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Relationship Another Day... *sigh*

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Lem

Learning
Up and down and angry and everything's my fault and he needs space but won't take it then flips out on me and all this is apparently just our breakup and no PTSD or depression.

He just got in the truck. Asked him where he's off to, he doesn't know.

OK. Totally absolutely my fault. Told him a nail had come through the sofa and apparently I act like its the end if the world and I need to let stuff go.

I love him so much but I haven't slept in days and I've had a migraine for 3 days now. How long can he keep living like this? He pawned stuff yesterday so we had 100 for the next two weeks then wanted to order dominos. My life is a mess. I don't know how to cope.

My gut instinct tells me we haven't really broken up. I almost feel like he's trying to train me... My friend pointed out it seems more like he wants control than a breakup.

I have that nagging feeling again that a storm is coming... :/
 
Sleep.

Ideally... Eat something, take a shower, and sleep.

There's an acronym: HALT, that's good to remember. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Any of those 4? Ain't gonna be thinking clearly. Sort those before trying to do anything rational. Saves a helluva lot of f*cking up your life. And save 'lonely' for last, after having eaten & slept. Sometimes I think a lot of lonely comes from only having one brain cell left, when the rest are all sleep deprived and starvin. ;)

HALT
&
Never reply when you are angry.
Never make a promise when you are happy.
Never make a desision when you are sad.

Have both saved me a lot of grief.
 
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All I can tell you @Lem is that you need to take care of you. Don't let him financially, emotionally, or physically control you... especially if he is running with uncontrolled PTSD. He can't even control himself, much less you.

I think the one thing that helps me a lot is that I know I can handle all the externals of life without my sufferer. A lot of this probably comes from being a single mom for so long, or being a little older and having learned this lesson the hard way when I was young. When I was divorced, I had been a stay at home mom with no income of my own. My ex-husband controlled everything, and I found myself unceremoniously tossed out of my house with 2 small kids and no money 900 miles from any family. After that I vowed to never let another person have that much control over my life again. Love is not control or power... it's working as a team to make life wonderful for the whole family.

Now, I am financially independent, I take care of the running of my household and his a lot of the time. I can fix stuff on my own, and if I can't I'll call somebody who will if my vet can't or won't handle it. When he is in a dark spot, things still run like clockwork because I'm running them. That helps the stress-load immensely, for me as well as him. I don't tell him what to do, but he knows if he needs me, I'm there. Plus, if something would happen to our relationship, while I would be devastated emotionally, I would be alright otherwise.
 
I tried that... He got peed that I was treating him like a baby and controlling his life... I might point out he spent every penny he owns in for days and hasn't done a thing since we broke up.. But If I do stuff he gets mad... Then gets mad if I don't. Today he was angry again. Wouldn't even give me a kiss. At the end of the day he said he just needed space... Slept four hours again.. How long can we live in this suffocating limbo?

He thinks this is him giving me a chance... Letting me sleep in bed on my own and putting the things he didn't break back up. Even his son is trying not to cru because he is so nasty right now...

I want my sweetheart back. I don't know this selfish horrible man...
 
But If I do stuff he gets mad... Then gets mad if I don't.

If he's going to be mad either way, may as well go ahead and take care of business for yourself, his son, and the household. At least if he is yelling at you, everything will be taken care of. It's better than everything being a mess and him yelling at you on top of it.

The "you're treating me like a child" thing is a very common thing supporters hear. It's a fine line to walk, and supporters have to learn to support and care-take while NOT actually treating their sufferers like children or babying/smothering/controlling them. While they are feeling better and functional, it is one thing... but when they are consumed by their PTSD, and you have a life together with them, YOU HAVE to take over sometimes. Bills need paid, kids need fed, things need fixed. Life doesn't care if people are sick or incapacitated, it still goes on. Don't let him make you feel guilty or bad for being responsible when he cannot.

You are strong woman @Lem. You can get through this.
 
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