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Anniversary of the Accident - Angry Day

Discussion in 'General' started by pookiespooka, Sep 13, 2006.

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  1. pookiespooka

    pookiespooka Member

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    September 13,2006

    Today is the one-year anniversary of my auto accident. I don’t feel the way I expected to. I thought i'd be sad or crying all of the time instead I'm angry. I thought I was fine until I yelled at my husband last night about the outcome of an American reality television show. It seems that a man that played with a woman’s emotions won the big money. It seemed unfair to me that a man as deplorable as that would be rewarded for his misdeeds.

    My husband observant man that he is, called me on my behavior and insisted that I am not angry at a stupid television show but at the people who ran into me on the day of my accident. I thought about it and perhaps he’s right. The people who ran into me with a their sports car received no permanent injuries, a new car from my insurance company; plus the police took their word that they weren’t speeding the day they hit me and put the blame on me. No tests were done on my totaled car to show weather or not they were in fact speeding but there were some road tests. Unfortunately you can’t prove it by me that these people weren’t speeding. I know this is extremely illogical but I feel like the people who hit me were given a free pass because of their prominent name and money.

    I read the police reports about the accident and had to stop reading after a few pages because of how angry I was feeling. They had the nerve to tell the police officer they didn’t think I was looking. If that was true why did I let other traffic before them through? They took pictures of my wrecked car while I was being loaded into an air ambulance, how insensitive can these people be? They didn’t even bother to check to see if I was ok.

    I feel like it was unfair that these people got a replacement car and we are barely getting by on the ancient car we have. They didn’t have to go through months of painful physical therapy or have ugly scars.

    The worst thing is, that I was not raised to feel this way about people with money and position. My family always taught me that money and name have nothing to do with fairness and the law. Just because someone is rich already doesn’t mean that they’re not entitled to a replacement car if the fault was with the other driver. I feel guilty being angry with them but then in my mind I see these selfish people who’ve gone on with their lives without a second thought as to what they did to me; that I have to bear the burden of this the rest of my life.

    I feel guilty too for hating that I have a long ugly scar on my upper right arm. I mentioned my scar once at the rehab center and the occupational therapist reminded me that it was better than loosing my arm. She was right, it is, but I still hate how my arm looks and it still hurts every day. I will say though it’s livable but still I want my old arm back, I want my life back where it was.

    I hate that I still have visible scars on my neck from a tracheotomy and an IV. I hate that my face has really aged this year. It doesn’t seem fair that these people got away with hitting me and leaving this mess and to top it off, the law blames me for it.

    Sometimes I feel like God gives all the good stuff to his favorite people and leaves others with the leftovers. My husband has been looking for a job for the past five months since he had to leave an insurance company with a tyrannical boss. This man believed that just because I was having major surgery didn’t mean that my DH couldn’t sell insurance while I’m being operated on. Hell I’d be asleep anyway! This was a Christian company. His boss knew we were having trouble with money because of the accident and would dig at my husband about our lack of money and how much he had. The man is another example of someone with God’s favor.

    This man was mistreating my husband and I felt like God didn’t care. Just like God didn’t care that the people who hit me were given a free pass from legal trouble. I feel like there is no justice with God. If there was, he wouldn’t have let that this stuff happen. I know I sound whiney and childish today, I hope I didn’t offend anyone.

    I thought that if I wrote about it, maybe I could give my DH a rest. I think I’ll sign off for now I’m going to try to calm down before we go the Meijer’s to spend the gift card my brother and sister-in-law gave me for my birthday. Maybe that will make me feel better.
     
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  3. kimG

    kimG Well-Known Member

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    Pookie, don't apologize for feeling the way you do...be glad you can get it out!

    I would feel the exact same way as you if I were in your shoes. To me, it's the fairness thing, something I (guess I) have to work on. It sucks seeing someone who hurt you get out of it better than they were before - I feel that way about my ex-husband, but I won't even get into that because it has nothing to do with PTSD.

    As far as being a Christian and in "God's favor", it is easy when we think our prayers aren't being answered to think this way. But remember, just because someone calls themself a Christian doesn't mean they truly are one. If you believe in God and are a Christian, then you know we all will be judged one day. Sometimes I feel sorry for those people who proclaim to be a Christian but then go around acting as if they are better than everyone else because they will be judged harsher than someone who is humble. And no, they really aren't in "God' favor"; if anything he is frowning upon them when they act that way.

    Hang in there, Pookie. Better days are ahead!
     
  4. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Pookie,

    Glad you got that off your chest. It sure seems sometimes that the man upstairs is dishing some pretty decent crap our way. I just keep reminding myself that there is more than this and that those people will get what they deserve........eventually. Whichever religion you believe in or even if you don't, the world has a funny way of giving it right back to those selfish others. We just don't always get to witness it.
     
  5. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Pookie, just keep getting it all off your chest. One thing I must highlight though, please use the little AA button in the top left of the editors to remove all the text formatting before you post, when you have copied the content from another text editor. Makes my job easier. Highlight the text once pasted in here, then click that AA in the top left which removes all text formatting, and then your post won't come out with all the [font] tags and the like.

    Next thing.... GOD. People too often look at God for someone to blame, or believe that God has control over what does, and does not happen within a persons life. What I understand about God, and this has validity within the catholic society, is that God is not about working for you or against you, God is a presence only, and you choose to accept that presence or you don't. God cannot fix or harm what happens in YOUR life, Gods presence only affects the decisions we make, not the decisions we don't. Take note of that, because the decisions we don't make, are those that others do when they choose to attack, kill or persecute another. Those people make a decision, a decision that is not condoned by God, and unfortunately, someone must always be on the end of that decision, or is affected in some way from it. We all suffer that, every human being, animal, plant, etc. We cannot blame God, we cannot ask God for specific favours, all we can ask is that God continues his presence and that we choose to believe within that or not. God has provided the tools, people choose whether to use them or not.

    I say this here because too often people blame God, instead of looking at the cause, where blame should be pointed. God provided the tools, we unfortunately were on the wrong end of lifes decisions, decisions people made and must live with the consequences of their actions, not us living with the consequence of our actions. On the unfortunate side though, there is always suffering, grief or pain, though that can be managed through effective healing if you choose to use it. Another tool that God has made available, we just choose whether to use it or not.

    Oh... I am not christian either... nor a church person... does that shock you?
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Oh Pookie... just to add, I think you and your husband already have your heads screwed on the right way, and with logical effective thinking as you do, healing is pretty much ensured.
     
  7. pookiespooka

    pookiespooka Member

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    No it doesn't shock me, God can pretty much speak through whoever he chooses. Right now, I feel that church people or Catholic family members could really fathom what my dh and I are going through. Thanks for the replys, it helps to know other do know how I feel even if my community and family don't.
     
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