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General Apology

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Harley Quinn

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I wanted to apologize to @Solara @shimmerz @Sweetpea76 for my bad reactions to your advices. I educated myself about PTSD and I learnt a bit about how to be a good supporter. I now understand what you were trying to tell me. @Solara , yes we are codependent and we need to learn how to live as separate beings, with separate thoughts, opinions and feelings, but I think I'm just a really empathic person and I always try to understand what other feels.

@shimmerz , I know that I shouldn't dive in anxiety with him, and don't worry I'll handle that by learning more about PTSD , that doesn't mean I'm giving up on you @otakujome , I'm just learning how to be a better supporter, even if we are codependent or such.

@Sweetpea76 I can't fix him. I can't cure him, thanks for your advices , it's his responsibility to be happy and to help himself , and I will not harm myself by trying to help. I'll support him.
 
I think I'm just a really empathic person and I always try to understand what other feels
There is a difference between being empathic and being empathetic. It's a difference lots of people get confused about. An empath actually feels what other people are feeling as if it were happening to them. There are good things about this; for instance they can make good medical intuitives, but the problem is that they burn out quickly being around people in a lot of pain, whether physical or emotional, and eventually have to be very careful who they spend time with or it damages their health. I used to have a close friend who was like this. Used to, because he eventually gave up on me because he could feel my problems so intensely that they were harmful to him, so he cut me out of his life entirely, which was a huge blow.

Someone who is empathetic on the other hand, as you say tries to understand what others feel, and cares, but is clear on the boundaries between them and the other person. They care deeply about what is happening to others, without actually feeling as if it were happening to them. It's a crucial difference because it means they can be around others who are having intense feelings without taking them on, which in turn means they can be supportive over the long term. In the end, this is much more supportive. If you can learn to be like this, caring without actually taking on another person's feelings as your own, you will be able to take care of yourself at the same time and have the strength to keep being there. It's more loving, not less.
 
^^ What she said.

((Adding a 'I'd be personally worried if you're an empath just for your age, much more considered you're in a relationship with someone with a complex and incurable disorder, in ongoing abuse situations, and from different cultural backgrounds. That *alone* is a strain emotionally, each on their own. Combination being possibley implosive. You're both young and you both need to learn how to do self care first, and responsibly. Relationships are all awesome, but codependence can get rather toxic rather fast. Especially if heightened empathy's included on any angle.))
 
Yup. I agree. I just want to put a note in here to @otakujome, because I know you will read this, to reassure you that none of this is about abandoning you or blaming you. We're just offering information and tools that hopefully will make it easier for your relationship to last in the long term, if that is what you both want. Maybe you're not worried, but I probably would be at this point, so this is me waving at you and saying "relax, it's okay."
 
@Harley Quinn, nobody is born knowing how to be a supporter. We all have to learn by researching and seeking advice. Sometimes the advice we get isn't what we want to hear, and it sounds harsh. It's nobody's intention to be harsh here. We just try to comfort and help each other as much as possible, even if it means telling people things they don't want to hear.
 
@Harley Quinn, equivalent for empathique is empaTHEtic, the 'I don't feel it like you but I feel with you and for you' variant, basically. English is confusing, I'm aware in French you could well shrug it under empathique eventually just go with sympa and not worry about it, meaning of 'feeling for you' covered. :D
 
I had never looked it up and was basing the explanation on observation. Looking it up, I see in effect you are right, they are said to mean the same. However, I still contend that they are used differently. Looking some more, there was an episode on Star Trek about empaths who feel everything anyone else feels. That may be where the term comes from. It is used pretty often in New Age-type lingo, which would be why I am familiar with it. Someone described as an empath is empathic, not empathetic, so that is the first thing that comes to mind when someone uses that word.
 
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