J_trustno1
MyPTSD Pro
Here is a big problem. It may seem ridiculous to some of you. But I feel I am setting myself up for no good.
You guys are most likely to know my age anyway as I have posted it earlier (anyway 26). So the culture I come from the girls start getting married from the age of 20 on words. My age is kinda considered the lower end (their end point is 27-28). I know it is ridiculous, right?
Well, this what has happened on Friday:
I went to their house after several months (i.e. the abusers). I know that they are jealous of me because of my education and my fitness. So to make me feel bad about myself they have to bring in something that I don't have to belittle me! Anyway, I went to that house on Good Friday because we were invited for lunch.
My mum's brother's ex-wife was there. She was asking me what I was doing after completing my study. So I told her that i was looking for a job. She recommended me to work in retail as if I asked for her opinion. Anyway, I told her that I have a qualification in science and that too in chemistry so I will be looking for a job that is in my profession. Then the discussion moved onto antidepressants. She told me that she takes Fluxoteine so I told that i take Paroxetine but due to PMS it doesn't work during that last week. So she started telling me that she never had any emotional downfall, all she had was cramps on the first day of the period. I told her that i get bad cramps on the first day too. Then I told her that my mum's cramps stopped when she had me. She tell me, "you need to have a baby to stop cramps". I tried ignoring her statement. Then I told her that when my mum got married her cramps also lowered. Guess what she tell me. She told me that there is this place A in this city where people of my culture are so I should go there to get a service from them. In other words, I should go and sleep around to stop the cramps. Which really pissed me off!!
Now going back to my second paragraph. Since her daughter is married at the age of 21.( Note: her daughter left high school to do a foundation course. She was sent to private school where they paid a lot for a year to get her into high class degrees which never happened! She had boyfriends at the age of 13 on words.)
I know that it is none of my business but I was made to feel shit about myself for being single and jobless. Every time I meet these people, I am made to feel inadequate based on things I don't have yet, it can range from having a smartphone, drivers license, education, dreams, low financial status and now having no partner.
That comment has been stuck in my mind that I about to fall into the same trap of proving others wrong like I did by losing 20 kgs and then killing myself to get masters degree over depression and ptsd. My culture is famous for arranged marriages and I have told my mother to find someone so that I can get out this house. The reason I am not moving out yet because of my high vulnerability and being emotionally unstable. Now, I am seeing marriage as a way to get out of this current city so that i don't see these toxic relatives. I am falling into a trap of marriage to prove others wrong again (which is wrong!!) having known that I am no where near a relationship. I'm not ready for sex and what will i do on the day I have it?
Lastly, having gone to drivers lesson yesterday with my brother has destroyed me too where each time he calls me stupid and idiot for not listening to people. He told me that i get into trouble because I don't want to listen! He finds faults in me and always tells me who goes to the drive with a sister or to the beach. Now to move away from them I am creating another mess!
Gosh!! I'm really going to ruin my future if I have one!! Can some wise people tell me what hell I am about to do right now as my brain is all over the place! I've been crying and not sleeping because of what people are saying to me. Peoples comments get each time and they f*ck up my psychology very well.
You guys are most likely to know my age anyway as I have posted it earlier (anyway 26). So the culture I come from the girls start getting married from the age of 20 on words. My age is kinda considered the lower end (their end point is 27-28). I know it is ridiculous, right?
Well, this what has happened on Friday:
I went to their house after several months (i.e. the abusers). I know that they are jealous of me because of my education and my fitness. So to make me feel bad about myself they have to bring in something that I don't have to belittle me! Anyway, I went to that house on Good Friday because we were invited for lunch.
My mum's brother's ex-wife was there. She was asking me what I was doing after completing my study. So I told her that i was looking for a job. She recommended me to work in retail as if I asked for her opinion. Anyway, I told her that I have a qualification in science and that too in chemistry so I will be looking for a job that is in my profession. Then the discussion moved onto antidepressants. She told me that she takes Fluxoteine so I told that i take Paroxetine but due to PMS it doesn't work during that last week. So she started telling me that she never had any emotional downfall, all she had was cramps on the first day of the period. I told her that i get bad cramps on the first day too. Then I told her that my mum's cramps stopped when she had me. She tell me, "you need to have a baby to stop cramps". I tried ignoring her statement. Then I told her that when my mum got married her cramps also lowered. Guess what she tell me. She told me that there is this place A in this city where people of my culture are so I should go there to get a service from them. In other words, I should go and sleep around to stop the cramps. Which really pissed me off!!
Now going back to my second paragraph. Since her daughter is married at the age of 21.( Note: her daughter left high school to do a foundation course. She was sent to private school where they paid a lot for a year to get her into high class degrees which never happened! She had boyfriends at the age of 13 on words.)
I know that it is none of my business but I was made to feel shit about myself for being single and jobless. Every time I meet these people, I am made to feel inadequate based on things I don't have yet, it can range from having a smartphone, drivers license, education, dreams, low financial status and now having no partner.
That comment has been stuck in my mind that I about to fall into the same trap of proving others wrong like I did by losing 20 kgs and then killing myself to get masters degree over depression and ptsd. My culture is famous for arranged marriages and I have told my mother to find someone so that I can get out this house. The reason I am not moving out yet because of my high vulnerability and being emotionally unstable. Now, I am seeing marriage as a way to get out of this current city so that i don't see these toxic relatives. I am falling into a trap of marriage to prove others wrong again (which is wrong!!) having known that I am no where near a relationship. I'm not ready for sex and what will i do on the day I have it?
Lastly, having gone to drivers lesson yesterday with my brother has destroyed me too where each time he calls me stupid and idiot for not listening to people. He told me that i get into trouble because I don't want to listen! He finds faults in me and always tells me who goes to the drive with a sister or to the beach. Now to move away from them I am creating another mess!
Gosh!! I'm really going to ruin my future if I have one!! Can some wise people tell me what hell I am about to do right now as my brain is all over the place! I've been crying and not sleeping because of what people are saying to me. Peoples comments get each time and they f*ck up my psychology very well.