Shadowekat
New Here
I am an EXPAT from Texas living in The Netherlands. I have been with my dutch boyfriend for 6 years and we have been allowed to stay in his moms house, all while paying rent food, phone bills car insurance ect while waiting on a list to find a place. We both pull our weight 50/50 in and out of the home. We stay here in this house while his mom is in another town with a significant other, living there unofficially. Her oldest son, my boyfriends brother, came to us crying last year when his first gf of 4 years broke upwith him because he was gaming and smoking joints too much (hes 31 now. we took him in out of need to allow him to find his own place within a matter of months.
IT got annoying when we realised he never cleaned his own messes, would leave lights on and doors unlocked and would often have blunt and ungrateful remarks to things, which we talked to him about. although that got a bit better, it regressed and we had to tell him again and again until it became a cycle...he would take things without asking, food too of ours, or even a whole loaf of bread upstairs. we had to stop him in his tracks, which eventually forced him to buy his own food..but besides being asked for a measly 50 euros a month he has not offered one cent for the internet, electricity or rent. the rent divided by 3 is 230 euros a month and me and my SO are carrying the weight.
It has been over a year now and he is always here, and his behavior has been unbearable and has treated his mother and brother very rudely and meanly. whenever he was asked to do something or asked for something he would give a bullshit excuse for not doing it or turn things around, after all we have done. He now wants to distance himself from his mother because of being "so hurt" that she did not stop smoking as she promised, yet the hypocrite says this while standing in the backyard smoking a joint saying he could stop when he wanted. He almost threatened to be done with his brother my bf, for refusing to share something with him because he was tired of his childish behavior..he has lost his job and hasnt even paid the 50 euros since april and he was called out on it, apon which he simply told his mother when she came this week, to then kick him out.
I am in a delemma of confusion, dissappointment and anger. if it was up to me he would have been kicked out a long time ago. he uses us and treats his family like shit yet his mother makes excuses for him...she got angry at me saying that i am more worried about the money that hes paying, saying hes a person too and has pain. she kept contradicting herself saying shes not making excuses for him ,yet makes excuses...about the money, she sais we will make it blah blah, i agree we all need to pull our weight but money is the least important thing and also for his brother, (as my bf sat there and said nothing.) i wont kick him out hes my son and his brother, if we kick him out it will be because you put me under pressure and if it goes bad you will get me and (mybf) against you...talk about blackmail..for f*ck sake...
he IS addicted..he needs help...but i call bullshit in her manipulation tactics and unfairness. he needs to get a job and carry his weight or get the f*ck out...
be honest....am i harsh? or am i being manipulated and gaslighted? and about the dutch...is this a cultural thing with money? i feel like this family is the other extreme of greedy (they grew up poor) so whenever i talk about what i think is better finantially 70 percent of the time they accuse me of being a money hog basically or too whiney or just caring about money when i simply dont want to live like just getting by like they had to growing up. could it be some very important fundementals between me and my bf are missing? what about his brother? what can he do to get help? hes in denial and wont admit, and i feel like i am being guilt tripped and duped, and so is my bf. any thoughts? thanks for listening to the rant :P had to get it off my chest.
IT got annoying when we realised he never cleaned his own messes, would leave lights on and doors unlocked and would often have blunt and ungrateful remarks to things, which we talked to him about. although that got a bit better, it regressed and we had to tell him again and again until it became a cycle...he would take things without asking, food too of ours, or even a whole loaf of bread upstairs. we had to stop him in his tracks, which eventually forced him to buy his own food..but besides being asked for a measly 50 euros a month he has not offered one cent for the internet, electricity or rent. the rent divided by 3 is 230 euros a month and me and my SO are carrying the weight.
It has been over a year now and he is always here, and his behavior has been unbearable and has treated his mother and brother very rudely and meanly. whenever he was asked to do something or asked for something he would give a bullshit excuse for not doing it or turn things around, after all we have done. He now wants to distance himself from his mother because of being "so hurt" that she did not stop smoking as she promised, yet the hypocrite says this while standing in the backyard smoking a joint saying he could stop when he wanted. He almost threatened to be done with his brother my bf, for refusing to share something with him because he was tired of his childish behavior..he has lost his job and hasnt even paid the 50 euros since april and he was called out on it, apon which he simply told his mother when she came this week, to then kick him out.
I am in a delemma of confusion, dissappointment and anger. if it was up to me he would have been kicked out a long time ago. he uses us and treats his family like shit yet his mother makes excuses for him...she got angry at me saying that i am more worried about the money that hes paying, saying hes a person too and has pain. she kept contradicting herself saying shes not making excuses for him ,yet makes excuses...about the money, she sais we will make it blah blah, i agree we all need to pull our weight but money is the least important thing and also for his brother, (as my bf sat there and said nothing.) i wont kick him out hes my son and his brother, if we kick him out it will be because you put me under pressure and if it goes bad you will get me and (mybf) against you...talk about blackmail..for f*ck sake...
he IS addicted..he needs help...but i call bullshit in her manipulation tactics and unfairness. he needs to get a job and carry his weight or get the f*ck out...
be honest....am i harsh? or am i being manipulated and gaslighted? and about the dutch...is this a cultural thing with money? i feel like this family is the other extreme of greedy (they grew up poor) so whenever i talk about what i think is better finantially 70 percent of the time they accuse me of being a money hog basically or too whiney or just caring about money when i simply dont want to live like just getting by like they had to growing up. could it be some very important fundementals between me and my bf are missing? what about his brother? what can he do to get help? hes in denial and wont admit, and i feel like i am being guilt tripped and duped, and so is my bf. any thoughts? thanks for listening to the rant :P had to get it off my chest.