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General Body Memories Pain

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Amhoarten

I have a friend who I have become really close to. She shared her story with me and over the last few months we have become close. Out relationship has grown into love. If she has flash backs or gets triggered when I'm with her I know how to help her. I talk her out of it by using the grounding techniques along with gently talking to her with my hands holding hers. If she has body memory pain I massage the area while trying to bring her back to the present. Telling her I knowing feels like now. Telling her now she's safe and it's just us. She is safe. When we are apart we message all the time. She lets me know how she's feeling. If she's bad I can sometimes talk her back but when she has painful body memories I find it hard to help her in any way. It hurts her so much. I can tell she's getting into a panicked state. How can I help through messages? Are there any strategies that I could suggest she tries? She knows she needs to ground but when she's tired and the pain is so bad she is just not able to. It hurts me knowing I can't be with her. If I was there she would be ok. I can't cope knowing I'm letting her down. Can anyone help me help her?
 
I think your friend is very fortunate and blessed to have someone who cares so deeply for her. I think what you are doing is very supportive, I think the best person to ask is your friend as every sufferer suffers differently in respect to their traumas , she would best guide you as to whats comfortable and feels safe and right for her.

For me personally as a cptsd sufferer holding hands or any body making contact makes me worse due to being raped and abused over several years, I like to be left alone, sleep and manage it myself or I become very emotional or full of anxiety and anger. I've been very open and honest with my closest friends as to how to deal with me when I flashback and it seems to work really well. I'm so sorry I wish I could advise more but right now I'm triggering. Hope all works out and Thankyou for taking the imitative to tru and understand a very complicated and painful diagnosis , please forgive any spelling errors but really triggering so can't read bank to correct
 
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I would talk with her as to what helps her then remind her of those coping techniques when she starts to feel pain. I personally could not take too much touching either. Talking helped, opening my eyes helped, and listening. Having to repeat what my hubby has said to me helped. So repeating, "I am safe." back to him whenever he told me, "You are safe." Activating that part of the brain in order to speak is beneficial. Some things that have helped me may not help her so it's best if you ask her. But just some weird things that have helped me are:
-wrapping myself tightly in a well-loved blanket.
-a shower (even with clothes on)
-warm/wet towels along the neck.
-stretching/exercise/yoga
-if anger is present, I enjoyed smacking a wet towel onto pavement. Good exercise too...just looks like a crazy lady.
 
I would ask, if it's okay to touch during those moments. I know, many of my triggers, are target or they are centered around tactile stimulus. Or phantom smells, tastes, sounds, feelings, things long ago gone.

That sense of touch is the worst, we discussed this in therapy this week. Therapist asked if it were okay if my wife held my hand. I said, "No." He asked, "Can you hold your own hand?" I answered, "No." So much of the trauma started at the surface of the skin, and went inward. Some days, I have to wear gloves, jackets on warm days, or long sleeved shirts to keep stuff from touching my skin. The skin was the first to get violated and traumatized. She may just give you a yes response, so as to not hurt your feelings. Perhaps not. Either way, my hat's off to you. She's fortunate to have someone who's so empathetic and willing to learn.
 
Thank you or your replies. Sorry Namenotdiagnosis for triggering you. I appreciate you trying to help me through that. My friend likes touch. Only with me though. She won't let anyone else into that space. She was raped and abused so for her to allow me to hold her hands etc shows so much trust. She has said to me that when she can feel me there and hear my voice she feels safe. I am a female as well. Not sure if that makes a difference. Is not a relationship that was expected to happen. It just did. I know how I should approach her and what to do and what not to do. With the body memories she's normally fully with it for the beginning at least. I can talk to her normally and she responds it's just knowing the right things to say. I will ask her and like I said if I'm with her then I can do this. Being apart from her just hurts me so much. I feel I can't help her and I'm letting her down. She's alone and no one is there to help. Just knowing what I could do that might lessen that would be so good.
 
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