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Being A Misfit

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Whyteferret

MyPTSD Pro
Nothing is by accident. This TED Talk came up on my Podcast list. I needed to hear this message. This applies to so many of us. The last couple of minutes is the most powerful. It talks about being beautiful in the midst of failure and being a new person no matter what the situation. We can rebuild. I also connect with finding your voice and telling your story. We have something to offer just by our stories. I'm not explaining it well. She said it so much better than me,

I hope some of you watch it (13 minutes long). Maybe this is something we can discuss. What it means to us. How we see it applying to our lives, there are so many ways she tells her story that is so similar to ours.

 
I am and was everything she talked about, except for the writer. From chaotic beginning, still born child, all of it... and i am 65 yrs old and was setting just today and wondering what have I done with my life. What difference have I made in this world with my time here... and I can reinvent myself... I can.
Thank you so much for sharing this... maybe not today,or tomorrow, but I can reinvent myself.
 
I wrote a book once called MISFIT MOTEL, which was about the motel I owned and operated. It didn't sell well.... The motel itself seemed to gather the misfits one by one and then it held them, sometimes gently for one one night and sometimes for a couple of years (and everything in between). I am a misfit too, of course, and so they felt very comfortable being my guests, we understood one another perfectly.

Many of these folks came to me from the airport, so after the World Trade Center Bombing, my guests slowly dwindled and local undesirables started to be the only folks that would rent rooms. Either they were doing something they didn't want their mother to see or their wife to see, or both. They were drug dealers, prostitutes and recently released convicts. I would kick one out and the next would be worse, a convicted murderer, just released from prison.

When I tried to clean the place up and get rid of these people, my life was threatened. And so I handed the motel back to the bank, became homeless for 3 years and basically lived by begging in the streets, until my Social Security Disability Insurance came through. Then I saved up some money and eventually was able to rent my own little place. I lived there for 12 years, but you see, when I had been homeless, I had an abusive boyfriend. He sponged off of me, living in cheap motels with me. Oh, he was nice at first. They all are, but anyway, I did leave him and finally succeeded in doing so after my 16th try! He found me waiting for a bus a year and a half later, so I was always scared he'd find out where I lived.

Finally, I got the chance to move 625 miles away from there and I did so. Thank God! I finally feel safe now. I know he could never survive here, way out in the mountains. He's a city slicker. I'm at heart a country girl.

I had 7 miscarriages, I am a widow and I have had plenty of losses in my life, so I know how she feels. But she is right, we CAN remake ourselves. Even when we are in our 60s and beyond.
 
its funny how people can pick the misfits out. And we become more of a misfit or manage to build a misfit identity. Like she did.
We learn to connect in different ways, offer different things. And deal with the strange looks.

I really like the part about telling our stories, so many of us with PTSD were silenced and our voices remain unheard.

I'm definitely not where she is in terms of sharing what happened but I am starting to "listen" to myself more and at least not be silent with myself. A huge step was starting therapy again. I'd been in it for depression and most of the skills transfer. But, I never mentioned the trauma to that therapist. I didn't tell anyone until years later. Then, it wa just the basics.

Yeah, my voice was/is silenced.
 
@Whyteferret Just take baby steps. Whatever you are comfortable with disclosing, do so. If something feels too personal, keep it to yourslf until you are ready to let it go to someone you trust. It does not have to be a Therapist either. I share stuff with my pastor and sometimes my sister and a lot with my niece. My niece opened up to me too, telling me about her having been raped by 4 of her classmates who were supposedly her "friends" when she was in the 10th grade. She too is PTSD and we share a lot in common in our lives. I think it was I who opened up first on the subject, and then she responded about her experiences after that. She is not as much of a misfit as I am. She is a school teacher and I was never really able to hold a job for more than a couple of years tops, then I would crash and someone else would have to "hold up the fort" while I regained my footing. This usually takes about 4 months for me to do. However, I am also Bipolar, as well as PTSD and so I think that is why she is able to do better in life than I was able to.
 
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