SuzetteLove
New Here
He is an Afghanistan Navy Vet and I have a Domestic Violence background- both of us with diagnosed PTSD. We've been living together for 4 1/2 years. So many ups and downs with one of us threatening to leave (me) and one of us actually leaving( him). He gets in a bad way and takes off in his truck. He used to threaten to fly off a cliff. That stopped, but he is gone in a much more serious way now. Took barely anything, and barely any contact and real serious talk of breaking up. He's been gone a week. I live alone in a remote cabin in the woods now.
I really wish we had done couples counceling. Communication has gotten so bad, he gets so volitile about everything and so resistant to doing anything I suggest that would be healthy and fun. He spent a fortune on treatment. I do a lot of work on myself...
I don't feel like I can talk to him about the things he is doing to trigger me- I have tried and he called me the "C" word. Basically he would grope me... he used to say "I'm molesting you." Every girls dream right? The grabbing got so bad (especially when he's drunk) and unwanted that I raised my fist to him.. He became really hurt about this- said I was a bad person. This grabbing went on for years and I hated it. I was clear. It usually comes after not being touched for days... Before he left we had several days in limbo. Sleeping in Seperate beds getting through my birthday. Definetly no touch. He got drunk, came in my room and spanked me. I was so starved for affection I knew what it felt like to be a child who misbehaves to get touched at all from a parent. He gave me a sapphire necklace for my birthday.
He left copping to his failure, basically the guilt at not satisfying me, not being able to be a functioning boyfriend has gotten too overwhelming. Says he wants me to be happy and I should move on without him.
I've been doing a lot of reading and finding that all the terrible things he does are PTSD symptoms... the aggressive talk and actions, the lack of social engagement, he is triggered by nature and nice weather. All the things I love and feel neglected that he won't participate in.
I do love the guy. He told me that Im his only friend when he left. He has been a rock for me in a lot of ways and I think he is handsome and sexy. We actually get along except for the PTSD crap and the alcohol. Basically, if he comes back willing to get help together we are a go, but it is actually quite scary thinking about losing him otherwise. He has been my best friend too.
I really wish we had done couples counceling. Communication has gotten so bad, he gets so volitile about everything and so resistant to doing anything I suggest that would be healthy and fun. He spent a fortune on treatment. I do a lot of work on myself...
I don't feel like I can talk to him about the things he is doing to trigger me- I have tried and he called me the "C" word. Basically he would grope me... he used to say "I'm molesting you." Every girls dream right? The grabbing got so bad (especially when he's drunk) and unwanted that I raised my fist to him.. He became really hurt about this- said I was a bad person. This grabbing went on for years and I hated it. I was clear. It usually comes after not being touched for days... Before he left we had several days in limbo. Sleeping in Seperate beds getting through my birthday. Definetly no touch. He got drunk, came in my room and spanked me. I was so starved for affection I knew what it felt like to be a child who misbehaves to get touched at all from a parent. He gave me a sapphire necklace for my birthday.
He left copping to his failure, basically the guilt at not satisfying me, not being able to be a functioning boyfriend has gotten too overwhelming. Says he wants me to be happy and I should move on without him.
I've been doing a lot of reading and finding that all the terrible things he does are PTSD symptoms... the aggressive talk and actions, the lack of social engagement, he is triggered by nature and nice weather. All the things I love and feel neglected that he won't participate in.
I do love the guy. He told me that Im his only friend when he left. He has been a rock for me in a lot of ways and I think he is handsome and sexy. We actually get along except for the PTSD crap and the alcohol. Basically, if he comes back willing to get help together we are a go, but it is actually quite scary thinking about losing him otherwise. He has been my best friend too.