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"Beloved"- Venting About Doctor's Appointment

Discussion in 'General' started by nor, Oct 15, 2007.

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  1. nor

    nor Well-Known Member

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    I guess I just need to vent a little.

    Had my weekly appt with the doctor. I felt that I was starting to straighten some stuff out. Then he pulls out a word to describe my childhood abuser that completely pisses me off. I got up and left. He called my uncle "beloved". Can you imagine calling someone who sexually molested you for so long, "beloved"?????

    I do blame myself for the pedophile's actions. I was little and in desperate need of attention-but to refer to this person as "beloved"!!!!!!!! I just can't deal with that thought!


    nor
     
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  3. John_R

    John_R Member

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    Hi Nor,

    I'm just responding to offer you an encouraging word. What you've posted about the new title that your Dr. gave your abuser sounds outrages. I think anyone with or without PTSD might have reacted the same as you did.

    As a PTSD sufferer I want you to know that I would feel the same as you. It sounds like your Dr. was very insensitive and ignorant.

    I think your venting is very healthy, and natural.

    John
     
  4. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

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    His choice of the word was quite insensitive......

    On the other hand was he being sarcastic when he said it??? Or I wonder was he trying to get some kind of response from you???? I ask this because I had a shrink once that used these techniques quite often. Annoying as hell, but effective non the less....

    I am sorry that it wasn't a good therapy session, and his words hurt you.

    Wen
     
  5. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Nor,

    I've had my therapist say things, without his tone of voice (sarcastic) and body language would have been inappropriate. He might have been trying to make a point.

    I would suggest that you talk to your doctor and ask him straight out how he meant what he said. Yeah it's tough to be direct about something that upset you. And it can be even more so with your therapist. But I think it's warranted in this case.

    Lisa
     
  6. nor

    nor Well-Known Member

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    Dear John, Wen, and Lisa,

    Thank you so much for validating my feelings. I kept thinking that I was overreacting. But the more I wanted to downplay what he said, the angrier I became.

    I did try to make another appt for this week, to confront him about such an insensitive remark. Perhaps he was trying to get me angry, and by my walking out I was going to give myself time to try and get over it. Except, this time, I am really angry at the doctor and don't think that is going to happen too quickly. My thoughts are confused and racing.

    I am on a cancellation list to possibly get in before the end of the week. Otherwise, I have to let it fester until next Monday.

    If he wanted to upset me, he succeeded.

    And, not that it means anything to me, today is my birthday-big deal

    Thanks again for your support-I thought I was being ridiculous.

    nor
     
  7. John_R

    John_R Member

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    Happy Birthday!
     
  8. nor

    nor Well-Known Member

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    Thanks John
     
  9. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I am sorry, but the time in therapy is certainly not a time for sarcasm or that crap! I do not know how that did not make you flat ill and I would have been pissed beyond words, you did well not smacking the shit out of him IMHO. That just strikes me wrong on so many levels. While yes, we sometimes need to be provoked into healing this just seems outrageous. This is not a way to provoke anger in healing. This just hurts and I do not see where this would serve a useful purpose down the line.
     
  10. nor

    nor Well-Known Member

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    Many thanks Veiled.....

    I actually did become physically ill and had to go see my internist for medication for my back and stomach. Not to mention my increased dependence on sleeping pills for a "good" night's sleep.

    I have had a terrible week-constantly jumping for the phone to see if his office is calling to get me in for another appt this week. I even thought (but I knew deep down) that he may have realized how hurtful the statement was, and call to see if I was alright (my old therapist used to do that periodically if I had a tough session with her). But nothing came.

    I have gone from thinking I should apologize for walking out, to wanting to discontinue seeing him altogether. I have written down various sentiments to bring up to him, when my mind starts racing and I find myself swearing at him outloud!

    I wanted to ask him if he was so smart that he calculated the statement to purposely stir me up, or if he was so smart that he was completely oblivious to the hurt and distress his words brought upon me. Sometimes the brilliant ones are the most stupid when it comes to human responses. But, isn't he supposed to be an "expert" on human responses????

    I am afraid to swear at him and tell him just how much he hurt me. I have had "male issues" since a child and am afraid of confrontation with them. I know that I will become quite physically ill the next time I meet with him.

    I thought all day about cancelling my appt on Monday, but knew that he wouldn't think anything of it, and just fill in the time with someone else. I have been angry before at him, and cancelled several appts before going back. It didn't phase him. He would just say "let's talk about that", and then I would feel completely childish for having been angry. AAUURRGGGHHH!!

    I'm having a hard time trying to figure out why I am so dam furious with him! I have been wanting to hurt him the way he hurt me-and the only way I could think of, was to cancel the appt (hit his bank account by one less payment)-but in the long run, who is the one really hurt?!? If I don't show up, without cancelling, I still get charged-so he still gets his almighty dollar!

    Thank god I found this support site! I really don't know where I would be if I didn't have somewhere to go for the reassurement and support I need. Many thanks

    Trying to not think of the length of this weekend....

    nor
     
  11. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Since you speak of the almighty dollar I assume you are a US resident. You are on a cancel list so you won't be charged! We have an abundance of people with PhD. Even more therapists and shrinks out the wazoo when we are paying for it. Hell, my docs have my retirement now padding theirs and I have to start over so I have no issue dumping one to hunt for a new one.

    A degree does not make you an expert. Many here are experts with not one iota of formal education on PTSD! We know as we lived it and still do. A pro will always be a professional in that field but they do not know really what this is. You will not unless you have it period.

    If you want or what I would do is cancel and use the time interviewing new docs. Docs will trigger and piss you off to heal but I still after thinking on this cannot see where this would lead as good. Fine, you needed attention good or bad, that sure as **** can never be misconstrued as beloved. I still want to puke on that word. Really want someone to do a good piss off to heal? Talk to Anthony, he will piss you off to no end but in a healing way! He pisses me off all the time but it is in a good way.

    You do not have to apologize to him when he was an ass, you deserve the apology but I do not think he deserves your time for one. If you are not where you can confront a male yet maybe a female therapist would be better. I could not stand women but my last therapist was and she did great.

    You do and can stand up for yourself even if it is the form of "ignore it" with him. I vote a female where you can learn independence. A male may be too much exposure therapy which will back fire if done too soon. Good luck with what ever you choose!
     
  12. nor

    nor Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Veiled-maybe it was too soon to deal with a male therapist. I thought that if I stared one in the face, it would help me get over the fear.....too much exposure therapy for sure!

    I'm not sure how I will handle it. Unfortunately, I have a standing appt on Monday mornings, and I would have had to cancel it by this afternoon in order to not get charged. I was on a cancellation list for another appt for this past week (which may have been a blessing in disguise with not getting one).

    I have even been thinking of taking a breather from therapy for awhile. I have been in it for several years, and I may need to take a break (as scary as that seems). I don't think I could start at the beginning again with anyone just now and I don't think I am getting the help I need with this ass. And "beloved" literally flips my stomach right over too!

    nor
     
  13. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    If you go into therapy sessions knowing more on this than them then yes, a break is needed and take advantage of this forum to vent. We really do not need to pay out of pocket to bitch! Here you will also find much support and pushes to get better unlike years of therapy which want to see more money coming back. Here people will push you off your butt to heal. Then therapy is good to hold you up. But again I have no clue where you are healing but if years in therapy and still lost you are certainly seeing the wrong ones!
     
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