butterflybella
New Here
It was encouraging to read everyone's stories. It's very similar to what I've been going through.
My boyfriend was in Iraq for 15 months in the infantry and saw some really bad fighting. He freaks out in grocery stores because of all the people and he has to leave. He's emotionally numb all the time (with an awful, blank expression on his face), has horrible nightmares almost every night of the week where he's woken up and clung to me (he tries to stay up SUPER late every night so that he's really tired and doesn't dream when he finally goes to bed.... as a result he's incredibly tired all the time with huge huge bags under his eyes). Also, he's very negative all the time, in his daily life. ALmost every comment he makes has some sort of a negative twist, and he relates a lot of things back to war, or he talks (half-jokingly, half-serious) about how much he HATES people from the middle east. It's very emotionally damaging to be around someone like that... my moods tend to be influenced by and mirror his, even when I tell myself that the way he's acting is NOT my fault.
He's accidentally punched and kicked and headbutted me in bed because of something he was dreaming about, and he regularly goes through bouts of intense drinking where he's out of control partying for a week at a time.
But then ... on his good days, he's sweet, caring, bends over backwards to give me everything I need, is extremely intelligent, loves me very much, and is basically the best guy ever.
I've encouraged him to get help for the last year and a half, and he was seeing an Army PTSD therapist and on medication for a while, but he stopped taking his meds cold-turkey and didn't tell anyone! I found out when he was acting horribly mean for no reason and drinking a ton and blaming the resulting fights all on me. I checked the medicine cabinet to see if he was taking his medication(nope!).
It's so hard ... I want to be here to support him, bc he's a wonderful guy and I know the problems from PTSD aren't his fault, but he's refused to get help time and time again. I've tried talking with him, crying and pleading with him, and threatening to leave ... and NOTHING is working.
Last week he asked me if he could go out for a drink with his friends, (me: "sure, honey, have fun!") and then he came home at 2:30am WASTED on a Thursday night. He **proudly** told me that he convinced his guy friends to drunk-dial HIS ex-girlfriend multiple times and harrass her. Then he was so hungover the next day he got to work late and was sick all day. Also he peed in the bed.
That night, I told him that I was leaving him and that this was unhealthy and abusive, and I was so embarrassed to be with a man who would act like that. I told him I wanted to be proud of my boyfriend and I was not proud of his behavior. He begged me to stay and said that THIS time it's different, THIS time he's going to get help, and he begged me to stay with him for one more month. The problem is, when I confronted him about his behavior, he saw NO problem with the way he's been acting.
He said that the reason he wants to marry me is because I helped him pick his life up from a downward spiral of alcoholism. Of course I agreed to stay for one more month because I desperately want him to get help. I care about him .... I don't want to leave him to deal with this alone, because he won't talk to anyone else about his time at war and everything he's struggling with. All my girlfriends are telling me I need to leave, that I'm losing all my self-respect by being with him. I love him, but this is killing me. I'm so stressed out it's making me actually, physically sick. I went and looked at an apartment last week and had panic attack and hyperventilated all the way there. I couldnt breathe, I had to sit down and make myself calm down. In addition, I have a recurring illness that happens whenever I'm stressed out and it's REALLY really bad this week.
Also, I come from an abusive, alcoholic home, and my friends tell me that I'm repeating the same pattern in my own life. Apparently this is really common with victims of abuse?
Not sure what I want to hear or what the best path is. Just wanted to share my story with everyone. I have an appointment to view an apartment today after work .. wish me luck.
<3
My boyfriend was in Iraq for 15 months in the infantry and saw some really bad fighting. He freaks out in grocery stores because of all the people and he has to leave. He's emotionally numb all the time (with an awful, blank expression on his face), has horrible nightmares almost every night of the week where he's woken up and clung to me (he tries to stay up SUPER late every night so that he's really tired and doesn't dream when he finally goes to bed.... as a result he's incredibly tired all the time with huge huge bags under his eyes). Also, he's very negative all the time, in his daily life. ALmost every comment he makes has some sort of a negative twist, and he relates a lot of things back to war, or he talks (half-jokingly, half-serious) about how much he HATES people from the middle east. It's very emotionally damaging to be around someone like that... my moods tend to be influenced by and mirror his, even when I tell myself that the way he's acting is NOT my fault.
He's accidentally punched and kicked and headbutted me in bed because of something he was dreaming about, and he regularly goes through bouts of intense drinking where he's out of control partying for a week at a time.
But then ... on his good days, he's sweet, caring, bends over backwards to give me everything I need, is extremely intelligent, loves me very much, and is basically the best guy ever.
I've encouraged him to get help for the last year and a half, and he was seeing an Army PTSD therapist and on medication for a while, but he stopped taking his meds cold-turkey and didn't tell anyone! I found out when he was acting horribly mean for no reason and drinking a ton and blaming the resulting fights all on me. I checked the medicine cabinet to see if he was taking his medication(nope!).
It's so hard ... I want to be here to support him, bc he's a wonderful guy and I know the problems from PTSD aren't his fault, but he's refused to get help time and time again. I've tried talking with him, crying and pleading with him, and threatening to leave ... and NOTHING is working.
Last week he asked me if he could go out for a drink with his friends, (me: "sure, honey, have fun!") and then he came home at 2:30am WASTED on a Thursday night. He **proudly** told me that he convinced his guy friends to drunk-dial HIS ex-girlfriend multiple times and harrass her. Then he was so hungover the next day he got to work late and was sick all day. Also he peed in the bed.
That night, I told him that I was leaving him and that this was unhealthy and abusive, and I was so embarrassed to be with a man who would act like that. I told him I wanted to be proud of my boyfriend and I was not proud of his behavior. He begged me to stay and said that THIS time it's different, THIS time he's going to get help, and he begged me to stay with him for one more month. The problem is, when I confronted him about his behavior, he saw NO problem with the way he's been acting.
He said that the reason he wants to marry me is because I helped him pick his life up from a downward spiral of alcoholism. Of course I agreed to stay for one more month because I desperately want him to get help. I care about him .... I don't want to leave him to deal with this alone, because he won't talk to anyone else about his time at war and everything he's struggling with. All my girlfriends are telling me I need to leave, that I'm losing all my self-respect by being with him. I love him, but this is killing me. I'm so stressed out it's making me actually, physically sick. I went and looked at an apartment last week and had panic attack and hyperventilated all the way there. I couldnt breathe, I had to sit down and make myself calm down. In addition, I have a recurring illness that happens whenever I'm stressed out and it's REALLY really bad this week.
Also, I come from an abusive, alcoholic home, and my friends tell me that I'm repeating the same pattern in my own life. Apparently this is really common with victims of abuse?
Not sure what I want to hear or what the best path is. Just wanted to share my story with everyone. I have an appointment to view an apartment today after work .. wish me luck.
<3