Had a discussion with one of my guy friends recently about all the women coming forward in the media (and otherwise) regarding sexual assault/harassment in the word place. He was defensive, saying that women assume all men are assholes, which isn't fair to the ones who aren't. I agree, but in my own experience...
A male coach crossed boundaries with me repeatedly
A male had sex with me when I was too to remember
A male smashed my car windshield with his fist
A male told me he loved me, when in reality he loved heroin more
A male berated me, insulted me, mocked me
A male threatened to slit my throat and bury me in the backyard
A male choked me until the point I thought I was going to black out
A male pulled my hair, which came out in handfuls for days
A male left bruises, bite marks, and invisible scars
And the majority of those? Weren't some random interactions with an acquaintance or stranger, but someone very very close to me.
I am recovering from leaving a DV relationship with a sufferer and I'm having to re-learn my life. I'm now allowed to answer the phone with whatever greeting I prefer, wear make-up to work if I want to, spend time with male friends, go out for a drink without worrying about violence when I get home, and finally, I do not have to worry that mine or my pets lives are in danger.
So no, not all guys are assholes. But a lot of them are, and I feel like I've earned the right to approach life with that mentality. Because yes, I chose to be around people that hurt me, but they made the choice to hurt me, and that's on them.
A male coach crossed boundaries with me repeatedly
A male had sex with me when I was too to remember
A male smashed my car windshield with his fist
A male told me he loved me, when in reality he loved heroin more
A male berated me, insulted me, mocked me
A male threatened to slit my throat and bury me in the backyard
A male choked me until the point I thought I was going to black out
A male pulled my hair, which came out in handfuls for days
A male left bruises, bite marks, and invisible scars
And the majority of those? Weren't some random interactions with an acquaintance or stranger, but someone very very close to me.
I am recovering from leaving a DV relationship with a sufferer and I'm having to re-learn my life. I'm now allowed to answer the phone with whatever greeting I prefer, wear make-up to work if I want to, spend time with male friends, go out for a drink without worrying about violence when I get home, and finally, I do not have to worry that mine or my pets lives are in danger.
So no, not all guys are assholes. But a lot of them are, and I feel like I've earned the right to approach life with that mentality. Because yes, I chose to be around people that hurt me, but they made the choice to hurt me, and that's on them.