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Anger

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Shorty

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I've Thought there wouldn't be a forum like this and i thought i was just me that suffers with this until now.

The past week has been every hard for me, The doctors changed my meds so many times i haven't slept for days and this anger appears from no where, It feels like there's someone else inside me trying to take over me. I have been fighting this since for 13yrs now by myself. I'm now 25 I cant do it.

When my mum got divorced to my dad cause he would hurt me so much i begged my mum not to go to work one day, ever since That day i blame myself for them splitting up.

1 year later i was put into care and spoke to mum twice a year, the anger has been with me since the day i went to care, i hated everyone and anything. 6 years ago i let this anger go relating to me going to prison for 9 months, Cause i wanted to hurt people to block my pain. After the worse 9 months of my life i was getting all upset and crying everywhere, Guilt of what i done to people.

Now the Anger has came Back out in me and sometimes i just feel worthless cause i know its there and it makes me so upset :(

this anger is trying to get out of me really bad and i fighting him so hard, i have had 16 hrs sleep in a week, i hope theres someone on here that goes though what i do because its driving me insane.
 
Can you put that anger into some kind of work out or sport? That's what I do. You need to find a safe way to release the emotional energy without hurting you or anyone else.

It would be great if you could get in therapy. I prefer Somatic so I can discharge the trauma energy.
 
Children have zero control over adults. Unless they're armed. But I digress.

My son begged me to divorce his dad for years. I didn't, because of what my son didn't know... We only had to deal with his dad a few hours a week as long as I stayed married... And I felt secure enough to be able to stop him and toss him out whenever he decided to aim his temper out direction. (And I did! for years). But if we got divorced? He'd have to be with his dad 50% of the time without me there to protect him.

I was eventually forced into divorcing his father, after he fractured my skull & tried to kill me. All of the other choices available were worse.

And now kiddo is stuck 50% of the time with a psychopath. Which was what I was trying to avoid the whole damn time.

And who does kiddo blame?
Me for not leaving sooner or leaving at all or failing to protect us?
His dad for being a violent prick?
Nope. He blames himself.

Gah. Not. Your. Fault.
Not for being born, not for wanting something, not for wanting something that went badly because you were too young to know what would happen, not for it happening, not for the results of it happening.

I swear, what makes me believe in a God, is children's assumption of god-like powers over the world. That they are both omniscient & omnipotent, and anything bad that happens is "clearly" their fault in their own minds.

____

As far as temper goes, yah. Got it. Always had it. Redirecting and controlling it ever isn't fun at all, or is my definition of fun (being extremely active).
 
Hey Shorty,
I have been having a surge of anger the past few weeks that almost got me killed yesterday.

I live in a violent city full of angry hotheads; I don't think I'm allowed to say where but it's a big city in CA where riots happen and people are murdered daily. Well, some guy almost hit my car in a Walgreens parking lot (in the ghetto) and my first reaction without even thinking was to honk and flip the bird (middle finger, you sound British and not sure if you guys say that).
The guy parked and came after me. I am ok to make a long story short, but this behavior will get me killed if I'm not careful.

I have struggled with anger for years and was beaten as a child. I watched violence all my life. I had violence done to me. The important thing to know about anger is we have used it as our protection, but it is really a mask over extreme fear and sadness. We have had to learn to SURVIVE, and anger is a perceived strength when really it weakens and kills our heart.

I want you to know my heart goes out to you and you are NOT a bad person. If you are looking into therapy, trust your gut and always ask to talk on the phone first. Go with someone who you like, feel it in your gut. Don't be discouraged if the first person isn't working.. KEEP TRYING! It's so hard to look for help. Even the act of it feels hopeless, but you WILL find it.

And in the meantime, this is a good place to reach out and connect with people
 
Agree with franciemarnie . Anger is pretty common with PTSD. I demolished half of my rental apartment last year and I got thrown out. So I was forced to control it (either control it, or live on the street, right?). If you try to fight the anger, it will bite you in the ass.

To quote Johnny Depp: "anger does not pay the rent".

So throw it out. But in a way that is healthy, in an intense way, in a heartfelt way, so that at the end of your tirade and your rage, you'll break down in tears. The best day to deal with anger is to express it in such a way that it breaks at some point. But I'm not entirely sure how to exactly do that: just try different things. Solutions differ depending on the person.

I'm now 25 I cant do it.

Ha shorty, that's where you are wrong. I also thought I can't do it, and actually last year was one of the years where I most thought that (more than ten years after the abuse!). Emotions are an intense thing. They throw you on your back. They kick you when you're not looking. But you can learn to master them in the long run.

Let us know how it goes!
 
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