch, that's okay, without making myself bleed, that's not okay. Denying scratching the itch at all? Is as crazy making as scratching until I'm bleeding all over.
 
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