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BPD Borderline and emotions... question

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DogwoodTree

MyPTSD Pro
Is it possible to have BPD without much emotional expression at all?

Like...does the disorder identify internal thinking/feeling patterns, or external expression only?

Internally, my emotions are all over the place. BPD traits...some of them...describe my internal experience fairly well. But I don't let it out. I'm afraid of letting any of this stuff spill out on anyone else, and I nearly always keep everything locked tight inside (anxiety comes out quite a bit, and occasionally I get mad at my kids, but not like raging).

People close to me have recently described me as cerebral, independent, reflective, quiet, self-conscious. This doesn't sound like BPD, but then, I keep so much locked inside so no one has to see it. I'm afraid to let out any emotions because I don't want to burden people with my inner reality.
 
Hi, I have BPD myself, and I think most of my struggles do happen inside. In fact, some people with BPD are often described as extremely introverted, since they are scared of the intensity of their emotions, unable to show them.

Some people with BPD are very high functioning, and no one but their closest friends, family members sees their internal struggles.

Have you diagnosed with BPD? Do you have a psychiatrist you can talk to about your worries? It really helped me to finally learn my diagnosis. It is much better to look at your emotions criticaly and realise that they do not fit the situation - in fact, your mind is tricking you. Knowing the truth allows you to change the rigid schemes of fear, black-and-whiteness, abondonment and betrayal.
 
Have you diagnosed with BPD? Do you have a psychiatrist you can talk to about your worries?

No, I was dx'd with ptsd, depression, and anxiety 20 years ago when I first started getting help. Took a long break while I tried to act normal, then it all came crashing in again. My current T doesn't seem too concerned with dxing, just grow from and through whatever is going on.

I think in some ways it helps to understand BPD even if I'm not dxable with it just because treatments for it, like dbt, can be so helpful for anyone with extreme emotions. But I'm not sure if I should focus more on controlling and managing emotions I can't express...or just focus on trying to express them before trying to manage them so much.

I have this image in my head of my mom crying a couple of different times (one particular time when I was a kid, and one particular time fairly recently), and just being so disgusted by her weakness and neediness. It's not wrong to be weak or have needs, but the way I felt like I was supposed to solve her problems for her, and yet somehow I felt like I was causing them...it's too hard to face that. I don't want to be like her. I don't want to hold other people responsible for the way I feel. So I end up burying my feelings to keep that from happening.
 
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