• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Anxiety From Fiance's Ptsd. How To Deal?

Status
Not open for further replies.

Brandy0175

New Here
I'm engaged to a medically retired Army Ranger. We are getting married on September 17th. He has severe ptsd, as well as a back injury and tbi. Over the past year he has steadily declined. Winter was terrible. He was in a wheelchair. Summer got better. Actually went pretty well compared to winter. We've been trying to find a doctor to help his with his back. He has a failed fusion and nerve compression in his spine. It's been hard to get help.
Over a week ago he had a nightmare and vaulted straight up in bed. Ever since his back and pelvis have started to really hurt again. Severely. When he hurts, he gets scary. He's depressed, very dark. Snappy and irritable. I've had two brain surgeries, and am no stranger to chronic pain. But he is a Ranger. He gets scary.
I am in a constant state of anxiety now. Terrified of going through what we did last winter. It is so hard on everyone. I have two kids. It's hard.
When he has his pain under control, he is the best. He treats us all so well.
And it's not like he yells at us or hits us. He gets sarcastic and cana tease kind of mean, but he is always good to us. I don't know how to explain why I feel so afraid. I'm dealing with this by myself. I have no one to talk to. He is very private and so I don't talk to my family about it much. The stress is getting to me. I don't know how much of my anxiety is just stress and how much is his ptsd and injury and depression. I love him very much. I know he loves me and the kids. I want to help him. I just don't know how anymore. I need someone to talk to. I need help. I can't get him to go to the doctor. He just wants to be left alone. It's very hard when he's like this. Does anyone relate?
 
Hi Brandy,
I do relate to your situation and it can be tough and difficult. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and he is also a retired Army Ranger. At first things were great then they went down hill within this past year and fast. He has both PTSD and TBI. I can handle the getting up at night with nightmares and also the flashbacks and helping with forgetfulness.

The thing that I stuggle with is his anger. I also have two children and he has three and he treats us good and wants the best for us but sometimes he gets irritable and says sarcastic comments. Some days I just feel like I can't do anything right. At first we were going to get married and all we talked about was marriage and then we moved in together and now I feel I annoy him more than I am in a relationship with him and it hurts. You are not alone. I am going to be starting counceling this Wednesday to see what I can do to help the situation. My Ranger has also refused to go get help. It is hard.
 
I'm so glad you found this forum. I joined not too long ago, and it helps so much to have other people that understand. It's hard to be with someone who has PTSD and compounded by other problems. So you have a double whammy to deal with.

That's too bad that he has chronic pain and that the pain so affects his mood. It can get difficult because you can't really tell when he is going to get irritable and difficult. It's good that you don't blame yourself for his dark moods.

It sounds like you have helped him alot. It's nice that you love each other so much. That can go a long way.

I hope that you will feel better knowing that others understand what you are going through.
 
Oh my God, I cannot tell you what it did for me to read these two responses. After I wrote earlier, I sat looking at my post, waiting for someone to respond. No one did. I got so down. I. Put it away and did some cleaning. I just checked back and read these and its all I can do not to cry. I've been trying so hard to get through this, to help Chris, to learn about and understand ptsd on my own. I've been so scared. Thank you so much for writing. It is so lonely when no one you know understands what you are dealing with. You have no one to talk to. I want to get help. I'm trying to find out if I can get help locally. Through support groups or something. He has said he will go to couples therapy with me. He will not go to ptsd therapy. He tried that and they pushed too hard too soon. I think he needs to learn to cope with his ptsd before he learns to confront and deal with the trauma.
But thank you so very much. Please, don't be strangers. For the first time I don't feel so alone.
 
Brandy I feel so alone too. No one here understands what PTSD is and it isn't like I am going to broadcast it. I really just keep to myself about it and anything that is going on in my relationship. There has been a few instances where things like his anger have happened infront of my friends and I had to explain it to them a little bit because my man is not a bad guy he just has an illness and sometimes he tries to mask it's effects with alcohol. I was also drinking a lot too because I have felt bad about myself and down and like I can't do anything right. We had to come to an agreement on how many times a week he could go out because it was getting that bad. I don't go to the bar by myself but I would drink with him and I was just enabling him by doing that. I feel like I am crazy sometimes. We live in a little town and it is not by any military base or anthing so there aren't many women that are experincing things that I am. My boyfriend has problems with is knees pretty bad and I know when they are hurting he is not in the best of moods either.

I hope that you will find a Dr. for him to go to to get the help for his back and maybe that will help with the other too. I wonder if he is getting stressed like any person would about the wedding and just nervous it will all play out okay. And maybe there is an anniversay of one of his army buddies gettting killed that could be a trigger for his PTSD symptoms. I know that my boyfriend gets a little more on edge then. Well I have to run. Hope talk to you again soon. :)
 
I feel for you. And for your man. It's hard, but you can't give up on them. They've been through so much. I feel a lot better having "talked" with someone who understands. Thank you so much. Good luck to you both. I hope you find the help you need.
 
Brandi and Jodi -

That's the worst part isn't it? Feeling really alone because no one understands, so you can't "talk" about it. You can't tell friends or family the extent of it because you will get questioned, and critiqued, and critizied by people who do care, but just can't empathize. You'll find the opposite here. Always write whatever you feel or experience on here - the good and the bad. You won't believe how much better you feel, the support you'll get from others in your boat, or fully realize how it will help others as they join this site. The your contribution will be huge because others will identify and feel the sense of relief that you did. You girls found each other so quickly too which is great! :)

-A
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top