Determinedone
Learning
As the holidays approached my spouse anger and level of ability to cope has only escalated. I've completely backed off and no longer question him about where he's going. Some nights he sleeps in the bed with me with his own blanket. This is his norm since his return almost two years ago from a war zone.
Other nights he sleeps on the chaise lounge curled up in a ball with all the lights in. Our finances are overwhelming and he hasn't made great decisions lately by borrowing money to travel out of town to see a sick parent. To make matters worse he keeps throwing it up in my face he's leaving and I won't have anything? We have two teenage sons, we've been married for more than 20yrs and he keeps tryig to make me move out Of our home and leave the boys with him. I don't have the heart to tell him they are scarred from his actions not only to me but them as well.
He is here physically but gone in every other aspect. He does nothin to help either with the kids or around the house. Said it's not his job.
So it strange the night before e leaves to travel 4 states away he finally gives in an we have sex. Almost seems like the man I know. We have lunch together an he says that he's damage goods an that he's all f@$&ed up in the head he's no good to anyone. Shocked that he finally admitted there's a problem I kept my response short and said you've just had a breakthrough. The fact that you can admit this is the start of the healing process. He left the next morning to see his parent.
We txt an he started to open up again. When he returned home two days before Christmas he was extra anxious and stayed gone most of the day. (He's on vacation until January) since his return and actually for the last month all I keep hearing is how he's gonna throw me out an if I don't go he will. He doesn't want a divorce he just wants to seperate? Yet when I ask if he's gonna see other people he gets enraged as accuses me of wanting to do so. I just want clarity as to what's he's thinking. He goes out of his way to ignore all of us, won't eat dinner with us, of he watches tv with us he's sitting in a chair right in front of tv and the rest of us are behind him on the sofa. He makes no comments or conversation it's as if he's alone?
He seems like he's fallen deeper into this isolation, and I'm confused as to what I should do. We ask if he's hungry he says no, we eat then he comes I to kitchen and sets down and eats by himself. Tonight he even said he's taking our dog? He knows how mch I love that dog he kept me company while I was dealing with his deployment. I ask him to just try and relax so we can handle one thing at a time. He claims he needs to be alone to see if he wants to be with me yet he says when he sees me he gets angry. Yet he can't tell me why? He says we don't et along but we don't argue because he won't talk. Said I'm the reason for his unhappiness. Out sons hear these things and are loosing respect for him. He can't just walk in and be nice he doesn't even answer the phone when we call him.
I love him and want to stick this out but I'm also very troubled by his recent case of hurtful, disrespect and total neglect for my feelings. I'm open to suggestions as I don't have any family it's just me my husband and our two sons. The last two weeks have been rough. I feel like I'm trembling in the inside. All he can seem to do is laugh. Grateful for any suggestions.
Other nights he sleeps on the chaise lounge curled up in a ball with all the lights in. Our finances are overwhelming and he hasn't made great decisions lately by borrowing money to travel out of town to see a sick parent. To make matters worse he keeps throwing it up in my face he's leaving and I won't have anything? We have two teenage sons, we've been married for more than 20yrs and he keeps tryig to make me move out Of our home and leave the boys with him. I don't have the heart to tell him they are scarred from his actions not only to me but them as well.
He is here physically but gone in every other aspect. He does nothin to help either with the kids or around the house. Said it's not his job.
So it strange the night before e leaves to travel 4 states away he finally gives in an we have sex. Almost seems like the man I know. We have lunch together an he says that he's damage goods an that he's all f@$&ed up in the head he's no good to anyone. Shocked that he finally admitted there's a problem I kept my response short and said you've just had a breakthrough. The fact that you can admit this is the start of the healing process. He left the next morning to see his parent.
We txt an he started to open up again. When he returned home two days before Christmas he was extra anxious and stayed gone most of the day. (He's on vacation until January) since his return and actually for the last month all I keep hearing is how he's gonna throw me out an if I don't go he will. He doesn't want a divorce he just wants to seperate? Yet when I ask if he's gonna see other people he gets enraged as accuses me of wanting to do so. I just want clarity as to what's he's thinking. He goes out of his way to ignore all of us, won't eat dinner with us, of he watches tv with us he's sitting in a chair right in front of tv and the rest of us are behind him on the sofa. He makes no comments or conversation it's as if he's alone?
He seems like he's fallen deeper into this isolation, and I'm confused as to what I should do. We ask if he's hungry he says no, we eat then he comes I to kitchen and sets down and eats by himself. Tonight he even said he's taking our dog? He knows how mch I love that dog he kept me company while I was dealing with his deployment. I ask him to just try and relax so we can handle one thing at a time. He claims he needs to be alone to see if he wants to be with me yet he says when he sees me he gets angry. Yet he can't tell me why? He says we don't et along but we don't argue because he won't talk. Said I'm the reason for his unhappiness. Out sons hear these things and are loosing respect for him. He can't just walk in and be nice he doesn't even answer the phone when we call him.
I love him and want to stick this out but I'm also very troubled by his recent case of hurtful, disrespect and total neglect for my feelings. I'm open to suggestions as I don't have any family it's just me my husband and our two sons. The last two weeks have been rough. I feel like I'm trembling in the inside. All he can seem to do is laugh. Grateful for any suggestions.