intothelight
Sponsor
My Momster turned 84 in January and for the past 18 months she has been admitted into 7 psychiatric hospitals and is at this time in number 7. Prior to this she lived in her own home and the ugliness that she is and the attention seeking and drama she created where contained within those walls and kept there, for the most part, by family members. However, once she was no longer there and people out in the world saw her for what she was, all type of problems have ensued.
For myself, I have always known and she is the source of my trauma and the unhealthy ways I learned to navigate relationships, setting the stage for my future damaging relationships. However, along the way, I have recovered in many areas and processed what I can, but this is the final and perhaps the hardest part of the journey.
Intellectually I understand her BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), the behaviors, the impact that it has on children, her resistance to any and all treatment, and how it will never get better. It is who she is, as it governs her thoughts, actions, emotions and behaviors. At some level I "know" this.
However, there is this part of me who always wanted her "mommy's" love, acceptance, praise, comfort and all of the normal things a child craves. As an adult, the honesty, validation of damage and a real apology would be wonderful. Emotionally, I want, need, crave or whatever adjective that is close to these and this is what is causing me such turmoil.
As her financial POA, I have been experiencing far more contact with her, her attorney and her caregivers than I have in many years. Where I could detach and tolerate some limited contact, things are now flooding back (emotionally) and are threatening to derail me. It has already brought a huge rift between my sister and I and I need to cut this at the quick, but what would seem so easy on the surface is not easy at all.
If anyone has any thoughts, experiences or advice to share, it is appreciated. My T retired and I have no desire to start all over with someone new, as it takes time, interviews, and frankly it is not the way I want to spend my time. This has caught me off guard as I thought I was done, better, more resilient, or whatever.
I am discharging my duty as POA within the week as there will be nothing left to do as she will be permanently placed in a home. The final responsibility will be upon her death to write checks to the necessary facilities, people, etc. I have instructed the home not to contact me unless she is dead. I should be able to do this and walk away, with a sense of relief, but that is not what is happening. Guilt, shame, sadness, anger, loss, and a whole lot of emotion that has really surprised me.
For myself, I have always known and she is the source of my trauma and the unhealthy ways I learned to navigate relationships, setting the stage for my future damaging relationships. However, along the way, I have recovered in many areas and processed what I can, but this is the final and perhaps the hardest part of the journey.
Intellectually I understand her BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), the behaviors, the impact that it has on children, her resistance to any and all treatment, and how it will never get better. It is who she is, as it governs her thoughts, actions, emotions and behaviors. At some level I "know" this.
However, there is this part of me who always wanted her "mommy's" love, acceptance, praise, comfort and all of the normal things a child craves. As an adult, the honesty, validation of damage and a real apology would be wonderful. Emotionally, I want, need, crave or whatever adjective that is close to these and this is what is causing me such turmoil.
As her financial POA, I have been experiencing far more contact with her, her attorney and her caregivers than I have in many years. Where I could detach and tolerate some limited contact, things are now flooding back (emotionally) and are threatening to derail me. It has already brought a huge rift between my sister and I and I need to cut this at the quick, but what would seem so easy on the surface is not easy at all.
If anyone has any thoughts, experiences or advice to share, it is appreciated. My T retired and I have no desire to start all over with someone new, as it takes time, interviews, and frankly it is not the way I want to spend my time. This has caught me off guard as I thought I was done, better, more resilient, or whatever.
I am discharging my duty as POA within the week as there will be nothing left to do as she will be permanently placed in a home. The final responsibility will be upon her death to write checks to the necessary facilities, people, etc. I have instructed the home not to contact me unless she is dead. I should be able to do this and walk away, with a sense of relief, but that is not what is happening. Guilt, shame, sadness, anger, loss, and a whole lot of emotion that has really surprised me.