I need an objective opinion on a current situation, and I think many of you can relate, so I ask for your feedback.
As some of you know, I've just returned home after years away, with my newborn baby, and I am now close to family members who I haven't seen in years. My sister has been very helpful and is very good with my son, which is great. But she also has no understanding of what it means to have a baby and can be very very pushy, which in turn just causes me great stress.
Recently, an aunt of ours asked to meet up for dinner. She gave us only two days notice that she would be in town, and the date that she wanted to have dinner was also the date that I had an appointment with Medicaid and a doctor's appointment for my baby, and also work. Well, my sister RSVP'd for the both of us, and the next thing I know she is telling me, "We're going out to dinner with so and so at 5:30." I quickly explained that I could not make it, that I'd be at Medicaid all day, then a doctor's appointment, and then I'd have to get home and pump before starting work at 7. She was not understanding. She gave me a very hard time and made it seem as if I was just being a jerk. I emailed the aunt in question to explain the situation and never heard back. Then, the day of, my sister started messaging me demanding that I let my aunt stop by -- this at 6:30, when I am frantically pumping to finish in time for work at 7 and when the baby is freaking out and I have no time for anything. So I said no and was made to feel like a jerk. Why she RSVP'd without checking with me, I have no idea. But her doing that just made it seem like I committed to the dinner and then backed out at the last minute, which is not true.
She also gave me a hard time later and when I pointed out that she really has no idea how much stuff I have to do each day, she said my aunt "also had a baby once and was able to find time to meet up with people." Yeah, she had a baby but she didn't have to work because she had a loving husband who was the sole breadwinner. She wasn't both the sole parent and the sole breadwinner!!
Now, here is my current situation. Months ago, my sister said she found cheap airfare to go visit relatives in another state. At the time, I told her I didn't want to commit to any trip because this was when I was still living in Ukraine and I really had no idea what my circumstances would be after the big relocation. So I said just that - I really can't commit to anything that far ahead. (She booked the tickets 4 months in advance). She booked the tickets anyway and told me after the fact, saying, "Well, I booked them anyway so i guess just let me know if you can't go."
Now the trip is a week away and I've been asked to work extra hours. So I really can't go unless I want to risk my job. But she has already told all our family members in the other state that we're coming (without mentioning, of course, that I had made it clear I wasn't sure I could go). So I'm getting all these emails from people saying they can't wait to see me and the baby .... But I can't go, unless I want my relationship with my employer to greatly sour.
Am I wrong here for deciding not to go? Or is she being pushy? Every time I try to explain that being a single mother who is the sole breadwinner means I have a very narrow focus (my son and my job), she acts like it's some personality flaw of mine and i'm just being selfish. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need my life to be stress-free right now.
As some of you know, I've just returned home after years away, with my newborn baby, and I am now close to family members who I haven't seen in years. My sister has been very helpful and is very good with my son, which is great. But she also has no understanding of what it means to have a baby and can be very very pushy, which in turn just causes me great stress.
Recently, an aunt of ours asked to meet up for dinner. She gave us only two days notice that she would be in town, and the date that she wanted to have dinner was also the date that I had an appointment with Medicaid and a doctor's appointment for my baby, and also work. Well, my sister RSVP'd for the both of us, and the next thing I know she is telling me, "We're going out to dinner with so and so at 5:30." I quickly explained that I could not make it, that I'd be at Medicaid all day, then a doctor's appointment, and then I'd have to get home and pump before starting work at 7. She was not understanding. She gave me a very hard time and made it seem as if I was just being a jerk. I emailed the aunt in question to explain the situation and never heard back. Then, the day of, my sister started messaging me demanding that I let my aunt stop by -- this at 6:30, when I am frantically pumping to finish in time for work at 7 and when the baby is freaking out and I have no time for anything. So I said no and was made to feel like a jerk. Why she RSVP'd without checking with me, I have no idea. But her doing that just made it seem like I committed to the dinner and then backed out at the last minute, which is not true.
She also gave me a hard time later and when I pointed out that she really has no idea how much stuff I have to do each day, she said my aunt "also had a baby once and was able to find time to meet up with people." Yeah, she had a baby but she didn't have to work because she had a loving husband who was the sole breadwinner. She wasn't both the sole parent and the sole breadwinner!!
Now, here is my current situation. Months ago, my sister said she found cheap airfare to go visit relatives in another state. At the time, I told her I didn't want to commit to any trip because this was when I was still living in Ukraine and I really had no idea what my circumstances would be after the big relocation. So I said just that - I really can't commit to anything that far ahead. (She booked the tickets 4 months in advance). She booked the tickets anyway and told me after the fact, saying, "Well, I booked them anyway so i guess just let me know if you can't go."
Now the trip is a week away and I've been asked to work extra hours. So I really can't go unless I want to risk my job. But she has already told all our family members in the other state that we're coming (without mentioning, of course, that I had made it clear I wasn't sure I could go). So I'm getting all these emails from people saying they can't wait to see me and the baby .... But I can't go, unless I want my relationship with my employer to greatly sour.
Am I wrong here for deciding not to go? Or is she being pushy? Every time I try to explain that being a single mother who is the sole breadwinner means I have a very narrow focus (my son and my job), she acts like it's some personality flaw of mine and i'm just being selfish. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need my life to be stress-free right now.