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Supporter An Introduction... Supporting My Husband

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daylyn33

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My husband was diagnosed with PTSD only a couple of weeks ago. We have been together for almost 10 years. He was assaulted last year, which seemed to trigger the PTSD, but looking back, I believe he has had some form of it since he was diagnosed with cancer (not fatal) about 5 years ago and then what happened to him 10 months ago just sent him further off the deep end.

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him and we weren't communicating for the longest time. After the diagnosis he blamed me for not figuring it out before he did. He also blames me for pretty much everything that happens and I can't seem to do anything right in his eyes. I have read enough literature on PTSD and have seen enough videos in the last couple of weeks to know not to take what he says personally (he's not physically abusive in any way) but it still hurts. He has just started taking meds and they do seem to help a little bit, but it seems any little thing can trigger him. I will be going to speak with a professional here shortly and he has an appointment set up for a couple of months from now for himself.

But, in the meantime, I am so happy to have found this forum so I can express my feelings, as I can't with him for obvious reasons. Today I snapped after one of his tongue lashings; I told him to stop treating me like a piece of crap and that set him off big time, he locked himself in the bedroom and still isn't talking to me, 12 hours later. He told me he is packing up his things and leaving, but I'm hoping that's just an idle threat, I have vowed to help him through this, I was just so upset and hurt that he treated me that way. I watched an excellent video today that explained that I cannot get angry with him, that I should vent to a professional instead of him. I'm hoping he calms down soon so I can explain to him that I watched that video and I know I triggered a reaction out of him and I will apologize.

It's so difficult to be in this relationship and I'm trying to learn all I can about PTSD in order to support him. I felt so defeated before his diagnosis, I was even searching for ways to kill myself (something I would never do in reality) just to get out of this life of hell I'm living with him. Now that I know what's going on I can be there for him, but holy cow, this is hard. I don't even know what his true triggers are as of yet. He doesn't know either. Fortunately he has been able to open up somewhat about his feelings, but I know he's holding back. And when he does open up, as great as it is to find out what's going on in his head, afterwards it's about how awful I am and how much I constantly hurt him. Biting my tongue is very difficult to do, as I'm a naturally defensive person.

I know I need to take care of myself in order to take care of him, and before I found this forum I felt so alone in my struggles. Thanks to you all for being here and hopefully keeping me sane, I'll try to read as much as I can here, I want to learn so I can help not only him, but myself as well.
 
Welcome to the forum! Sorry to hear that the 2 of you are going through such a difficult time. I hope you find the resources to find your paths through it.
 
Hi daylyn,

Welcome to the forum! :)

I am glad you find this site as this is a place where you can continue to learn, but most importantly to find support for yourself. I have PTSD and am currently fighting cancer, and combine the illness with the disorder and things do get tough; but under no circumstances am I justified in blaming or attacking my spouse, family or friends. They are not the cause nor the reason.

I would strongly suggest that you get some help for yourself, as dealing with a mental disorder can take its toll even on the strongest person. Even though I didn't attack my own family, my withdrawal, suicidal thoughts, lack of eating, etc. took a lot of them as they were worried, scared, angry, etc. You need to be a strong and as stable as possible to really be a support to your husband.

Remember, that being a supporter does not mean that you become an emotional punching bag. There have to be boundaries and these need to be respected by both individuals. He is not to cross them and you need to make them stable. If at all possible your husband should see a trauma specialist. There are a lot of tools to help manage symptoms and regular exercise is a great way to release some of the anxiety that accompanies this disorder.

I hope you find this site helpful.

Debbie
 
Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone. What a great forum this is! I have read so much already and still soaking it all in, since my husband's diagnosis is so new.

~Lynda
 
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