lostforgottensoul
MyPTSD Pro
So likely no one is really gonna be able to answer this. I just keep hearing/seeing "slow down" but I dont want to; now that the blame has shifted and I have room to move, to work this out, untangle my brain, to get better and I very badly I want to but Im wondering if, even if I dont see or feel it yet, if its gonna catch up to me and hit me like a train sending me tailspinning out of control.
So for those that have not a clue what Im refering too. I was given this image of changing my core beliefs (the cult's beliefs), my way of being in the world and interacting with others as like moving sand on a beach, one grain at a time. But the biggest wall thay was around my "beach" and the entire reason I couldnt get anywhere was I carried the full blame of my entire past, it was all "my fault" and that shifted to where it needs to be (on my abusers/cult leaders) about a week and a half ago; but i didnt know where to start. How to drill down "im bad" or "sex equals love" to something smaller and something I could work with; some great people here got me a starting point; how i would love a child if i could have one. So i posted about that in my diary. Was unsure of where to go with that, and still am, or how to apply that to me; since in my head im "lower than" or "other"; so im working on that; my first or most narrowed down core belief i could get to.
At the same time, i always felt that i need to grieve my inner child, an inner "being" i can feel and more so since the blame has shifted and so im working on doing that.
At the same time, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, (an emotional roller coaster) something I was quickly diagnosed with and I think I forgot about being on a site mainly about PTSD, which Im also dignosed with. But having BPD has shape most of not all of my interactions here and in the world; so my therapist had me buy the book The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for learning Mindfullness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotional Regulation, & Distress Tolerance and I got that on Saturday and on Chapter 2, i worked on it Saturday after work and tonight after work, took a break last night to write the poem to my inner child:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/dear-little-me.59204/
Remember, Im doing all of this at the same time but they are all different.
Oh and I do plan on (havent yet) watching Simply's post on getting "Super Better" which Im hearing will help me apply the DMT to my real life.
So Im trying to build on or figure out how to apply to me or even move the "grain of sand"; my core beliefs; how i would love a child if i had one, working on the DMT workbook, gonna watch "Super Better" to help me apply DMT in real life and trying to grieve my inner child all at the same time. I know we are suppose to work on one distoration at a time but all of these things are all in different.
I guess what Im asking is, does this seem like it will all come together and compliment each other, one help the other, all build on each other or does it seem im doing too much too fast and I should just pick one and go with it?
Im not feeling too overwhemled, yet, I am eating better (which was an issue for a while) but still not as Im supposed to and I think that it was the blame shift that caused that. It opened a flood and storm of new emotions and thoughts and causing constant nightmares and that hit me hard, but it was before all of what im doing now. My mood isnt any worse than usual (if anything its seeming to be just a little better; but dont think its the DMT workbook, not that far into it yet) and the book is giving me some time off the site, an issue I had; to be alone with these new thoughts and emotions.
But other than the DMT workbook, I feel so strong inside that i need to figure out how to grieve and show love for my inner child and i need to figure out how to move this "grain of sand" and start changing my core beliefs (the cult's beliefs).
What do you think? Too much at once or will all of these things eventually come together and build on each other?
So for those that have not a clue what Im refering too. I was given this image of changing my core beliefs (the cult's beliefs), my way of being in the world and interacting with others as like moving sand on a beach, one grain at a time. But the biggest wall thay was around my "beach" and the entire reason I couldnt get anywhere was I carried the full blame of my entire past, it was all "my fault" and that shifted to where it needs to be (on my abusers/cult leaders) about a week and a half ago; but i didnt know where to start. How to drill down "im bad" or "sex equals love" to something smaller and something I could work with; some great people here got me a starting point; how i would love a child if i could have one. So i posted about that in my diary. Was unsure of where to go with that, and still am, or how to apply that to me; since in my head im "lower than" or "other"; so im working on that; my first or most narrowed down core belief i could get to.
At the same time, i always felt that i need to grieve my inner child, an inner "being" i can feel and more so since the blame has shifted and so im working on doing that.
At the same time, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, (an emotional roller coaster) something I was quickly diagnosed with and I think I forgot about being on a site mainly about PTSD, which Im also dignosed with. But having BPD has shape most of not all of my interactions here and in the world; so my therapist had me buy the book The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for learning Mindfullness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotional Regulation, & Distress Tolerance and I got that on Saturday and on Chapter 2, i worked on it Saturday after work and tonight after work, took a break last night to write the poem to my inner child:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/dear-little-me.59204/
Remember, Im doing all of this at the same time but they are all different.
Oh and I do plan on (havent yet) watching Simply's post on getting "Super Better" which Im hearing will help me apply the DMT to my real life.
So Im trying to build on or figure out how to apply to me or even move the "grain of sand"; my core beliefs; how i would love a child if i had one, working on the DMT workbook, gonna watch "Super Better" to help me apply DMT in real life and trying to grieve my inner child all at the same time. I know we are suppose to work on one distoration at a time but all of these things are all in different.
I guess what Im asking is, does this seem like it will all come together and compliment each other, one help the other, all build on each other or does it seem im doing too much too fast and I should just pick one and go with it?
Im not feeling too overwhemled, yet, I am eating better (which was an issue for a while) but still not as Im supposed to and I think that it was the blame shift that caused that. It opened a flood and storm of new emotions and thoughts and causing constant nightmares and that hit me hard, but it was before all of what im doing now. My mood isnt any worse than usual (if anything its seeming to be just a little better; but dont think its the DMT workbook, not that far into it yet) and the book is giving me some time off the site, an issue I had; to be alone with these new thoughts and emotions.
But other than the DMT workbook, I feel so strong inside that i need to figure out how to grieve and show love for my inner child and i need to figure out how to move this "grain of sand" and start changing my core beliefs (the cult's beliefs).
What do you think? Too much at once or will all of these things eventually come together and build on each other?