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Best Wishes Kerri Anne!

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Jen, Nov 3, 2006.

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  1. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kerri Anne sounds like your house must be fun at the moment. Chicken pox is a pain with kids. Luckily my two got theirs when they were in their teens. Sorry to hear Anthony is not well hope things pick up for him soon.
    Does Bub know that he/she has to stay put until the chicken pox has finished:smile:
    Jen
     
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  3. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Thanks Jen,

    Yes, in light of informing Boo that we were ready to go now, I have had to put the little one on hold. So the spots on Alexander won't be gone until mid-end next week so it will have to be late next week or the week after!! Anthony is a little better, although I will be speaking to him about staying up too late tonight to catch up on things. He has been really unwell and needs to conserve his energy because he is NOT getting out of attending this birth!

    As for Alexander and his spots. Poor little mite, we are trying to get him to stop scratching but he doesn't understand. I think the worst part for him is that he can't really go anywhere so he is stuck at home.

    How are you?
     
  4. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kerri Anne thanks for asking Im ok stopped taking anti depressants will see how I go feel like I have control of my emotions now.
    Hubby starts doing 4 days a week at the clinic next week I am not really confident that he will get through this. He was starting to get shitty again the other day my daughter noticed it as well. He said to me he feels like he is starting to get cranky again over stupid little things I said if he goes down that track again like he was at the start of the year I will not put up with it he says I dont have to worry about that because he would do himself in as he couldnt handle it again.
    He is so negative I got into trouble yesterday for asking him to help me with a couple of things he said I have to understand that he cant handle it when I nag at him to much! But if I do things myself which is usually easier than waiting for him to help Im in trouble. Do you think Anthony is going through what Martha calls burnout as a lot of sufferers seem to go?
    Jen
     
  5. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Na... not even close Jen. I have knowingly overdone myself the last few weeks, most likely lowered my immune system as a result, got this damn virus going around and it whacked me. My son brought it home and had it for a day or two, then he was fine, then it jumped onto me and had its turn. Damn kids bringing home diseases.... grrrrrrr.

    Jen, just talk with hubby and ensure he talks as much as possible in the group sessions. Don't be shy at bringing things up in the group sessions when all are involved, because its sometimes the best way to air all the dirty laundry as such, getting partners exposed and talking about the real issues infront of the group. Group pressure help, then it is also their to immediately reassure.
     
  6. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Anthony I will mention that to him. When he started getting down the other day I said to him that my plans for the future do involve him as we have always spoken about travelling around Aus.
    After I have the business for at least 5 years to make it worth while.
    Anthony its hard for me to see him so negative and down about everything. At his state of mind does he look in to the future or is his head only around the present and the past. You know little things like going for an ice cream down the Strand should not have to be an issue lets just do it I really feel like I have to lead him to do everything.
    Jen
     
  7. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Anthony after my last post it got me thinking is it that PTSD sufferers dont like having something sprung on them even if it is a little thing.
    Hubby came in to work the other day and he walked in to my storeroom and I had shit everywhere as I was doing some sorting out his attitude went really negative and it seemed to me that he just didnt want to be there but I needed his help. If I would have warned him out and prepared him to expect a mess do you think his attitude would have been different.I tend to be a spur of the moment person if things are quiet I will get up and find something to do I dont think he likes that.
    Jen
     
  8. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    You hit it on the head Jen... PTSD is not spur of the moment, as every little thing takes mental preparation. It used to take kerrie to tell me the day before, if not longer, that we where going to go and get icecream at the strand, or do something, and as my own healing has progressed, I can move on the spur of the moment for her now, though sometimes still not quite, as it depends on where the location is and time of day. If kerrie says she wants to go to the shops in the morning, then that is what I am prepared for. If she then stuffs around so that baby needs to sleep first, which means shops late afternoon, that means peak hour traffic, school comes out and kids are going to fill shopping centers, which means I am not going if it is going to be longer than in and out of a shop, then home, before all that crap starts and I have to be subjected too it.

    Warning is the best and most appropriate thing for us Jen, that way we know that there are no surprises for us, thus our mood is already stable and prepared. He should get better the more he gets out and doing things, as to lessen the notification for most things, and get into the more spur of the moment ability again. I know it sounds so small, but it can be such a big think for a PTSD sufferer because of the mental preparation and self talk required to commit.
     
  9. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Hey Jen,

    Yeah those anti-depressants are a good short term solution but are only really a band aid. I can see that now. At first I was more concerned with Anthony continuing to take them, so that he would not make life hell for us. Giving him the credit he deserves, he is finally starting to be human again!!

    As for hubby, he probably will get crabby but if you look at it from the perspective that he is dealing with all of the trauma head on......that will explain it a lot better. As for giving them forewarning about doing anything. I learned that the hard way. Used to frustrate the hell out of me because you have the luxury of being spontaneous if you don't have PTSD. Its easier to give them warning. It does take some of the fun out of it but your hubby will get better at it, as will you managing it. Before long it will become second nature to warn him and think about things like school holidays, crowds (etc). I still stuff it up sometimes but it is easier on all of us in the long run if Anthony knows what is going on. I could never get my head around why it was such a challenge to do the 'little things' like an ice-cream at the Strand. Now I understand that its necessary for them to prepare themselves mentally before they go......we don't think twice about it...but then our stress levels are a little more easily managed.

    I think you will find Jen that your hubby will be a different person after the course. Don't expect miracles straight away but you will see subtle shifts that will become permanent if he works on them. Same old, same old. Let him get on with the business of healing and look after yourself.
     
  10. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    As for Anthony suffering burnout...not really. He is okay just pushing himself a little too hard. If I was to guess and I am usually pretty accurate these days, he will have all this stuff going on in his head about what he must get done before Boo arrives. Keeping on top of the forum, other internet stuff that he does and the list goes on. I have said to him a number of times recently to slow down but ole mister perfectionist, work my butt off didn't listen. Body did it for him. He knows and he would have had a fair idea that its just natures way of making him rest. He's a silly bugger but he's not really too much of a pain when he is sick, he just sleeps. The only trouble is then I have to do the lot which is a little challenging being heavily pregnant!! Thankyou for your concern Jen, its appreciated.
     
  11. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Kerri Anne and Anthony I am learning ( even though it will piss me off sometimes) I am very active and do things on the spur of the moment. I need to learn and I will that things in our life have changed and I must not nag to much if I want help!
    We had a good day today didnt do much but the mood in the house was good I needed him to help me with something at work I warned him out and that seemed to go down a bit better so when he was ready we went and did it. I showed him the poem that Tammy wrote and he printed it out to take in to the clinic tomorrow.
    Jen
     
  12. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I have to go with the whole it takes a day or so to prep for what seems little. But still where I am at if I knew there was a mess waiting for me, I would not show if there was a possible escape. It is still a lot to dress and do bare bones type of things. You start to feel better, bite off more than you can chew and then land on your ass hoping you can get out of bed again. I know we are a pain, but it really can be overwhelming if hubs decides take out for supper and which do I want. The fact of having to decide what to even eat is hard for me at times. Like it is too much info. Yes a choice between a burrito or burger is easy to most but to me it is like my mind sees it as do I buy a new house or not, another kid or not... They feel big. I have to tell him just get what you think as I can't at times at all.

    Good luck and I hope you get some results and see a change.
     
  13. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Veiled
    Yep I feel if I want our marriage to last I have to change my way of thinking about him. There is a reason that he cant get out of bed there is a reason that he wont bounce out of the chair and come for a walk when I ask there is a reason we have been married for 25 years!!
    I do love him my future is with him and his ways I just need to understand a bit more.
    All the best Veiled
    Jen
     
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