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Relationship Being Pulled In Different Directions

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As the holidays approached my spouse anger and level of ability to cope has only escalated. I've completely backed off and no longer question him about where he's going. Some nights he sleeps in the bed with me with his own blanket. This is his norm since his return almost two years ago from a war zone.

Other nights he sleeps on the chaise lounge curled up in a ball with all the lights in. Our finances are overwhelming and he hasn't made great decisions lately by borrowing money to travel out of town to see a sick parent. To make matters worse he keeps throwing it up in my face he's leaving and I won't have anything? We have two teenage sons, we've been married for more than 20yrs and he keeps tryig to make me move out Of our home and leave the boys with him. I don't have the heart to tell him they are scarred from his actions not only to me but them as well.

He is here physically but gone in every other aspect. He does nothin to help either with the kids or around the house. Said it's not his job.

So it strange the night before e leaves to travel 4 states away he finally gives in an we have sex. Almost seems like the man I know. We have lunch together an he says that he's damage goods an that he's all f@$&ed up in the head he's no good to anyone. Shocked that he finally admitted there's a problem I kept my response short and said you've just had a breakthrough. The fact that you can admit this is the start of the healing process. He left the next morning to see his parent.

We txt an he started to open up again. When he returned home two days before Christmas he was extra anxious and stayed gone most of the day. (He's on vacation until January) since his return and actually for the last month all I keep hearing is how he's gonna throw me out an if I don't go he will. He doesn't want a divorce he just wants to seperate? Yet when I ask if he's gonna see other people he gets enraged as accuses me of wanting to do so. I just want clarity as to what's he's thinking. He goes out of his way to ignore all of us, won't eat dinner with us, of he watches tv with us he's sitting in a chair right in front of tv and the rest of us are behind him on the sofa. He makes no comments or conversation it's as if he's alone?

He seems like he's fallen deeper into this isolation, and I'm confused as to what I should do. We ask if he's hungry he says no, we eat then he comes I to kitchen and sets down and eats by himself. Tonight he even said he's taking our dog? He knows how mch I love that dog he kept me company while I was dealing with his deployment. I ask him to just try and relax so we can handle one thing at a time. He claims he needs to be alone to see if he wants to be with me yet he says when he sees me he gets angry. Yet he can't tell me why? He says we don't et along but we don't argue because he won't talk. Said I'm the reason for his unhappiness. Out sons hear these things and are loosing respect for him. He can't just walk in and be nice he doesn't even answer the phone when we call him.

I love him and want to stick this out but I'm also very troubled by his recent case of hurtful, disrespect and total neglect for my feelings. I'm open to suggestions as I don't have any family it's just me my husband and our two sons. The last two weeks have been rough. I feel like I'm trembling in the inside. All he can seem to do is laugh. Grateful for any suggestions.
 
It sounds like it is officially time to put your boys and your sanity first. He sounds like he needs serious help, and financial pressures and parental illness are just adding fuel to the PTSD fire. If he won't get help, you can't convince him or make him do it either. HE has to do it. He will not get better until he gets some kind of treatment.

If you want some advice, If I were you, I would decide how much of this treatment I could tolerate. If you have it in you to fight, fight. If you are at the end of your rope, leave and take your children. If you are determined to keep your children's and your home, stay and let him get to getting. Your husband is in no fit state to take care of himself, much less the kids. He won't even eat with them. He can't isolate from his children and parent at the same time. He cannot be a husband if he is going to be cruel to his wife constantly, without putting some kind of effort into getting better so he can manage his stressors and be a part of the relationship.

It's time to lay it out. It's a sucky situation... especially when you have spent such a long part of your lives together.
 
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