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Am i just making my problem worse?

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NewBeginnings

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In a recent conversation with a friend, she mentioned about the damage meds do to our bodies especially when taken for years. I have been taking Wellbutrin 300 XL for about 18 months and prior to that Remeron. On Wellbutrin I almost don't even notice I take anything. At times I have felt really down and questioned if Wellbutrin was having any effect on me. On one hand prior to any med I do know that I was certain I was to die by successful suicide (had plan the whole bit) and that deep feeling has gone away. From time to time I have very minor SI but nothing like before- My T also thinks I have been able to process and overall improving. Ok so all fine but then it really occurred to me that even though I don't really notice the Wellbutrin there is still an effect. What am I doing to my organs? Will I get really sick because of taking this med (or any) AND what happens when I stop? I must be dependent (seemingly addicted) to taking this. Discontinueing does not look very good - worse depression than before! Increased suicide risk! Crying, emotional, moody, foggy, etc the symptoms sound terrifying.
The longer I do what I am doing am I making the problem worse? I know every action has a consequence and I feel really dumb that I thought this was a good idea. Any thoughts?
 
Stop me if I'm wrong, but if meds are keeping you from killing yourself, isn't that worth the risk of possible internal damage?

I also don't think you understand what it means to be addicted to a drug.
 
Every once in awhile, I back down my dose amounts on my meds. Not all at the same time; just one at a time, with my psychiatrists knowledge. We either find out that the dose can safely be lowered, that I can come off the med completely, or that no - actually, it's still doing something.

I don't think this is right for everyone. But I do periodically discover that meds have stopped having an effect on my depression, and switching is just a reality for me.

I am dependent on medication for depression. I may not be, one day. But that day isn't here yet.

Dependency is not addiction.
 
I think it's a really sensible question to be asking: what is this stuff doing to my body, short term & long term? That's a question about not just how it's helping (which can be really hard to objectively self-assess), but how does this medication actually work? What impact is it having on the other parts of my body? Is that impact worth it?

For me? With my doctor's help, I educate myself fairly rigorously about the meds I take, and like @joeylittle, I review them with my doctor at intervals. There are pros and cons for all of them, and since where I'm at changes over time, meds shift from being worth it, to not worth it, and sometimes back again. And that's ok.

For a lot of meds? We don't have long-term use data available. But for some, we do. And for some, just understanding how the drug works in your body helps you reach your own decision about "Am I ok with that?"

Having dealt with chronic suicidal ideation myself? That's a trump card, and makes most side-effects (long and short term) worth it if it keeps me alive. But I'm getting better at managing my SI, so I take less meds for it now than I used to, knowing that if things fall apart, they're still there for me to start on again.

One of the things my pdoc commented on when I finally made the move to come off lithium after 4 years or so, was the fact that I was worried about long term kidney damage and losing my teeth in the first place. For someone who had spent as much time acutely suicidal as I had, starting to care about how my body would be coping 8 years down the track? That was a sign of progress - being able to not just conceptualise a "long term", but care about it as well, was progress. So sincerely- kudos to you.

Have the conversation with your doc, ask for pointers about where to find credible information and then talk to them about how to read and understand that info - you may find that just knowing you understand it all is quite empowering.
 
theres a difference between addiction and reliance. Many people become reliant on meds, especially meds for depression/anxiety. People stop trying to actually resolve the issues and sit on meds which at best are masking issues. That of course isnt the case with everyone, but it is very common. addiction means your body physically craves the medication, its nothing to do with reliance - you cant function without them. That isnt very common with mental health drugs (it does happen, but not as common as say an addiction to painkillers). Yes drugs are harmful - but only compared to not taking them, and can vary depending on dosage and length of time on them. Drs know about this and its their job to measure potential dangers vs quality of life without them. If you trust your dr to accept them in the first place, then its sensible to trust that they have taken all these things into account
 
Any type of pill taken long term with mess with your liver. Then again a lot of environmental factors mess up our bodies anyhow. Sometimes the pros outweigh the cons.
 
Stop me if I'm wrong, but if meds are keeping you from killing yourself, isn't that worth the ris...
Yes - that was true initially but now I don't have that sense and I don't think meds are a forever solution.
And you are right I don't think I really understand addiction- I was interchanging being dependent and being addicted-
 
Every once in awhile, I back down my dose amounts on my meds. Not all at the same time; just one at...
Thank you for your reply. I find it frustrating in this situation. I had a very hard time even considering a med in the first place and parts of me have no idea how long. In a weird way - it feels like I am not controlling all the variables and I want too.
 
That was a sign of progress - being able to not just conceptualise a "long term", but care about it as well, was progress.
It is different for me to be forward thinking and then I started to fear what I did to get here. While it is worth it sometimes I question if I am really strong enough to handle it- but thank you
 
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