EveHarrington
MyPTSD Pro
I've debated posting this like a million times, mainly because I feared a bunch of "you only feel this way because you have abandonment issues" responses.
Being thrown away sucks.
My dad was a big source of support in my life.
Until....one day, he simply wasn't.
He completely shut me out of his life. He blocked my number. He was simply gone without saying a word.
-----insert other events/happenings which reinforce the disappearing act and add major stress to my life which I will not mention for privacy reasons.-----
Fast forward a few months to my suicide attempt. These issues with my dad were a primary source of my distress. I had lost a major source of support and my world was spinning out of control.
In the hospital I was pretty out of it yet adamant that my dad's fiancé NOT be allowed in my room. My parents have a contentious divorce happening and I was put in the middle. Yeah, at least in my drug induced f*cked-up-ness I knew I didn't want WWIII in my hospital room. So my dad and his fiancé show up at the hospital and try to force their way into my room. FFS I just came THIS close to having a successful suicide attempt and they put this crap on me? Hail-no. The nurses got scared and called security on my dad. Yeah, you can't just force yourself into someone's hospital room. FFS I was put on one-on-one suicide watch my whole time there! The nurses told them sorry but SHE cannot enter the room (the fiancé). My dad says that if SHE cannot go in, THEY were BOTH leaving. FFS. Twist the knife in my heart just a little bit more. Hullo, dumbass, your daughter almost died and you don't even care enough to see her because the fiancé you've known all of five minutes (seriously only a slight exaggeration....they got together just after New Years, engaged in January, my hospital visit was the first weekend in April)-----is SO much more important than your daughter.
I have had to tell the drama of my life over the last 8 months a number of times to new therapists, etc. I just realized today that I always forget to include the hospital incident. It hurts too much to remember. I can forgive the other shit, but it's too much to be given this kind of treatment, to have my own dad choose to not want to see me right after a suicide attempt.
Everything is still pretty precarious right now. I couldn't handle it if my dad threw me away again. I'm not being vindictive in not wanting him in my life. I have to put myself first and acknowledge that a "sorry" isn't going to come anywhere close to fixing this.
I'm pretty fragile right now. I only ask that if you are going to chalk this up to PTSD related abandonment issues that wouldn't hurt a normal person, that you please not respond. I'm looking for support and just want to get this out there because it weighs on me heavily. Thank you.
Being thrown away sucks.
My dad was a big source of support in my life.
Until....one day, he simply wasn't.
He completely shut me out of his life. He blocked my number. He was simply gone without saying a word.
-----insert other events/happenings which reinforce the disappearing act and add major stress to my life which I will not mention for privacy reasons.-----
Fast forward a few months to my suicide attempt. These issues with my dad were a primary source of my distress. I had lost a major source of support and my world was spinning out of control.
In the hospital I was pretty out of it yet adamant that my dad's fiancé NOT be allowed in my room. My parents have a contentious divorce happening and I was put in the middle. Yeah, at least in my drug induced f*cked-up-ness I knew I didn't want WWIII in my hospital room. So my dad and his fiancé show up at the hospital and try to force their way into my room. FFS I just came THIS close to having a successful suicide attempt and they put this crap on me? Hail-no. The nurses got scared and called security on my dad. Yeah, you can't just force yourself into someone's hospital room. FFS I was put on one-on-one suicide watch my whole time there! The nurses told them sorry but SHE cannot enter the room (the fiancé). My dad says that if SHE cannot go in, THEY were BOTH leaving. FFS. Twist the knife in my heart just a little bit more. Hullo, dumbass, your daughter almost died and you don't even care enough to see her because the fiancé you've known all of five minutes (seriously only a slight exaggeration....they got together just after New Years, engaged in January, my hospital visit was the first weekend in April)-----is SO much more important than your daughter.
I have had to tell the drama of my life over the last 8 months a number of times to new therapists, etc. I just realized today that I always forget to include the hospital incident. It hurts too much to remember. I can forgive the other shit, but it's too much to be given this kind of treatment, to have my own dad choose to not want to see me right after a suicide attempt.
Everything is still pretty precarious right now. I couldn't handle it if my dad threw me away again. I'm not being vindictive in not wanting him in my life. I have to put myself first and acknowledge that a "sorry" isn't going to come anywhere close to fixing this.
I'm pretty fragile right now. I only ask that if you are going to chalk this up to PTSD related abandonment issues that wouldn't hurt a normal person, that you please not respond. I'm looking for support and just want to get this out there because it weighs on me heavily. Thank you.