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Sufferer Been hiding for 17 years. housefire/ attempted murder & murder

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MrMoonlight

MyPTSD Pro
I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. It’s only taken me thirty some years to realize the day I used to fantasize about will never come. That “some time in the distant future” I will feel okay was just a magical fallacy.


Thanks for letting me be part of this community. Hopefully I can find some answers or at least figure out what questions need to be asked. I feel like a whiner and apologize for such an uplifting intro.


I don’t have a PTSD diagnosis yet but believe my other symptoms may be part of this affliction.


At 12 years of age someone at 3am attempted to burn my home down around me and my family. It was a 5 alarm fire that was front page news for months. Fast forward 15 years I was in a situation where I discovered a bit of brain from a murder that was not cleaned. A few days later I started my 17 year self imposed imprisonment after passing out at work.


I thought at the time maybe I wasn’t eating enough but all these years later it’s tougher every day convincing myself that it was lack of nutrition that has made me lose all my friends, tested family relationships to their breaking point and seen real regression in all of life and living.


Sorry if this is a lot..just felt good to getting some of it out…


Anyway thanks for reading…and understanding…
 
Glad you decided to join the club none of us want to belong to... and you are right. you will get understanding here.... and support /
Maybe your family Dr. can recommend a Psychiatrist for you to see to get a proper diagnosis.... then they can recommend who to see next..... it's amazing you have gone this long. and a part of me is damned proud, That says therapy will be something you can do and know why.... this other crazy crap we have done... we suspected, but didn't really know why...
Just glad you are here.... it is a very healing to place to be, no matter what a crappy day you have !!!!
 
I was just thinking yesterday night that from the outside looking in many things I did would seem 'nuts', but really they were largely maladaptive coping in response, and trying to get through. Like @ladee said it takes a lot to hang in there and you should try to go a bit more gentle on yourself, this is a really big step too. :tup:

Welcome to you. I like your name btw. :)
 
welcome and hang tight - someonehas experienced something similar or at least the symptoms and somehow we are coping in our different ways that work for us and by sharing what we learn we are stronger and also reassured that this is a thing we are dealing with.. I agree move forward towards a diagnosis because acceptance is key to living with PTSD. Your experiences sound like they could contribute to such a diagnosis.
 
I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. It’s only taken me thirty some years to realize the day I...
Bleev, I hope you use this site as a landing spot to try out some new behaviors and take some risks. You can always give it a try and then come back and talk about if you were uncomfortable and in what way.. I think talking about it is the first step!
 
Like @ladee said it takes a lot to hang in there and you should try to go a bit more gentle on yourself, this is a really big step too....

I didn't realize how big a step. I don't even have a coherent timeline of my life. Didn't realize this until I attempted to study mine after reading a thread here touching on the subject. I mean my life is a series of traumatic (to me) events that in my mind didn't really tell a useful story. I just had all these things piled upon each other....or locked away because I haven't let myself look too closely at the particular time in my life. Maybe that's because it was so long ago or maybe I subconsciously locked it away.

Today was particularly bad. In a good way I guess as it made me search for a local psychiatrist. I intend to seek a diagnosis and sort through some of these things. I just can't continue on like this....

Man, how the heck do you open yourself to someone like that?
 
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