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Avoidant Of Sexual Relationships?

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xraydave

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Is it common with PTSD people? It's hard to find any threads about sexuality in the relationships section, just brother-sister mother-son relationships here, so i decided to make my own thread.

I have experiences, where i would imagine all sorts of potential relationships i could have with girls i've met, etc but it's almost like i can't even approach them in that way IRL. something is always holding me back.

so yeah no gf, no relationship history. just weird on/off mixed signals, and plenty of flirtatious conversations. nothing other than that, because if i were trying it would have been easier. but apparently i can't. i just want to know if someone gets what i mean.
 
an example, would be just not putting yourself in a position, 'to get out there '. Or maybe, being 'out there', but not letting anyone in, to talk about like, going out on a date or something. so yeah "avoidance" ..
 
I hear you!
I am the same. Exactly the same.
The most I get is "potential"- I might stumble across someone but nothing materialises in the "real" sense ever.
I'm very avoidance and do not put myself out there. It's a safety thing which I am very concerned about.
I'm learning to deal with that and it is not as bad as it used to be. I have good family/friendships npw but still I am very reluctant/hesitant when it comes to the opposite sex. I can't describe it. The physical/emotional sensation feels like when you are learning to swim as a kid and they make you dive in at the deep end for the first time. You stand there for ages at the edge of the water looking down and not wanting to do it due to fear - something is holding you back. That is how it feels for me. I also have a problem with touch and human contact - hate being touched - used to be like that even with very close loved ones. I alsp used to have a bad startle response too which never helped.
I can flirt with people easily but I know that I can never follow through. I can act like an overly confident flirtatious type and people ask me all the time "what is it like you must get it (attention) so much all the time? what is it like?" I'm good at keeping that act up - and sometimes I do enjoy it. Deep down I know it is an act. People close to me know that I am an island.
 
Yes therapy helped a lot. I was very reluctant to seek help and then to use it (I would sit in the chair and just basically be antagonistic).I eventually realised that it couldn't hurt and that I ought to be open to it, and then I started to make progress. I won't lie to you and say it was easy. But I will tell you that it was worth it - it certainly was for me. As for the touch and human contact and general relationships (non romantic ones) time healed this. That said, this was after a lot of therapy.

On a more personal level - I started celebrating the tiniest little progress. For example, the time I was able to watch a sex scene in a film without feeling uncomfortable! Or the time I enjoyed dancing with someone again at a party! I know it is hard, but there is a lot of happiness to be rediscovered!
 
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