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Arguing As A Trigger?

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lisamarie

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I am starting to realize that one of my WORST PTSD triggers is arguing with my boyfriend.

As soon as we start arguing or any kind of a disagreement, I tense up, find it hard to concentrate, am afraid to speak, and get immediately jumpy at everything. Now, to clarify, my boyfriend NEVER raises his voice to me, and does NOTHING to make me think he's going to hurt me or even disrespect me.

Can anyone else relate? And does anyone have suggestions? Unfortunately, I think its going to be hard to avoid disagreements for the rest of my life. ;)
 
I think arguing could be a trigger. I work at a retail store as a cashier and I have had customers yell at me for no reason or they just annoyed for small things. When things like that happen I get dizzy and numb out.
 
Conflict, or potential impending conflict, of any kind, is a horrible trigger for me right now. I can't even remember if this has always been the case, or if it's just another new out-of-the-box development of late, but right now the mere sense that someone is directing disapproval my way is enough to send chills of horror and terror quite literally through my body. I swear I honestly cringed today when my colleague shot a snide remark my way about a thoroughly inconsequencial work issue...

Wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't, other than to say that given how frequently interpersonal conflict or tension or abuse or cruelty or other forms of "badness" are symptomatic of PTSD histories, it's hardly a surprise that arguing or conflict should be so triggering.

Maddog
 
Yep - major trigger for me here, which is horrible because my boyfriend hasn't got any possible link to the situation of mine which could be explained. After speaking to my counsellor, she explained that it's probably the stress from an argument with a male in an intimate role which is causing me to have triggers, although it wasn't really obvious to me in the past due to the repressed nature of my memory; naturally, though, the body and mind has ways of passing through messages of warnings to people in certain situations, and so my relationship with my father also became affected from it.

In my view, there's not much that can be done since arguments are only "natural" in relationships. I'm trying to explain to my boyfriend the reasons as best as I can, but the trouble with that is it's happened so frequently with neither of us being aware of what was happening that I'm not sure if he's going to be as accepting. But I'm sure that there is a way to get around this nonetheless in your case, since any problem has a solution that can be reached by both parties some way or another.

I wish you all the best.
 
Arguing is a trigger for me too, depending on who it is coming from. I am working on it. It does not trigger me to get scared though, it makes me aggressive. I get very aggressive and that is something I have struggled with for a long time.
 
God, what timing. I had a workplace incident on Friday which, by all objective assessments, was very minor. Two of my colleagues took exception to the fact that I have been nominated to attend a certain event while they have not, and they made their displeasure and disgust at the decision of my boss very apparent. They talked to each other in my presence about how our boss had "lost his marbles" and that "obviously the standards have really dropped around here."

One of them then suggested that it was "pretty bloody pointless" to have a piece of computer equipment that wasn't working, after having discovered that it wasn't working (to my detriment only) and I hadn't taken steps to get the tech boys down to fix it.

All such minor stuff, all so trivial, but there was something in the disgusted accusing tone of my male colleague in particular that triggered me so badly that I had one of the worst public meltdowns I think i've ever had.

I fled from work at 10am in the morning while my colleagues gaped in horror... and right now, I'm not sure I'll ever go back.

Guess I really am triggered by arguing afterall.

Maddog
 
A definite trigger for me having grown up in a chaotic alcoholic household. I have to walk away if people are arguing near me and if I get into one it isn't pretty, it becomes like an all or nothing verbal war.
 
OMG. I can totally relate! Whenever I even sense that DH is angry about something, I always get huge anxiety until I can get him to fess up to what he's angry about. (He's very good at bottling up his anger.) If his anger is about something I've said or done, I totally break down. DH is very peaceful in expressing his anger. Never a raised voice, or temper. But my sense of his disapproval is enough to send me into a tailspin. Panic attacks, sob fests, and self pitty galore. Even if it is over something super tiny, the situation usually turns into a gigantic verbal battle that lasts hours.
 
It is good that you have identified a trigger. But the work does not stop there.

Ask yourself what it is about that situation (internally) which is upsetting. Everyone has their own 'core belief' systems and arguments may spark negative 'core beliefs'. Take for example, someone who didn't feel listened to in an argument. Not feeling listened to, made them feel stupid (which is the negative core belief) and made them argue more, get upset and recall negative times when they felt that way, which can be triggering.

It takes time and patience, but once you know what these 'negative core beliefs' are, you can start to address them - sometimes with therapy, such as CBT. Everyone has 'core beliefs', both negative and positive. The key is to know when the negative ones are being sparked and address them internally with rational thinking. Put the negative belief in one column and next to it write all the rational reasons why that is not true (be honest with yourself, there are many). For example, Core belief: you feel stupid. Rational: you're not stupid because in the past you got good grades on an assignment at school etc

This insight has helped me address arguments with my hubby. Its not a cure for arguments, we still argue, that's how we learn from each other and develop our own perspectives, but the arguments are less emotionally loaded now. I hope you find the same benefits I have from thinking and reflecting on this insight (core beliefs).
 
I didnt even realize the having conflict with some was a trigger for me until I read this thread. Lol I guess you learn something new everyday. When my bf and I argue I always feel like im being attacked. I get so angry I could puch someone. My heart pounds like crazy and I feel as tho I could loose control at any second. I always feel the need to run away and hide to get away from conflict especially with my bf. It makes it horribly frustrating I try to get away from a fight and he chases after me trying to resolve it right then. It makes me feel cornered and so angry that I cant say and do what I need to get out of that situation or resolve the problem.
 
Sorry for "necroing" this thread, but conflict of any kind is my main trigger, which makes life extremely hard at times. We live in a high cost of living area, and my husband works hard and long hours to keep us afloat, because I am currently in a state where I can not work. He comes home and is the crankiest/grumpiest person in the world and I just sort of lock up and freeze.
 
I have only been on here for a short while too and arguing and anger has always been a trigger for me. I would avoid any type of conflict if I could by leaving or tuning it out. If I couldn't avoid being drawn into it then I could never seem to defend myself, I would freeze and not fight back either verbally or physically. I used to think it was just my nature, that I was weak and always had been.

For the past few months I have been recovering memories of an event that was a lot more violent than I had remembered for over 40 years. I fought back and nearly died doing so, then I was given to a woman who directed her anger at me. I was too small and too injured to fight back although I still tried at first. It wasn't until I completely gave up hope that for whatever reason, they let me go. The first person I came into contact with afterward, my teacher, someone I thought would help, was just angry that I came in so late and wouldn't listen and sent me back out onto the street. This incident is the first thing I can remember in my life and the details are slowly coming back but it explains why I have always been terrified of angry people. Now I have to work on how to fix it. Conflict is one thing that is very hard to avoid and is even necessary in life, I just wish I knew how to deal with it.
 
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