unvrsplysfvrts
Confident
I voted the perpetrating parent. I was mad at my dad for a long time because he was absent from chunks of my childhood. But I get it. I remember my mom dodging him. I remember him having to move away just so he could find work to pay her child support for two kids. Which she spent on drugs. We ate ramen, had grown out of our clothes, etc.
So yeah, I resented him for a long time for being absent, but it was my mother who did all these horrible things to me. Or the ones that caused my PTSD as opposed to just exacerbating it, anyway.
The things she did to me and her inability to admit them or even apologize for them ruined our ability to have any kind of relationship. I tried for a long time to love her. I felt bad that I didn't for a long time. A girl should love her mother, you know? But I didn't. And now she's dead and I still don't. She damaged my brain in a way that makes my life difficult on a daily basis, so yeah I definitely have a lot more anger for her than for my dad.
I know that he did everything he could for me and my brother and as soon as he got the opportunity, he took her abusive ass to court and fought tooth an nail to protect me. So my resentments for him have all been forgiven. It took him 11 years to get there, but I at least got to finish growing up in a place where I was taken care of and looked after and I didn't have to worry about being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night to be beaten.
So yeah, I resented him for a long time for being absent, but it was my mother who did all these horrible things to me. Or the ones that caused my PTSD as opposed to just exacerbating it, anyway.
The things she did to me and her inability to admit them or even apologize for them ruined our ability to have any kind of relationship. I tried for a long time to love her. I felt bad that I didn't for a long time. A girl should love her mother, you know? But I didn't. And now she's dead and I still don't. She damaged my brain in a way that makes my life difficult on a daily basis, so yeah I definitely have a lot more anger for her than for my dad.
I know that he did everything he could for me and my brother and as soon as he got the opportunity, he took her abusive ass to court and fought tooth an nail to protect me. So my resentments for him have all been forgiven. It took him 11 years to get there, but I at least got to finish growing up in a place where I was taken care of and looked after and I didn't have to worry about being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night to be beaten.