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Avoiding life and what makes life special...relationships

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This is a difficult subject for me. i was married for thirty six years and was quite sexually active and experienced alot of sexual trauma as a child and a teenager. I was fine but never orgismed until I started therapy and it came out that I had repressed memories of csa and I was never the same after that. I am like you in respect that I avoid anything to do with naked bodies or sex in movies or books etc. I have a very hard time taking a shower and they are always very fast just enough to get clean.

I had some times that I did enjoy sex with my husband but most of the time I avoided it as much as possible and it was not fair to my husband and I grieved bitterly over my lack of wanting it at all most of the time.

My husband has since passed away and I now live alone and am happy as a clam that I am going to remain without any more sex ever again. I am at peace with this part of my life and I intend never to get into another relationship ever again. I am in therapy and doing CBT with much good results. I hope that you can gain some peace of mind over this issue. I hate my dead abusive father and he made my skin crawl and he ruined me for sex. As long as I was unaware I was fine and enjoyed it very much.

I really wish the best for you in this delicate area of your life. I do not think you are anything but normal for what you have been through. :hug:
 
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