My last three therapy sessions have been quite heavy, and I've found each week that I forget part of what we have talked about. T wanted to slow down a bit, and suggested trying an exercise to get in touch with my body. This is something I've long wanted to do, so I cautiously agreed. As she talked about noticing how my hands felt, I was internally quite defensive, wanting to use my arm to ward off T, but said nothing, expecting to discuss it afterwards.
Then she asked me to notice my breathing, and observe whether I had a preference for breathing in or out. At this stage I said firmly, No. She stopped and asked about it; I said "My life depends on breathing out". She repeated "on breathing out" and demonstrated a long out-breath, then asked what about breathing in? I said "I don't care", collected my things and left, ignoring her words "Sandstone, come back in if you can"
I wasn't angry or aggressive, simply determined not be part of this.
I am absolutely certain that breathing has no link to the past. This seems to be something my mind has manufactured to dramatise things. It supports my constant fear that I am at best exaggerating my condition.
So - what do you think was going on, and what should I have done differently to moderate my behaviour? And, am I supposed to contact T to apologise.or do I just turn up next week? She doesn't do contact between sessions, except for scheduling.
Then she asked me to notice my breathing, and observe whether I had a preference for breathing in or out. At this stage I said firmly, No. She stopped and asked about it; I said "My life depends on breathing out". She repeated "on breathing out" and demonstrated a long out-breath, then asked what about breathing in? I said "I don't care", collected my things and left, ignoring her words "Sandstone, come back in if you can"
I wasn't angry or aggressive, simply determined not be part of this.
I am absolutely certain that breathing has no link to the past. This seems to be something my mind has manufactured to dramatise things. It supports my constant fear that I am at best exaggerating my condition.
So - what do you think was going on, and what should I have done differently to moderate my behaviour? And, am I supposed to contact T to apologise.or do I just turn up next week? She doesn't do contact between sessions, except for scheduling.