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An Advocate For Myself

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Seasounds

MyPTSD Pro
Realizing that I was receiving anger of a co-worker's, after attempts of initiating dialogues to solve conflicts, I went to the manager and complained. The anger was escalating instead of resolving. Time to step aside.

Knowing that a my co-worker's anger will not change, I said, "Please do not talk to them; I do not want to continue to be a target." Instead, I will report any future anger events directly to the manager.

As a result, at work, the environment has changed. It seems as if my co-worker was spoken to; if not, they intuitively know that I have taken action. I no longer defer power, by gesture, voice tone, or rank. I act professionally, giving the same level of respect to everyone.

This positive action, triggers its own related problem in my past. If ever I would stand up for myself, in my past, I was beaten harder. So I have needed to direct my attention and intention, dialoguing with those memories, and connecting to the present, and to relating to the truth that I may have a voice, and be an advocate for myself. Another new neurological pathway, in my recovery.

The consequences, now, are different. There may be more discussions to have, but there will not be physical beatings with the insistence to assume 'no dignity, no right to live'. Instead, there seems to be a presence with me, that I have not known before; "I can have a voice.." "I can find protection." "I can be revered, when a person realizes that I let their anger be theirs, while I give myself permission to move in freedom."

Thanks, everyone for the support on this forum, that got me to where I am.
 
Realizing that I was receiving anger of a co-worker's, after attempts of initiating dialogues to solve co...
Saetva, I am thrilled to read your post. Congratulations on taking action with a situation that was scary, and frustrating. These kinds of conflicts at work and elsewhere really bring back all the old programming and fear. I've had my share of work related stuff like this which unfortunately didn't end as well as yours did. But the excellent lesson is; you took several actions to stop it from being toxic to the point of contaminating your work experience. When your own "muscle" wasn't getting results, you enlisted appropriate help. You didn't go behind anyone's back and engage on a campaign to smear, aggravate or retaliate. And for whatever reason, whether your manager did or did not "talk" to them, the result it what you needed.

I love your statement: "Another new neurological pathway, in my recovery." Exactly! Very thoughtful and impressive.
 
This is so inspiring to me. I am currently looking for a job and you boosted my confidence. Thank you for sharing. You are very brave and couragous in my opinon.
 
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