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Dom Violence Bipolar spouse threatens divorce

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Raj

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My bipolar spouse refuse to see a psychiatrist and constantly threatens divorce, during angry mood swings. Years ago I would saythe divorce thing, while actively suicidal. We are poor in income but managed to raised two out of three children to be very loving. I feel third and oldest child is sociopath. I tell my wife I shouldn't have thrown around divorce and if she's having problems see a shrinks she's only on, a single bipolar med, or leave me for what or who she wants. I hate to see her so unhappy!

Raj
 
My wife yelled at me so much I couldn't sleep last night! I'm sick of life.

Raj
 
I'm sick of life.
Yes, and people at times are happy to scream about it and do nothing else. Ultimately it comes down to what YOU want for yourself.

I was in a similar position, back in the day. I ended up with PTSD and a myriad of other, equally horrible problems because things got so ugly.

I said it once, I will say it again. Decide what you want and make plans for it. Immediately. This could well get uglier than it already is.
 
Just a question having read your other threads, is it possible your wife has PTSD too? This is based on what you have said about her abusive mother. She need to be in therapy, but since she refuses, there isn't much you can do. You guys have a lot going on, and her stress cup is probably full too. What you oldest child has down is going to impact a mother very deeply.

I would calmly state that you love her and are there to support her, but but next time she yells at you, or threatens divorce, you are going to go outside and go for a walk. You can't really change what she is feeling right now. Are the toxic people still in her life?
 
You have so much in your life that must be pretty overwhelming, both of you do. But this behaviour of hers is making things worse for both of you. Something has to change, something's gotta give. The way you both communicate with each other, the way you're both managing the stress of your child.

I agree that both of you would benefit from having a supportive T. But at some point, maybe a sit down and a couple of calm conversations about planning some changes in the way things are being managed. What things about your situation need to change, and how are we going to make those changes happen? Planning some practical things might start to make the whole situation seem more hopeful, for both of you.

For your own mental health? Having a conversation with your spouse about boundaries with communication. Does she really want divorce? If she does, yelling at you about it when things are out of control isn't the way to have that conversation, and if she doesn't want divorce, then telling her "I need you to stop saying that, period" seems pretty reasonable.

And definitely like @Fadeaway 's suggestion of going for a walk. Get some space between the both of you when things are starting to get out of control. Walking will also get the breath regulated and help your brain get back to a regulated state where you'll be better able to cope much quicker.

No one expects you to be able to tolerate your wife getting angry and threatening divorce. But some action is going to be required to change the situation. It's not fair. But it's time to make some changes, and those changes won't happen on their own.

It must be pretty overwhelming, so try and be gentle with yourself.
 
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