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Am I Wrong?

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Casey_03

MyPTSD Pro
I need an objective opinion on a current situation, and I think many of you can relate, so I ask for your feedback.

As some of you know, I've just returned home after years away, with my newborn baby, and I am now close to family members who I haven't seen in years. My sister has been very helpful and is very good with my son, which is great. But she also has no understanding of what it means to have a baby and can be very very pushy, which in turn just causes me great stress.

Recently, an aunt of ours asked to meet up for dinner. She gave us only two days notice that she would be in town, and the date that she wanted to have dinner was also the date that I had an appointment with Medicaid and a doctor's appointment for my baby, and also work. Well, my sister RSVP'd for the both of us, and the next thing I know she is telling me, "We're going out to dinner with so and so at 5:30." I quickly explained that I could not make it, that I'd be at Medicaid all day, then a doctor's appointment, and then I'd have to get home and pump before starting work at 7. She was not understanding. She gave me a very hard time and made it seem as if I was just being a jerk. I emailed the aunt in question to explain the situation and never heard back. Then, the day of, my sister started messaging me demanding that I let my aunt stop by -- this at 6:30, when I am frantically pumping to finish in time for work at 7 and when the baby is freaking out and I have no time for anything. So I said no and was made to feel like a jerk. Why she RSVP'd without checking with me, I have no idea. But her doing that just made it seem like I committed to the dinner and then backed out at the last minute, which is not true.

She also gave me a hard time later and when I pointed out that she really has no idea how much stuff I have to do each day, she said my aunt "also had a baby once and was able to find time to meet up with people." Yeah, she had a baby but she didn't have to work because she had a loving husband who was the sole breadwinner. She wasn't both the sole parent and the sole breadwinner!!

Now, here is my current situation. Months ago, my sister said she found cheap airfare to go visit relatives in another state. At the time, I told her I didn't want to commit to any trip because this was when I was still living in Ukraine and I really had no idea what my circumstances would be after the big relocation. So I said just that - I really can't commit to anything that far ahead. (She booked the tickets 4 months in advance). She booked the tickets anyway and told me after the fact, saying, "Well, I booked them anyway so i guess just let me know if you can't go."

Now the trip is a week away and I've been asked to work extra hours. So I really can't go unless I want to risk my job. But she has already told all our family members in the other state that we're coming (without mentioning, of course, that I had made it clear I wasn't sure I could go). So I'm getting all these emails from people saying they can't wait to see me and the baby .... But I can't go, unless I want my relationship with my employer to greatly sour.


Am I wrong here for deciding not to go? Or is she being pushy? Every time I try to explain that being a single mother who is the sole breadwinner means I have a very narrow focus (my son and my job), she acts like it's some personality flaw of mine and i'm just being selfish. She also doesn't seem to understand why I need my life to be stress-free right now.
 
Umm... Why don't you call your body double?

Doesn't everyone have a person that happens to look like them? You know, that person who can pretend to be you for tasks requring ID, that happens to have the same job as you, that can be called last minute 24/7 and doesn't mind, that also happens to be lactating for some reason? :ninja:

Nooo... She's not pushy at all...:rolleyes:
 
She also doesn't seem to understand why I need my life to be stress-free right now.
That's probably exactly right. And I doubt you, or anyone else, can explain it to her. Your thoughts on the subject seem reasonable to me and she needs to learn to ask people before she plans their schedule for them.

As far as the family goes, if you value their opinion, you might drop them a note (email?) and say that you're sorry you're not going to be there, but your sister made the plans without checking with you and you have to work. Keep it simple, but it wouldn't hurt for people to be aware that your sister does stuff like this, so they can keep it in mind for future reference.
 
LMAO. No. You're not wrong. She reminds me of my mother. Basically good person but "This. Is. A. Boundary. Free. Zone." :banghead: And there are just sooooooo many things she doesn't get. Because it's outside of her realm of experience. And then absolute willful ignorance & stubborn "This is the way I see the world, so therefore that's how it is, and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong." Sometimes if I repeat shit often enough it sinks in. Most of the time, not so much. It's more so that other people know what's up "Mom. I work nights. I sleep in the daytime." :P <<< Yes. With that purposeful being silly about it as often as possible, in part because it's one of the better ways to manage my temper, and in part so the people listening who haven't heard me tell her 10,000 times already grok "Oh. That makes sense." (Lightbulb). Instead of "Yeesh! She was just trying to do something nice for you! Do you have to be so rude?!?" (All angry on her behalf, instead of caring why I am losing my temper). Aaaaaaaaargh. Family politics. :wtf:
 
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