JEKBreatheandBelieve
MyPTSD Pro
Three years ago today, is the day when my life really began to unravel, only I had no idea for another year after that. My husband, brother, and I were in a serious car accident, which we all survived though the men were physically injured. My husband and I were parents of a 3 and a half year old and a 7 month old. I suddenly became the sole care-giver in the house. There are many things that went wrong during the next four months and many things that I struggled with. I did not understand that the wall of protection (from abuse throughout childhood and knowledge of DID) had broken. So I floundered a lot.
Last night my family went out for ice cream as a special treat. I had completely forgotten that it would be dark on the ride home. Internally, I freaked out. I didn't want to be in that car any more. And my mind went forward to today and I realized I didn't want anyone to drive today. Yet, I safely buckled my kids in the car, kissed them and my husband good-bye, and wished them positive days as they drove off for school.
I hate seeing the leaves on the trees change. I hate dark nights. I hate apple picking. I hate when my younger son coughs or cries. I hate the first snow. I hate when my older son is loud or demanding. All of those things are things I hate as a result of the car accident.
But the car accident is something we survived. And just because 3 years ago it changed my life so negatively, it doesn't mean that it has to continue to do so every year. Two years ago my therapist took me to the spot and I threw a rock as hard as I could and said loudly- I am taking back my life. I may not go to the spot today or throw a rock, but I think I will scream that I am taking my life back and perhaps I will make a list of ways I already have started to and things I am planning to do to keep doing so. That's my goal because I used to love the beauty of fall and I want to take that back.
Last night my family went out for ice cream as a special treat. I had completely forgotten that it would be dark on the ride home. Internally, I freaked out. I didn't want to be in that car any more. And my mind went forward to today and I realized I didn't want anyone to drive today. Yet, I safely buckled my kids in the car, kissed them and my husband good-bye, and wished them positive days as they drove off for school.
I hate seeing the leaves on the trees change. I hate dark nights. I hate apple picking. I hate when my younger son coughs or cries. I hate the first snow. I hate when my older son is loud or demanding. All of those things are things I hate as a result of the car accident.
But the car accident is something we survived. And just because 3 years ago it changed my life so negatively, it doesn't mean that it has to continue to do so every year. Two years ago my therapist took me to the spot and I threw a rock as hard as I could and said loudly- I am taking back my life. I may not go to the spot today or throw a rock, but I think I will scream that I am taking my life back and perhaps I will make a list of ways I already have started to and things I am planning to do to keep doing so. That's my goal because I used to love the beauty of fall and I want to take that back.