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At the End of My Rope...

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by superd, Sep 18, 2006.

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  1. superd

    superd Member

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    hey guys. Been awol for a little while...need to vent. I had to go out of town last week on business and was out of the house for five days. I was ok when I left, but then while away, I had a chance to think about how difficult it has been living with a wife who suffers from PTSD. It is extremely aggravating at times, even though I know she isn’t like that underneath. We’ve had ups and downs (in the past: lies about meds, taking money to buy them without telling me, telling me she hates me, doesn’t want to have kids with me, etc.), like most of you here, and today I am feeling down about it. Anyway, I know I need to take care of myself when these times come...PTSD is such a bitch, I just feel trapped in it sometimes.
     
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  3. superd

    superd Member

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    Better now...

    Sorry if that post seems so incredibly selfish, which it does after i composed myself and read it again. It just that so often I become the target of her anger, and unlike the kind and loving souls on this forum, I seem to lack that empathetic quality that tells me that the anger really isn't about me...I wish I could borrow some from all of you...I don't know how you do it.
     
  4. Andrea42

    Andrea42 Active Member

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    Dont apologize. Its how you feel and you are not being selfish...seems to me you have been through alot!
    You are as important as she is.
    You have needs also...You need undertsanding and support as well...You are going through alot! and this is tough!!! You both will get through this and hopefully together.
    We see that you needed to vent and thats fine! Now i know you love your wife and she loves you so im sure there is something you will be able to work out.
    I understand your situation in a different point of view...i am not the supporter but the one with the problem (disrespful and abusive) and the one who has casued my husband so much pain time and time again in the past.
    Read my thread "Losing the battle with myself" it was harsh.... only that i kicked myself down for everything i have done..
    You are going through what my husband went through with me. So i can see how painful this is for you...I saw his pain every single day! I would know...and i am sorry she has made you feel this way. I know its not intensional and if it seems at times, i know she does not want you to leave!
    Ask my husband how many times i have told him that i would divorce him!
    Its hard, but its not impossible to get through it.
     
  5. kimG

    kimG Well-Known Member

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    Superd,

    I'm sorry to hear that you are so angry and frustrated at your wife. I would be too, if my spouse lied, stole, and told me he hated me. In fact, I won't have stuck around as long as you have. For that I applaud you.

    Have you gone to counseling for yourself? Or together for your marriage? I've said this before to some people and it applies to you: you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of her. You deserve to be happy and if you're not well, mentally or physically, you won't be happy. Perhaps a counselor would help you understand what she is going through and might be able to give you some methods to help her and you. I don't know; I am just guessing. But, it's worth a shot. But also remember that whatever you do, it has to be right for you, not for anyone else.

    Hang in there, Superd. Know that we are here for you.
     
  6. Kims_Man

    Kims_Man Active Member

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    Dude, I can so relate! I have gotten myself so worked up over the crap that goes on. I kick around, murmering under my breath. Anyone looking on would surely think I had lost my mind! You are not wrong feeling the way you do, you're human. You are dealing with more than the majority of husbands out there will ever be asked to handle. It is not easy, nor will it ever be. Is it worth it? No one can answer that for you. No way in hell. Only you know what happens between the outbursts. Only you know how receptive to treatment she is. How good things are when the woman you married re-emerges.

    And as far as your second post, that is so typical of my emotional rollercoaster! I get all worked up, pissed off, angry as hell, then after I have time to think about it, about what she went throught to cause her condition, I get to feeling guilty and regretful of what I may have said. It is one hell of a ride, ain't it!

    Just know we are here for you, and are relying on you to be there for us. No one else knows what we are going through, and if we can't rely on each other, it only makes it that much worse.

    Hang in there, dude. You have some seriously difficult questions to answer for yoruself! We'll do what we can to help.

    Warren
     
  7. andress

    andress New Member

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    Hi Superd ,After reading your post here I can relate to your wife.

    To be honest it took me a long time to realize what I was doing to my husband.In my case it is like''You do everything my way or take the highway.'

    It is only recently I have realized that my behavior is not normal.In my case I have tested my husband.It is like I push him so far just to see how committed he is to me.If he does not understand me when I at my worst it is like I punish him emotionally.I call it been totally dependent on him in a distorted way.But in reality what I am really doing is trying to control him.I dont mean to.He used to get the blunt of my rages.Example I would call him all the names under the sun and be nasty verbally)He used to call it ''Raw Hatred'' towards him.To this day I cant understand why I done it.May,be there is someone on here that can explain it further.

    Hope this post makes sense.

    Andress
     
  8. desert4now

    desert4now Active Member

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    Andress,
    My hubby has PTSD and you hit it right on. He does what you have said to me on a daily basis.
    You said it so right. But now what, how does the caregiver live through that??
     
  9. desert4now

    desert4now Active Member

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    Can I clarify? I think I did not quite say it right. Your quote is what happens to the caregiver on a daily basis. Hope that makes sense.
     
  10. andress

    andress New Member

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    Hi desert4now,In my own experiences I realized part of me was becoming abusive.It is like a repeated pattern.For a long time I was not aware that I was been abusive.To me it was a way of being.One day I realized that It was not fair to put my husband through this.It was my battle and why should he suffer.He done nothing to me.
    It is like you wake up and realize you are living your past and venting your anger on the people around you.I still suffer but I have learnt not to react in an abusive way.
    I attended a seminar of Tony Robbins 2 years ago.
    I found his self help programme Get the Edge helped me to identify certain conditioning and associations from childhood.I feel the past 15 years have been a crucifixion for me mentally.But the only person that can help me is ''me''.

    My husband is there for me when I need a hug when I am feeling very emotional.But there is nothing else he can do for me.
    I have to heal my'self.
    Andress
     
  11. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    I could only say, you need to get your wife here and chat with others, let her learn how to treat you better, understand herself, and heal to get back on with a loving relationship, as relationships should be. And beside, I agree with the above, your not being selfish, because you have to also take care of you during this, because PTSD will not care for you when uncontrolled.
     
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