G
Gilus
This is something I feel very ashamed of but I need to get it off of my chest. When I have flashbacks or intrusive memories of the sexual abuse I experienced as a child I sometimes feel aroused. Sometimes the arousal is so strong that I masturbate to relieve it. I feel so ashamed and disgusting afterwards. Also, sometimes when I am having sex or masturbating those memories just automatically pop into my mind. I feel so disgusting, but sometimes the only way I can orgasm is when I am remembering the sexual abuse and orgasming as a child. Why does this happen? Does it make me just like my abuser? I mean how can I be aroused by this? I'm not a pedophile like my abuser, I would never hurt anyone like that, so why do my own memories of sexual abuse make me aroused sometimes? This is really bothering me. I'm too ashamed to talk to my therapist about this. I don't know what to do about this.