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Sufferer C-ptsd, Dx 7 Mos. Ago, Currently In Emdr/cbt

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Hi y'all~

I'm Courtney, 25yo in Nashville, recently diagnosed with PTSD due to developmental trauma (physical/emotional/sexual abuse), and while I feel like I'm getting a handle on it, it sure is, uh, depressing.

The way I'll put it is that my mom had me when she was still really a kid, and my dad was too, but they reacted in opposing ways (which are especially gendered reactions, which I find interesting). He left and got married and stayed just enough in my life to make me feel out of place in both families. He never forgave my mom for things related to my birth that had nothing to do with her, but he needed someone to blame. I recently asked for clarification of our relationship in May, and he responded by siccing his wife on me, telling me he never loved me, and that I'm just as bad as my mother.

My mother never grew up. Her childhood was a silent one, and so was mine. She could talk to me about Pokemon all day, but if I needed a life lesson, I was SOL.

She married my step-father when I was three. He has sociopathic tendencies, but I hesitate to call him a sociopath. He took my mother's emotional neglect and turned it into emotional abuse, which then begat physical abuse.

The sexual abuse is from a relationship I was coerced into during high school. It was three years of never saying no because it didn't occur to me that it wasn't okay for him to hurt me. I thought that's what men did.

My dude now has been with me for almost eight years. He's as sweet as they come. His mother has PTSD and I think that had a lot to do with how he is now. We've had our rough spots, but he's just as willing to grow as I am. We're getting engaged soon.

A lot of things are bubbling up from the depths now that I have an anchor. It's what I expected, but also so much more than I expected. Regardless, I'm glad I found this board!
 
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Wow, that was incredibly well written! I really appreciate your willingness to be so transparent (I know it's pretty hard to do most of the time, but especially about hard stuff). I commend your courage! Welcome to the forum! :)
 
Wow, that was incredibly well written! I really appreciate your willingness to be so transparent (I...
I feel you but at the same time I think being the oldest of my generation raised in such a silent household has made me especially transparent about factual statements. You still have to pry my fee-fees out of me, though. It all comes down to me being blunt to a fault. :rolleyes:
 
Welcome to the forums :hug: I hope this spot helps you. It's extremely valuable as a result of the mass measure of individuals who feel comparative and understand eachother. There is a great deal of counsel and backing to be found here :) I trust this stunning group helps you as much as it helped me, reading all the similar stories, and taking in a lot of support along the way. Hugs in the event that you accept :hug:
 
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