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Avoidance... The Opposite Of It?

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Renee123

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Hello.

I know that avoidance is a common symptom of PTSD, and while I get that to some degree (I feel sick when I walk through the place where It happened), I also often find myself Googling/searching the trauma. When other kids tweet about it, it's kinda like "Oh, I'm not the only one that remembers". Also part of it, I think, is because I want to see if there are any new developments on the case, but then when there are and I read things about it/people's comments, I get really upset and panicky. Like the other day, I looked for me "Never Forget..." shirt that I got after the attack, yet I feel like I shouldn't want to remind myself of that day and when I do it hurts. (P.S. = Still can't find said shirt. sigh.)

I know it sounds weird, and I wasn't sure if it's 'normal' to kinda purposely trigger yourself in a way. I'm not sure if this even makes sense to anyone else.
 
What Ronin said.

It's something I've always done, in a lot of different ways. Sometimes those ways seriously f*ck me up. Sometimes they seriously help.

The ways that help tend to be on the exposure therapy side of things. Flirting right up to the edge, and then backing away. Then coming close again. Taking things in little pieces. At my own discretion. For a far better description? Check out the following link. Link Removed

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Using a little bit of insider information? What happened in chat today I had money on the table was you doing just that with avoidance & exposure. By talking about what it was like to be a teenager in school in decades past, it felt like you were working your way up to talking about violence in schools today. More money on the table says you actually knew the answer to some of the Q's you were asking, but by asking them? Letting us riff on old technology? It let you avoid moving closer to talking about your trauma stuff / distract & avoid. Until you were ready. Which is FINE. It let you be in control. Let you come close to the subject, without actually touching it. Until you decided you were ready. And then you were ready. Talked about stuff for a bit. And then backed away again. I could have been completely wrong. It just looked very much like something I do all the time. Most of the time not really aware I'm doing it until later. And then I'm like... Oooooooh. Other times Immtotally aware I'm doing it / am doing it very deliberately. Trying to come close to something that's very difficult for me to come close to.

IMO its a healthy thing. & you were doing a really, really good job of it. :D

Theres a bit of a dance, a rhythm, to what just simply works in my experience. We each have our own. Come close, back away. Come close, back away.

Avoidance & Distraction can be wicked useful tools in dealing with trauma. Not just the classic "Let's pretend this never happened" kind of avoidance, but the kind that let's you get close... But not too close. The kind of self monitoring & self regulating that let's us start to process stuff, without shredding ourselves.
 
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What Ronin said.

It's something I've always done, in a lot of different ways. Sometimes those ways seri...
Yeah... I didn't really even think of it like that at the time. But now that you say it like that, I'm pretty sure that was exactly what I was doing. Sorry if it's annoying.

I'm trying to balance the actual "let's pretend this never happened" that I did for a long time with this kind.

Thank you for the link, and your input. It means a lot you took the time to share with me and type that out. Thank you.
 
<grin> Are you kidding??? We had a blast talking about old tech! :D That's one of the skills of healthy avoidance, it's actually okay. It's doing things like laughing with friends (like in chat earlier), and going for a run, and making art, and 1,000 other things that let us keep our distance, but still get close. It lays the necessary groundwork... So we can talk about hard stuff, and not break ourselves over it. It's a really, really awesome tool. NOT annoying. NOT wrong. It's okay to go gently up to something. Balance is good. Freaking difficult to master, but very very good.
 
For me, I think there's a difference between reencacting the trauma and exposure (approach) to that which I usually avoid. Reenactment feels compulsive and weird and leaves me feeling worse. Exposure or "approach behaviors" can feel horrible while I'm doing it, but I understand and believe in the evidence that says it works for trauma. When carefully titrated (building up to it and staying in your window of tolerance) it makes me feel more in control and empowered, even though in the short term it may provoke increased symptoms.

@Renee123, are you seeing a therapist? You may want to look into evidence-based (well researched and proven to be effective) trauma-focused exposure therapies such as EMDR or Prolonged Exposure (PE.) I did 10 weeks of PE with my T (whom I trust very much), and it was really hard, but afterward I was able to think about and talk about a certain memory much more easily, and able to do other things that I had avoided because they triggered me (e.g., certain yoga poses, looking at specific photos.)

Good luck with this, Renee!
 
Hello.

I know that avoidance is a common symptom of PTSD, and while I get that to some degree (I fee...

I do this a lot, for me it feels like it comes from a need to feel in control. If I keep those memories and thoughts really present they can't spring up on me which feels far more frightening. I know it is not ideal but I feel I can control 'it' rather than 'it' control me. I'm hoping as I process it more the need to do this will lessen but right now it is how I am coping and that's OK.

I hope that makes some sense!
 
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