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An inability to cry.

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Hi - when I have looked into not being able to cry, it doesn't look all that positive. Seemingly, it can be a symptom of severe depression. I have only recently faced that I struggle with depression. I struggle because I think I should be able to wish it away. That hasn't worked for me yet.
 
I seriously question if I will ever be able to cry again. I keep confronting situations that should evoke so much emotion and yet I have nothing. I used to "fake" being upset just to fit in. ( if I swallowed a certain way and left my mouth open I could make my eyes water). I would carry around tissues that I had bunched up in my hand - I brought an onion slice to a funeral - all this so I could cry when I was suppose to.
Now I don't seem to care enough to "fake" my crying. I just do nothing and know people think I am strong. Recently a our maintenance crew where I work called me tough as nails and could handle anything. On one hand a compliment and on another hand if they only knew how removed I am which is why my feeling and emotion is gone. . .
 
I struggle with severe depression and anxiety and havenfor quite a few years. I've never been able to cry "normally." It's always been incredibly difficult no matter how often I want/need to. But what help me TRY to cry (mostly) is listening to song about depression, suicide, selfharm, etc. which I know sounds really bad, but that is the only thing that can actually get me at least into that pre-cry stage. Although I still rarely cry. I can't even remember when I last did it!
 
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