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Other Anyone Else Have Ptsd From Witnessing/stopping A Suicide Attempt? Or After Infidelity?

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LisaBlanca

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It's so hard to tease it all apart. How do I support my husband to wellness after Major Depressive dx and after I stopped him from killing himself, after he disclosed that he had been seeing prostitutes? What are the major "players" that I need to work on first? My EMDR therapist wants to start with family of origin, and I 'get' her approach, yet I am having flashbacks now of "the scene". She is going to help me with that next session. I won't even get into his car, b/c that's where he attempted.

I think we both have PTSD, frankly, even though his primary dx = acute major depressive disorder. Can two married people, both with trauma, heal while together? I wonder? I was going to leave him, but chose not to, mostly b/c I couldn't deal with all of this and a divorce at the same time. (oh, during an out-of-state move too.)

Anyone else w/ PTSD have a partner with PTSD/mental illness/infidelity? I feel like no one else can 'really' get me. It was prostitutes, btw. We went through a scare re: HIV. Negative. We are both professionals, but since this happened, neither one of us has been able to work.

My entire world crashed around me. I'm sure I am not the only one to feel that way. I'm a smart, perceptive woman, but he had me fooled. Or maybe not? Maybe I stuck my head in the sand, unconsciously?
 
How do I support my husband to wellness after Major Depressive dx and after I stopped him from killing himself, after he disclosed that he had been seeing prostitutes? What are the major "players" that I need to work on first?
I would say, processing the specific trauma event, first. So, your EMDR therapist will work with you on that next, you said - that sounds right.
If this is a one-time isolated trauma, and you don't have anything trauma based in your personal history, you'll want to move on to sorting out your current life stressors - including your husband's illness, and how it relates to your relationship.

The infidelity isn't anything to do with your PTSD - it's going to be a relationship thing. But for the time being, compartmentalize it over to 'decide whether or not I can accept this and move on from it, after I eliminate my PTSD symptoms'.

Family of origin work is likely going to relate to how you manage your relationship with your husband; your therapist should have an opinion about that.

And how do you support him? Right now, I think you need to support yourself. Is he still in the hospital?
 
Hi Lisa,
I'm sorry this happened to you and wish you healing. Welcome.

It might be worthwhile getting a diagnoses from a psychiatrist just to be sure what is happening to you. Its most relevant when it comes to what will work treatment wise. Not so much about what is worse or not as severe and rather about what will help what best. Its also worth knowing that a non ptsd stressor can set off PTSD from previous or other simultaneous trauma. Often if that happens it can feel like a compulsive topic ones mind goes to. The betrayal is likely to be a stressor but could be feeding extra stress into the trauma of the suicide attempt or other past trauma. Betrayal can be life altering and changing. It obviously has been for you both. Betrayal wouldn't be a cause of PTSD,

If your husband is having repeated often flashbacks/vivid intrusions of the attempt or other past trauma and has the other symptoms such as hypervigilance etc most the week then he may well have PTSD and should go for an official evaluation too.
 
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joeylittle - my EMDR therapist feels there's a lot in my family history relating to trauma, so she wants to go back to those events, but understands that I need help now with the flashbacks of the scene.

I have been researching sex addiction and the affect on wives and it's considered trauma as well by many therapists. The disclosure and reeling from that and the lies --- it's an overwhelming shock. I found a possible option to get some help for that at the same time I do EMDR therapy. I am having flashbacks of "seeing him" with whores. And "seeing him" do all the planning - 3 secret cell phones, internet research on the women, etc. He was heavily into porn for years.

My husband's psychologist felt that his "maladaptive behavior" in coping with stress (porn, whores) was at least partly related to his traumatic job in an ER. Hence - I (and his doctor) feel he has PTSD also. Both of us are dealing with this. Frankly, I'm tired. I have been setting myself and my needs aside for months b/c of his hospitalizations, worry that he may attempt again (hypervigilence), etc. He is out of the hospital now and not allowed to practice in his field b/c of his diagnosis. Eventually he may be able to practice again. Not sure.

I agree that I need to focus on ME. He is rather selfish and doesn't 'get' that I need to take care of ME. Many therapists who are "with it" regarding treatment of wives w/ sex addict husbands utilize the trauma model. These women had their entire world ripped out from underneath them and some therapists actually blame the women. I don't buy that. They choose their behavior and actions. It's traumatizing for a partner who realized she lived a lie.

Abstract - I do have a psychiatrist and I definitely have PTSD, anxiety, and??? I feel like a horse kicked me in the gut. Yes, my mind is compulsively obsessing about the whores as well. Yesterday, I looked at a knife while cutting watermelon and flashed back to my husband cutting his body apart. And I worry about if my husband can deal with my own recovery (yes - I am going to be sad, angry, stressed, etc at times as I process and re-process this stuff). I worry it will push him over the edge to suicide again, but I know I need to focus on ME and my recovery. My husband's psychiatrist feels he has PTSD as well, and he's had at least 4 formal psychiatric evaluations b/c of his hospital admissions and out-patient doctor. So --- both of us have it. It's pretty common for a person who deals with life, death and trauma on a daily basis as he did with his profession - very common for 1st responders. This is a new animal for me, though.

Needless to say, I have so many things going on and they are playing off one another in my head, my body and my emotions.

Thanks for your feedback. I am open to learning form others here and certainly am willing to help/encourage anyone else going through this journey.
 
Hi again, :)

One of the important things about differentiating which is the trauma relating to the PTSD is that that will be the fundamental issue that will improve the ptsd symptoms if dealt with. Sometimes the other stuff can cloud the issue. It doesn't mean the other isn't important and doesn't need to be dealt with. It would be very important in your situation where you are trying to deal with this relationship and find a way to trust another person after. And the horrific complexities of dealing with your husband whilst looking after yourself. If you are stable enough to face it I would deal with the trauma first, The suicide attempt that you are seeing. in flashbacks/intrusions. A flashback or PTSD intrusion is about something that fits criteria A that has happened that you have witnessed or experienced. Other intrusive thoughts can be a way of the brain playing through our fears and hurts. Especially when intense emotional states are involved. These wouldn't be flashbacks. It might seem pedantic to differentiate but I think it's important as calling them that will give them extra power over you. I have similar experiences with other stuff and am sure to do that.

If your husband had ptsd prior to the attempt then his acting out behaviour could be a personal way of attempting to escape the symptoms as you rightly said. It is very possible to have ptsd from being in his type of profession. Some won't and may act out to deal with the stress of the situation and some will just as happens in most situations where people are exposed to clinical trauma.

You very understandably sound overwhelmed with the many things swamping you, You will find your way through this little by little. One step at a time will do it. Possibly have a read of the articles on the site as they can be helpful,
 
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Abstract - Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I agree with what you said and you laid it out so well. I feel the "big trigger" was me witnessing the suicide attempt. He was 2 minutes from truly dying, according to the 1st responders on the scene (they said it was the worst one they have ever seen). Husband has told me he was determined to die that day. His blank zombie-like face and the blood/cutting and witnessing a person I love do that to himself (married 23 years) was horrific. It will probably take multiple EMDR sessions to just deal w/ those pictures/videos in my head, but my therapist is going to start next week on this b/c it's impacting me greatly now. She has taken a thorough history and wants to do EMDR on some childhood traumas too. I agree with her.

Other intrusive thoughts can be a way of the brain playing through our fears and hurts. Especially when intense emotional states are involved. These wouldn't be flashbacks. It might seem pedantic to differentiate but I think it's important as calling them that will give them extra power over you. I have similar experiences with other stuff and am sure to do that.
Yes - this makes a lot of sense and thank you for helping me process that piece - thinking it through.

Yes, I am overwhelmed. Thank you for reminding me about baby steps. I did some reading on the site yesterday and will do more. If there are any particular articles you recommend, please let me know. It takes a while to learn where everything is and navigate it all on this site, but I am glad I found this place and all the resources here, along with people who "get it".
 
Hi LisaBlanca!

Although this post is a little old I have just found it searching the web for anyone who might have experienced something similar!
I am so so sorry! I hope you are better now?
If you could (if you have the energy, time, health) I would really really like to hear how you have dealt with all these issues... I really feel like noone understands, reading your post gave me some calmness.

Half a year ago my boyfriend attempted suicide, I was looking for him like crazy, half an hour driving around the town alone, then when his family and the police arrived walking (running actually) through the forrest. When I found him he was all covered with blood, unconcious and freezing. Later on the doctor said he might have had 5 minutes more, maximum 10. It was such a miracle finding him on time.
I was so shocked and felt like i had missed all the warning signs. He loved me so much and always told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, that he would do anything for me and that he would never ever leave me and was the most caring person in the whole world, beyond healthy i know now.
After the suicide attempt he firt got better of his depression but then he began to fall deeper and deeper in depression couldnt distinguish well between reallity and nightmares anymore he changed so much it was like meeting another person. Before it we always talked about problems that ocurred but then I was shocked and couldnt really realize and deal with all that was happening. He broke up because he was exhausted and couldnt invest any energy in the relationship, although I told him so often that he didnt need to and that I was fine with visiting him at the hospital because I loved him but he just wanted to be alone. I tried to reach out to him some more times but without result. I gave up because I had no more strength.
After some more time I was told he had a new girlfriend and even moved to her house. Never in my life I had felt so betrayed and so much anger.
Then I was hit in an accident, had a fracture and braincomotion (not sure if its the right word) things kept going worse, i then was at the hospital myself could hardly move for weeks and had no chance to distract myself anyhow. Once again I struggled hard to finally get my life back but Months later i had to do an mrt at the same hospital we had been in emergency first.
This broght back so many memories, it was like reliving the situation, waiting for the doctors to tell us anything. Since then I have stronger symptoms than ever before, a higher heartrate, very anxious, shaking, unable to concentrate, flashbacks, anger, sadness, desperation, worry, afraid someone I love could die, regretting having abandoned my boyfriend, having the sensation that he is in severe danger, difficulty to connect with others, very uncomfortable leaving the house, especially going to places I might meet people I know and might have to interact with I feel paralyzed and unable to do things most of the time, now waiting to enter a recovery clinic that treats trauma. I am constantly thinking about what happened and cant remember much, and I am confused because so many things about it seem to make no sense... I'm so sick and tired and I want my life back :(

Sorry i didnt mean to write so much, its just when I start telling I simply lose myself completely in it...
I would like to know how your experiences were and how you are doing now??
I really hope you are getting better!

Sorry if my english is a little strange, I hardly ever communicate in english, hope you understand :-)
 
@Lorescate I recommend you starting your own thread. This is an older post and your experience deserves to be the main focus of the thread. Don't worry about your English, your better at it than i am and I am a native speaker. There is no such thing as strange English. We have about 50 variations of it in the U.S. alone.
braincomotion
The only thing not spot on perfect English. The correct word is brain concussion.
 
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